The Final Day!
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006I told you all I would give you an account of the final day so I did not want to disappoint…Here goes nothing.
7:02 – Buzz…Buzzz…Buzz – My Alarm Clock went off
7:03 – After sitting in bed for a few minutes I remembered how one of the guys in the dorm snored so bad all night and kept me up.
7:04 – Ripped a huge Rooster Fart hoping to wake everyone up in the dorm. My last official goodbye to all the people I had to share dorm rooms with. For those of you who do not know what a rooster fart is let me explain. It is one of those farts that quickly gets brewed up upon being awake. I guess if it smells bad enough you are forced to get up and get in the shower. This particular rooster fart had more sounds than a symphony orchestra and I honestly hope it woke people up.
7:05 – For whatever reason I got this song in my head, “All my life, watching in America…All my life, theres panic in America.” Now I had not heard this song in ages and I wonder how the hell it got into my head on the day I was finnally flying back to America. There are strange things at work in my head…perhaps I should stop smoking doobies.
7:11 – Hit the shower…Holy Crap, there is hot water and water pressure. For a country that gets more rain than any place I have been in the world they are pretty frugal with the water. Most of the showers in Ireland that I used have just one button that you push and that keeps the water on for about 10 seconds and then you have to continue to push it during the shower. They also dont have controls to adjust the water temperature. If it is cold, then tough crap, you have to deal with it.
7:30 – Got out of the shower and realized it was about 7:30 and crapped myself because my bus to the airport left at 8 and I had not had all of my stuff packed up. I had to drag all of my stuff outside of the room because I was kind enough not to turn the light on. Keep in mind the sun does not come up at this time of year in Ireland until about 830 or so.
7:45 – Literally sprinting down the street to the bus station. If I missed the bus I could have caught a later one but I didn’t want to excercise that option.
7:48 – Get to the bus, buy my ticket and realize it is only 7:48, crudbugglers! I then punch myself in the face and realize that I hate buses and I hate all of you!
8:00 – Bus Departs and I give one quick check in my bag to make sure I have my wallet and my passport and I cannot find them, I left them at the hostel….Hahahah, just kidding, I didn’t.
8:01 – 9:30 – Spent the time on the bus reminiscing about the trip. Remembering all the places I had been and people I had met. I also heard that “Watching America” song again.
9:45 – Walked into the bathroom at the airport and had to brush my teeth and shave. I was supposed to do it at the hostel but because I ran out of time I got to do it in the airport. I felt like Tom Hanks character in Terminal. Shaving at the airport and brushing my teeth, what have I done with my life? I should have told people I was from Krakozia, maybe they would have understood.
10:02 – Checked in on one of the little computer screens and then handed my bag off at the desk…Woo Hoo, I dont have to carry that stupid bag anymore!
10:07 – Had a look at a few of the shops and realized yet again how ridiculously over priced Ireland and Europe is.
10:13 – Took of all my clothes and ran around the airport naked screaming: “The Apocalypse is coming…the Apocalypse is coming…Save yourselves…Save yourselves!”
10:43 – Was told by security that even after my outburst I would still be allowed to fly home, I think mostly because they didn’t want to deal with me.
11:30 – Watched the BBC news for the 15th time and could pretty much recite verbatim. Then asked myself why the hell did Aer “Cunnie” Lingus ask me to get to the airport 3.5 hours early.
12:00 – Went through security and pretty much had to get naked again to go through. They were a bit suspicious about me and gave me a cavity search, not a bady way to finish the trip I will tell you that.
12:15 – Got rid of my last few Euros at the duty free and heard the announcement that people on the Boston flight were needed to head to the immigration line.
12:16 – Filled out the wrong form and had to go back and fill out another, luckily I realized this before I got into line.
12:45 – Got to the front of the line and was called forward. Now on the form it asks you how many countries you have visited on this trip out of the United States…well it has been about 30 or so. There is not enough room on the sheet to list more than one…”All my life, retards in America….All my life, flipping burgers in America.” So the lady looked at me and asked me what countries I had been to and I told her about 30 or so. “Well we need to know which ones…well what continents?” she finnally said. I listed the continents and then got grilled about what countires in asia, and how long has it been since I’ve been there and what countries in Africa and how long as hit been since I’ve been there. Apparently carrying a U.S. passport meant nothing to these miserable losers working immigration. I know their job sucks, I would not want it but perhaps a smile and a “how are you” would make people feel a little more at ease. Now dont get me wrong I like the fact they are being safe but it seems a bit much. On the U.S. immigration sign it says, “Keep our doors open and our borders safe.” It should say, “Give us your F*cken passport and if we are in a good mood we will let you in.”
1:00 – Got my duty free items. If they are liquid they wont let you take them out of the shop and you have to get them at the gate.
1:25 – The plane finnally took off and I was on my way.
1:40 – Started chatting with the gentlemen next to me. Told him about my trip and then he proceeded to tell me no one would hire me at a job anywhere because I have been out of the country for 8 months and that they would assume I would go traveling again and therefore not waste their time. I got a little excited at this news flash and then grabbed his balls and got up in his face and said…”I am on this flight for two reasons, to chew bubble gum and kick some ass, and right now I am all out of Bubble Gum.”
1:41 – 8:00 – (Disclaimer: These time are Irish, I will switch back once I land.) During this time I read my book, watched “Talladega Nights” with Will Farrell. Got to listen to the guy next to me tell me how he just had a revelation and he was going to go and quit his job next week and go traveling…Do you see the impact I have on peoples lives? It is amazing.
3:02 – Touched down in Boston…I cannot tell you how wierd this felt. Back in the states, but it felt like it was another foreign country.
3:25 – Waited forever for my bag…dropped some tear gas to make the crowd disperse so I could make it to the front where the bags were dropping onto the thingy or whatever it is called. Then had a tear trickle down my face when I saw my bag drop.
3:26 – Gave my customs form to the guy. He gave me a look of disguist, pretty much like most girls do when I say hello, and then said, “How long have you been out of the country?” “Aaah, 8 months sir.” The he looked me up and down again and realized he did not want to search my stuff for fear that he would actually have to do something at his job and then waved me forward with the paper in his hand and said, “Bye.” Walked through and spotted my folks…Woo hoo, got a big hug from Mom and Dad. Then I dropped my things and ran around the airport terminal again yelling…”Merry Christmas…Merry Christmas you old Starbucks…Merry Christmas Burger King…” OK, that did not happen.
The rest of the night was spent at home relaxing and enjoying the nice quiet sounds of a house without strangers. I went to bed at midnight and awoke at 6:30 in the morning…I hate jet lag.
Anway, Andrew Smithers has now arrived in Boston. Me and Andy shared quite a few adventures in Asia together and are gonna take over Beantown. Perhaps there could be another blog entry because of it…Stay Tuned!
Gagnonius