A Small Novel
Wednesday, July 28th, 2004A big moody Euro 2004 is rubbish hello,
Well since i last wrote i have been stunned (the france game and prescottsinability to leave men alone), satisfied (switzerland game and a quiet moment alone in the bathroom), delirious (croatia game and 14 hours worth of drinking) and devastated (portugal game and the news that dahl the parrot from neighbours has died).
We`ve now left Chile and the Honey Monster hostel owner and have been in Argentina for about 2 weeks. Argentina is class, most of this assesment is based on the fact that the women are beautiful, the beer is 40p a litre and the steaks are bigger than your average tractor wheel. Although we did buy some food the other day we thought was fish and it turned out to be tongue. Prescott said he now realised what it would be like to french kiss a cow. The big weirdo!
Been to the Moreno Glacier which is like a giant foxes glacier mint but moreamazing and less minty. Then an all dayer in Comodo (64) Rivadavia where we watched an Eng game got drunk ate far too much and then felt sick on the night bus. As most of the restaurants are all you can eat we`ve mostly been partaking in a game called “All you can eat…until you feel sick, can`t move and don`t want to live anymore”. Shopping is also a nightmare its like…
” Hello sir would you like a t-shirt, pair of shoes, socks, hat, goldfish, garden gnome…….no i fu*king don`t.
Then further north to a place called Bariloche where it has more rain than Rudolph the reindeer?? Here we drank most days using football as an excuse for all dayers as most games started at three and we often ended up getting back at 6 in the morning which made for frightening hangovers and even more frightening was Prescs morning breath. We then headed for a few days not on the piss but on the `piste` (see what i`ve done there – not funny is it?).
Here we had two days of hip 360`s and radical moves. Although in reality crashing into people, ski lifts and fences whilst shouting “gnarly” and “bodacious” isn`t good snowboarding form, although pushing your travelling partner off the ski lift is funny.
So to the fateful day of the Portugal game, armed with beer and my beard we sat down with a load of Jocks to watch the game, they continously cheered for the Portuguese so when Lampard equalised i nearly put one of them through a window (the english hooligans…never) then it was “gaypenaltytime”. In massive frustration the beard was swished off in about an hour revealing the face of a nine year old boy. That night we were forced to vacate our room bacause of the `snoring idiot´ this man decided it was perfectly acceptable to crank up his nasal passage to full volume not giving a thought to the fact that the building was about to collapse. All attempts to stop the fool i.e. throwing blankets, clocking him about the head with pillows and shouting “SHUT UP YOU F`ING KNOB” were in vain.
We`ve been in Mendoza for the last few days and have been Paragliding which was class. This involves them driving you to the top of a very large hill and then saying run, run, run. My answer was run where?? before i realised they meant off the cliff. This was great especially as i had the loonatic pilot who like to perform acrobatics (this feeling is much alike to a giant tipping you upside down and shaking you very hard after you`ve drank to many milkshakes). Presc declined the offer of acrobatics citing simply that he was afraid.
Yesterday it was wine tour time to 3 different places. In the first place the tour was given by the best looking woman in the world ever ™. For an hour we nodded insanely, forgot to listen and asked ridiculous questions like ” so this is wine then”…”do you like wine”…”can i marry you”. In complete contrast the next woman guide had a bigger beard than me or presc. Then we ate salami, cheese and drank more wine. She was amazing.
Tonight we go to Buenos Aires which is where people PARTY (annoying word the the North Americans have brainwashed us into saying).
Well done if you`ve read this far, my hands are killing me and thats mainly from having to slap off Prescotts unwanted advances every five minutes.
Love Briggadier xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
jamesbriggs11