The Shellsuit Sessions
Monday, June 14th, 2004A big hearty Euro 2004 hello!!
As you can imagine me and your boy are getting more excited than Prescott when he hears a Village people tune. We have taken a massive anti french stance banning french bread, garlic, berets, stripey jumpers….anderr….french cricket?? and quite impressively young James P has even vowed to give up French kissing his latest squeeze Javier.
Lord Wispy Beard and I are stuck in deepest South Chile in a place called Puerto Natales it is cold, very cold, dogs bark a lot at night and i have an intestinal infection!! Just been to the docs yesterday which was an interesting experience i basically paid the fella 10 quid to hit me in the stomach very hard for about five minutes, personally i think i could have
achieved the same result by drinking about 5 pints in a pub and then asking the bouncer if he wore lipstick
(DISCLAIMER: If any of this email doesn´t make sense it´s because i´m on 3 sets of drugs and am as high as kite.
Wibble)
Since i last wrote we´ve been on a wine tour where we were still ravaged from the Massive Attack night before and ended up wasting 50 dollar special wines. A Deidre Barlow lookalike (Ann KirkBride) gladly quaffed everything in sight. Whilst everyone else was going mmm…a really earthy smell with a dark mysterious character, Presc and i were like this tastes like Lambrini….rubbish.
Next to Pucon where we stayed with a chap called Lalo who told jokes that went on for hours and were poo. Went on these zip lines which were class until i posed for a photo, giving it the` i´m so cool on my zip line smile´ thus neglecting to break and slamming into a tree at 35 km/h. Next day it was up Villarica Volcanoe which last erupted in 1984 and is due an
eruption every 20 years….GREAT!! So we reach the top of the giant mofo with our spiky boots and ice axes making us look like old He Man Characters and you can´t see nowt, then it let out the biggest rumble you´ll ever i hear….parp. Prescott climbed into his rucksack. On the way down we got to slide down on our backsides which was wicked although Captain Terrible Beard kept slowing up saying that it was scary. In Pucon it rained loads which meant a few few lenghty sessions in the pub. I attended many of these in the guise of frogman as i had my waterproofs on which bared a striking resemblance to a lacoste trakkie. How the locals laughed as the rain subsided. One bonus was that some chump who wanted to
talk about Arsenal ,Terry Hurry and Patrick Vienetta had a terrible lisp which meant he spat all over me all over me. The Shellsuit coped admirably so i passed the goon onto Prescott and he proceeded to spit in his eye and on his jumper for the next hour. Waterproofs…the way forward??
Since then we´ve been to a series of sh*tholes staying in the likes of Backpackers Paradise (all the best…more like a paradise for rats and cockroaches). Before the trots and barf struck we walked to Torres Del Paine which is a big park with mountains and llamas and stuff. Since then its been a series of dashes to the loo and regurgitating whole eggs. Whilst in the
loo i noticed that there were lots of earwigs on the floor which led me to ask myself “earwigs? – they don`t have ears and they don`t wear wigs” ( i think the drugs have kicked in.)
Beard Update:
I´ve previously mentioned that Prescoid sleep talks, well he was at it again the other night and i thought it would fit perfectly in the ´Beard Update`section. I quote….
” Briggs´ beard is class. Such fullness and vibrant colour spills from his cheekbones. Mine really pales into comparison with my sporadic fluffy patches”.
…i have to say i found myself nodding in agreement, thinking that i´d seen many girls with better facial hair than my travelling companion.
Anyway with Englands challenge about to K.O. tomorrow we have oursleves some face paint. This was a right ball ache to buy as they thought we wanted lipstick or herpes cream (maybe Presc did) with which to adorn the red and white upon ourselves. If Prescott gets drunk tonight though i´ll scrawl ´TURNIP´ across his head.
Into Argentina on Monday where English football is illegal so should be scary. Tomorrow though we´ll be all huddled up with a some beers a crap t.v. and my medication to neck should things go ascew.
Cheers for all your emails, it is good to hear what is going on back at home.
take care
Sickboyxxxxxxxxxxxxxx COME ON THE LION
BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
joke (courtesy of Slonks)
Two cows in a field. One says to the other, ‘What do you make of this mad
cow disease?’ The other one says, ‘Doesn’t affect me, mate.’ ‘Oh, yeah?
Why’s that?’ ‘I’m a helicopter.’
jamesbriggs11