Brian’s Wish List!
I know it’s early but I thought I would give you all a chance to beat the crowds and get my christmas gifts early. There is lots of things that I will need to help me get started again once I get home. I have had lots of time to think about what I want and should I see any of these things under the tree after running down the stairs I will be one happy camper.
Money – If all else fails, pulling out the old checkbook certainly won’t. I could use the money to support my new drug habit or to pay for my counseling sessions.
Underwear – Once I peel off the pair that has been on me for the past 7 months I will need a fresh one to put on
Old Spice (Woman Repellent) – Not that I need anyhelp, but let’s just be sure.
Rally Tennis – (inside joke)
Blow up Doll – How did this get on my list? I must have been thinking about the list that my brother tom gave me.
Car – I will need a way to get around. Preferably something around the mid to late 80’s. No heat or Air Conditioning. A cassette player if possible. Ok, I will just spell it out…A Dodge Airies…please! I’ve been a good boy this year.
Gift Certificate to Scamchettes Auto – For those that dont know, Rich Scamchette…aaah i mean, Rich Blanchette has a car repair shop in Dracut, Massachusetts. Rich specializes in replacing engines and everything else that will go wrong with my Dodge Airies. He usually fixes it up just good enough to drive it out of the lot and be out of sight before it breaks down on the side of the road. Then you get to go walk back to the shop while your car is on fire on the side of the road and talk to the guy at the front desk who doesn’t remember that your car has been in the shop longer than he has been working there and whose name just happens to be Dick…how did his parents know? (Huge Exhale)
Mullet Wig – If I end up at Hampton Beach I want to fit in.
White Tanktops – Can’t have a mullet wig without wife beaters.
Velcrow High Top Sneakers – The best and fastest way to run from the cops and most fashionable if you end up on cops while at Hampton Beach.
White Knee Socks – Preferably with colored stripes
Denim shorts – to complete the outfit
Books and Magazines
Driving friends around drunk while you are underage for Dummies – Oops, looking at toms list again…sorry!
Chicken Soup for the man who can’t get laid soul! – just in case!
Breaking TV remotes for Dummies
Subscription to Jobless, Homeless, Friendless, Pennyless Loser Weekly
Subscription to Janitors Illustrated
Subscription to Jelly of the month club
101 things to say when you get turned down from jobs that you now have to pretend you didn’t want anyway.
Sacking Groceries for Dummies – would you like paper or…aaah…damnit, what’s the other kind?
Flipping Burgers for Dummies – Welcome to McDonalds…How can I help you?
Become a mall security agent in 25 simple steps
Chicken Soup for the crazed coffee drinkers soul – Sorry, must be from my dad’s list.
101 Exciting recipes using tree bark – Sorry, must be from my brother Dans list.
Nerf Football – who wouldn’t want a nerf football?
Dungeons and Dragons – What?
A Room in my parents basement – to play with my Dungeons and Dragons of course.
Zeppelin – Wow…Whopeeeee…A Zeppelin.
Pink sweatpants – Sorry, must be from my mom’s list.
Acid Wash Jeans – Sorry, Dads list again.
Casual 21st century type shoes – Sorry, must be from my brother jeffs list.
Drawstring for my sweatpants when brian is around – Sorry, must be from Bobby Hinostros list.
Trinkets and Figurines – enough said.
Dingleberry Trimmer – Sorry, this must be from my dog maggies list…oh wait…it is on Jeffs list too.
Please feel free to post any of your lists. I would love to know what everyone else wants for xmas. It is not too early.
Tags: Christmas, Travel
Gagnonius
Hello again: I already got Bobby the drawstring sweats. Jeff needs a real wood shop; Nikki , some time off without phones: Mike, half-interest in a jewelry or electronics store and Fran, plants that automatically get planted, watered and fertillized.
A very funny list. Have you ever thought of writing for a living?
Later, Fran
This is quite wierd. Just the day before I read this blog, I was telling one of my classes about some of our classic Christmas gift stories. I told them about the hot pink sweatpants and how you thought I would laugh and return them but instead was thrilled to get another pair. Which I still have and wear. However, they are not quite hot pink enough. What about the Brad Isbister jersey? That was special. I talked about the acid wash jeans that kept getting regifted. I actually saw a woman the other day coming out of Hanniford’s in Dracut (I was doing school shopping.) She had on a pair of skinny leg acid wash jeans. I had all I could do not to go up to her and inquire as to where she got them. Are they making a comeback? I hope so.
As I got a little stir crazy shopping for my nephew who is about 20, I typed in a search for Brian’s gift list and your’s popped up. I guess if he has your humor, I can’t go wrong with what I pick. Thanks for the laughter.