Canada to Patagonia at a Worrying Age

Hello All,

Well it all seems to have been going well so far. Thank you very much indeed to Mark, Kim, Joe, Simon and Godson Oliver for a fab time in Kelowna and Vancouver. Also thanks to the neighbours and the three pairs of girls – Liz & Bronwen, Katerina & Laura, Maisie & Poppy. Poppy was the naughtiest, but she’ll turn out fine in the end.

Vancouver started with the usual confusion at check-in – followed by negotiations to avoid all four of us having to share a bed. There were 4 of us because Simon had to stay at home to organise a major house party, er attend rehearsals for Julius Caesar. Hope the clear up after ‘rehearsals’ went well, Simon.

Friday night saw Mark and his eldest son bond over a few pints while I made sure they didn’t drink too much. Saturday morning was gorgeous weatherwise, although it was disturbing to watch United play as badly as that. Where was that Ebanks bloke?

The afternoon saw Mark make promises and then break them (‘Stop!’) and Joe joined us with his girlfriend Clare. (Joe, just blame me, all right?) Funniest point of the day was when Mark and Kim thought it would be a good idea to visit Joe’s frat house on a Saturday night. At 9pm. On Halloween weekend. Funny, we never actually got in (or even very near).

Today, Mark, Kim and Olly finally got to offload me at the bus station. Oh Kim, you and your crying – very touching. You know I was filling up! You’re all gorgeous and I’ll see you in about 18 months unless you have to rescue me from South America.

Trip to Victoria was just fine. I never even knew it was here until a few days ago. Turns out that Conde Nast considers it one of the 10 best places in the world. And it is lovely, although the food, as usual, flattered to deceive. Staying, as I write, in the well-posh Grand Pacific. First room was rubbish despite me paying for a harbour view. Second room great – you’d be proud of me Vic.

This is probably the last expensive place I’ll really stay in for a bit – off to Seattle tomorrow, if I can get into the GS. Presume life is great for all readers and contributers out there. I must say that the comments section on this blog is miles ahead of many others. If you check some of the other tales on this site, they’re well written and worthy, but no-one seems to write to them. Perhaps I’m doing it wrong, but I much prefer it this way.

Finally, welcome to Jonjo Peter Lester Redrum Frankie Fagan-Hall, the new kid on the blog. If we had a picture, it would be published. Well done Ali – Mike tells us he was awesome.

I see Blunkett is having to resign again. Great. At least Celtic have gone top as I write.

Love to all…

Some picture or other here soon if I can finally extract it off the phone…

Today’s song will have to be Victoria by The Kinks or The Fall – you decide…

Possibly one of the nicest leaving comments I’ve ever received – step up Simon Welton, who actually said as he prepared for the weekend’s parties as I left Kelowna – “Don’t Die”. Pure class.

Today’s record is clearly “There is a Light That Never Goes Out” by the Smith Brothers

Today’s attempt to make people envious.

There may not be a picture to go with this one.

In my effort to do new things all the time, the Weltons are proving willing accomplices. Today I had an aromatherapy massage in a bloke’s office that entailed taking my clothes off. It was a bit hippyish, and the bloke didn’t half look like Stevie Mal, but it was fine. After a visit to Sunshine Farm (kept my clothes on) it was off to the infrared sauna where I took my clothes off again. Kim had organised both of the clothes off events. Mark & Kim do a weekly visit to the infrared sauna where they are videoed live for an internet audience. It should be interesting to see what my figures are like.

It was curling tonight and I was relieved to discover it wasn’t naked curling. However, it was embarrassing curling as I ended up on my bum. It’s not as easy as those screaming Scottish harridans make it look. Simon and Olly were also upended, but we were all brave little soldiers. The adults beat the kids, by the way. Hopefully there’ll be an action photo here soon – but not a sauna screenshot.

I see Ebanks-Blake scored…

Also Sue unhappy about the fact that one certain nephew is yet to feature – will sort out soon.

– Will this do, Sue?

Friday night was spent at the Blue Gator club. The children were left home alone whilst Mark, Kim, Jill and I careered around town until we staggered home at 2.30am.

Up at 7.00am to watch United be rubbish for 90 minutes. I’m afraid Ferdinand was once again a disappointment. Also United-no-wide-players = United-crap.

The rubbish sporting day continued when the Kelowna Rockets lost in a shoot-out after overtime to Vancouver Hawks. I tried to introduce old fashioned football chanting, but everyone was too family focussed to go with the violence and insults.

Prior to the hockey, we all got into a hot tub with champagne as the sun went down over the lake. Thanks Jane – pictures will appear later.

The ale theme continued on Sunday morning as Mark had planned a day of ‘wine-tasting’ in the Okanagen. Essentially, this involves getting drunk for free as long as you’ve got a driver. Ultimately, this means ‘thank-you’ to Kim as Mark and I eventually went to pub to watch the Simpsons while poor Kim did the shopping. When Kim joined us in the pub Simon was left to sleep in the car outside, a practice many may have thought had been abandoned in the 70s. Oliver had already been offloaded to neighbours and/or lodgers, needless to say.

The evening involved a lovely meal – more details to follow. Turns out the teachers’ strike is over, so the children may finally get some education. Unlikely – I suspect the grape harvest gets another two unwilling recruits in the morning.

This should elicit a comment from work!

It didn’t.

Well, I made it to Kelowna on the scabby Greyhound buses.

Once I got here I landed in a pub with a pop quiz going on but Mark quickly rescued me. Lovely to see Mark and Kim and Simon and Olly. Well, I say lovely, my godson is suffering terribly from neglect. Still what can you do with some parents, eh?

Went wine tasting with Mark last night at some pyramid hippy wine place. Very nice, all the same. That was after shopping for dear clothes with Kim and poor Olly. The teachers are on strike here at the moment – or at least that’s what Kim and Mark say. I suspect that the children are not even registered at school. I know for a fact that Simon was working until his hands blistered yesterday afternoon.

Still, to give the poor mites some respite I took them and their friends golfing today and the beams on their little faces made it all worthwhile. Although this was my first golf experience, I’m now thinking of taking it up professionally.

Off to a hockey game tomorrow night, but it’s United v Spurs at 7am…

As AboveAs AboveGolf!Golf!

Today, I threw a pebble into a lake.

Turns out I didn’t need to bribe a Mountie. Not that I’ve seen one yet. Bloody swizz.

Anyway Mark, the reason I am not sweating in South America, but freezing in Canada, is because of you and your hair-brained scheme to civilise Canada, or something. About to ring you to complain and then a gorgeous sunset appeared out of nowhere to make the mountains look especially impressive. Just to up the ‘aah’ factor a family of deer appeared outside of my hotel bedroom. All very nice. The minute I get to grips with editing pictures on the site, something will appear…

Did I mention that it’s 30% off all Moose Antler products? Does anybody want me to pick anything up for them while I’m here?

Today’s tune is Nowhere Man – The Beatboys from Merseypool. Chosen, Col, because it was playing in the bakery when I picked up my packed lunch ahead of my tour to Maligne Lake. See you later.

This is a slightly experimental post

Had a nice chat with Jay & Ruth, well travelled Yanks who dislike Bush and think that the Homeland Security bit is as bonkers as we do. Americans who have travelled tend to be a bit more discerning, I find.

Had a couple of G&Ts before bed and slept well. Moved back yet another hour (it’s quite hard to get up late in these conditions – in fact I’m determined to somehow manufacture a 25 hour lifestyle for myself). To take this point on further, I may have to recognise that the reorganisation of standard hours in the day may be difficult on a global basis. As such I intend to invent a new condition (like the good folks over in the ADHD industry). In fact just by mentioning it and publishing it on the internet, I can now prove it exists.

I’m torn between a short acronym for pithy reference in support groups or a longer one for gravitas in scientific journals. At the moment it’s either Extra Hour Syndrome (EHS) or Tardiness through Daily Deficient Hours Disorder (TDDHD).

Now my condition is recognised and exists I can tap into all sorts of resources to support me at work, and organise employment patterns to suit my disability. Back to this as I develop theories (with my new MSc still shiny out of the packet), and work out the most appropriate drug regime.

Today’s tune is Wishin’ and Hopin’ by Dusty

This blizzard of updates is about to cease. Getting on the train for 3 days in the morning and I suspect there’ll be no wi-fi there.

Been up the CN Tower today, along with everyone else, once the sun had come out. Pleased I did – poss pic to follow. The last time I had a gin martini in a tall building it was the World Trade Centre.

Some info on Canada (well, Toronto);

By law, all residents of Toronto must carry a cup with the words ‘Tim Horton’ on it, between 0830 and 0930 each morning – but only while on the street, public transport or in their homes or cars.

Ontario’s laws on licensing make it virtually impossible to buy off sales – Rob, shouldn’t you have mentioned this? Shaun, you can never rely on a convenience store for 6 cans of Stella. Imagine that and have nightmares.

Right I’m off to electronic and radio silence (unless I miss the train). Unlikely to be able to keep up with the weekend’s footy or Eric Loves Me’s progress in the National Ffrett League. John, Ang, Shaun or Mike, I expect the code on Monday in my inbox. Although what interweb link I’ll be granted in the Rockies should be interesting. Might have to bribe a Mountie!

Tonight’s song – Leave the Capitol, The Fall (I know I’m not in Ottowa).

106 hours

Now it could be said that a little spice could pep up a log such as this and John Kenyon has contributed the following;

“…we will be following your adventures especially if you accept this challenge. your mission is to find a bar in S America showing either of the forthcoming Old firm games. First one is on Wed 9th November. Get a good picture,(pref with either you or someone with you wearing the hoops!) one that we can send up to the Celtic View and you win a St Werburgh’s CSC polo shirt. It has the Eastgate Clock with the four leaf shamrock replacing the clock face and the tricolour flying from the top!

Good luck agent Parry!”

Just the sort of contribution required! Cheers John. I’ll hopefully be on that freighter on the ninth, but there’s another match a couple of weeks later when I’m supposed to be in Colombia. It’s more likely to be a Galway GAA top than the Hoops, by the way.

Any other challenges other than the obvious current one will be considered. After all, I can always delete them.

Right the sun’s just come out in Toronto. Off out for the afternoon.

See you later.

Today’s track – Wonderful World, Beautiful People – Jimmy Cliff