The world according to K

This tour has got to be one the best things that I’ve done in Aussie so far.
It was a 9 day tour – via Mini bus – camping – roughing it – from Darwin to Kakadu and Litchfield National Parks, then on to Alice Springs and finally Uluru ( Ayers Rock ).

photies show all the gang by a huge termite mound , A saltie crocodile , and signs warning you, the gorges, me at Litchfield with Lisa, and one of Golden boy Gordon. The man in the big hat is Steve – AKA the David Brent Guide !

Huge driving distances to cover and remember you are stuck on a bus with basically the same people for 7-9 days.

Here I struck lucky, on this trip as I met up with most hysterical and wonderful company- Gordon ( Golden Boy ), Lisa , Mark ( AKA Jimmy Cricket ) < Nick , Taylor ( Canadian Cowboy and girl), Vanessa ( Mad woman from Germany) Carolyn the Frenchie and of course the Irish contingencey as rep by Sinead. Good company truly makes a trip , but with great company that makes for a most memorable happy time.. Yea we saw some aamazing things - at the National parks in Kakadu and Litchfield we climbed in the heat- nearly collapsing from the scrambling over huge rocks, to find just around the corner the most glorious PLUNGE POOLS in the river. Swimming in these pools after viewing signs warning about crocodiles in the area ( But its OK coz these are freshwater Crocs" and they usually " leave you alone !!!!!!!!) It was exhilerating. Magic moment of lying on my back viewing the steep impressive gorge walls at either side and just floating there in the cool water..fab stuff. Another highlight - jumping into a tiny deep plunge pool - 1.5 metres below to emerge on the other side - quite scary and hair raising as once you/ve jumped into deep punge pool no other way out but to dive below the rock..... Camping in tents under - and prepping own meals etc was all part of the fun. Other sights included seeing the famous large salties - Saltwater crocs on the Mary River. I really dont like these prehistoric - menacing anilmals - they look and will tear you shreds if they have the opportunity---not good - but had to be seen. Hate to be on the receiving end of one of them . After spending one night in a huge loud noisy hostel back in Darwin again - we were off again next day for the ROAD TRIP to Alice Springs A WORD ABOUT GUIDES – GOOD AND BAD

Our first guide Steve has got to be one of the most socially de-skilled person I have met in a long time. Think of David Brent crossed with Crocodile Dundee. He didnt wear shoes , and wore the most humonguos huge hat . He was realtively new to the job and although he did indeed know his stuff- land and plants – fauna etc..his fear of talking to people in a group manifested itself as a cold stare if you said anything,- and comments with a sneer or with a hint of menace. He couldnt help it…he was really terified of us I think..

The group were quiet when he was around….but we still bonded and had a great time in the national parks.

Our next guide….

JUSTIN THE MAIN MAN

This man Justin deserves an award for being the funniest guide on the planet of OZ. He took us from Darwin to Alice – and his words – this is “not a tour ..but a road trip with interesting road houses ( bars ) on the way ..and sweet bugger all else in between..hhhhhaaa”

His honesty and forthwright descriptions of the true nature of what happened with the aboriginals of this land, made him our hero for a 3 days travelling.

His higlight stops were the interesting rock formations of the Devils Marbles, a trip to Katherine Gorge, then on to Tennant Creek.

THE DALY WATER ROADHOUSE
Here is the iconic DALY WATERS Outback hotel – literally in the middle of BUGGER ALL. Justin the guide believes that the sun has got to people who live in this area or they drink too much or spend too long on their own . Whatever the reason the pub is hotch potch of wierd and wonderful eccentric collections – phoneboxes , beer cans line the walls , stuffed – manamade huge animals – wierd signs , and even a stuffed buffalo – famed for being in Crocodile Dundee the film. However this bufalo was stuffed in America..and they botched the job – so now it looks like a short legged bison…on the bar. sorry this buffalo I’ve just been told by Golden sitting next to me whilst I type was in the first road house – the name we have forgotton…….butt out Gordon

We spent nights under the stars and I was introduced to the swag for the first time ( a large tough canvas sleeping sack with hood – that you lie on desert floor and put own sleeping bag into – and then well …..just hope the spiders and scorpions don’t get in.)

The Condiment Monster

Evenings were spent in great company around the campfire telling “pass it on ghost stories ” ( guess who started that one Jan B? ) one of which involved the emergence of a huge monster that oozed jam , and could only be killed by people throwing bread at it from a canon- “The Condiment Monster” lives on in the desert wilderness of Tennant Creek.
Other higlights were trying to play the didgeriedoo but making farting noises instead..My little Piggy…and one word stories that were so grammatically inaccurate that Nick passed out from frustration.

Mant thanks to Justin the super guide who made an otherwise none descript long journey one of the funniest. = regardless of moaning Israeli’s passengers that we helped out.

<strong>THE ANTHEM and Inane conversation

Thanks to Gordon the Scot -The Proclaimers singing – I will walk 500 miles has now been introduced to the Northern territories of OZ. On the bus this was one of the funniest highlights whilst we sang at the top of our voices- including in the the chorus the chants of BOBBY DAVRO ..BOBBY DAVRO
( try it ).
To make it even funnier ……
3 Israeli passengers had to be put on our bus as the air conditioning on their super duper posh truck broke down. They had paid a huge amount of money to be a part of a private trip, and yet found theselves stuck on our bus – to get back to Alice ..in the company of us lunatics singing at the top of our voices along with the Proclaimers. I will never forget their faces – or the fact the wife started to tap her fingers……The husband just sat there –impassive –not flinching…Hysterical

Other magical moments

Here’s how you know that you can trust that a group has bonded without a doubt. You can spend three YES 3 HOURS solid talking absolute crap – by asking the following questions- examples ebing … Red or blue? Drowning or caught in a fire?Tommy Cooper or the Crankies…Digestives or Hob Knobs? Think about this – 3 hours of complete inane , ludicruos crap conversation and we all loved it – esp when it came to play Charades.

Memorable quotes
Memorable quote made by Vanessa when asked “what book would you have loved to write?”

Her answer – My own autobiography…of
course …bloodyhell ..shit..”

Another memorable day — National Speak like a Pirate Day– we celebarted in style – OOOOOOAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

One of the stops we had on this tour was at WYCLIFFE a road house – which has to be the weirdist place ever.
It is famous for the number of UFO sightings – abductions by UFO aliens, and even had newspaper clippings proving the point. Yeh well it was in the middle of absolutely NOWHERE..so they had to drum up some business.
well I never saw any UFO’s ..let alone aliens ………..

Plus backtracking a bit …on the road we stopped at the strange rock formations called the Devils Marbles. Scrambling one one to climb I fell backwards…nearly over the edge to gasps of horror from Justin our guide..but I just stopped in time before the edge ..and ended up scraping my arm ..thank GOD. Only a scrape.

After saying goodbye to Steve and Jo ( who was in Sidney at that time ) and giving them my heartfelt thanks for putting up with me for so long, I left Perth and flew to DARWIN. DARWIN I ended up ... [Continue reading this entry]

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