Get Busy Livin or Get Busy Dyin!

I’m slightly under the influence of an extremely happy pizza so bear with me for this post. I will explain what the extremely happy pizza is but we have a few things we need to be caught up on first.

Me and Andy purchased our $5 bus tickets from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap. There were basically 3 options for the bus ride:

Option 1: 9$ – Bus Included, A/C, Water, Movie and a small meal, with bigger seats.

Option 2: 6$ – Bus Included A/C, and Movie

Option 3: $5 – Bus Included a goat that walked up and down the aisles, ok not really. A baby who vomited that sat next to Andy. A guy with an extremely hairy mole that sat next to me. This hair was at least 2 inches in lenghth. It also had seats with enough leg room so that you were actually sitting with your knees under your chin. It provided A/C that couldn’t cool down the Arctic Circle. Last and most importantly it provided a movie screen that played endless loops of Cambodian Karaoke Music Videos….I will explain!

We were happy that we went with the $5 option until we found out that everyone on the bus paid about 3.75…stupid guesthouse ripoff!

So let’s get back to the Cambodian Karaoke Music Videos. These are absolutely the worst things in the world to listen to. The music, the singing, everything, it is awful. I wonder if there are mom’s and dad’s in cambodia who call the cable company to have the Cambodian Karaoke Music Video channel removed because it’s a bad influence on their kids? I tell you though this thing could be used as punishment if need be. If Jack Bauer got his hands on a few copies of some Cambodian Karaoke Music Videos it would turn a season of 24 into one episode.

“Damnit Chloe…I’ve got the Cambodian Karaoke Music Videos…where are these bastards?”

(Chloe making her epic frowning face) “Jack…hold on…i’m trying to call up the coordinates…it’s taking longer than I thought.”

Then Edgar turns to Jack and says, “Jack I think I can find it…just give me a minute longer…)

Chloe says: “Edgar…shut up…i have it right here.”

Jack then is able to establish direct video communication with the terrrorists and then plays the Cambodian Karaoke Music Videos only to watch them bash their skulls out and detinate the nuclear bomb on their laps instead of on L.A.

This is the effect 6 hours of this stuff can do to you. I would rather have front row seats and backstage passes to a Worldwide Hansen Reunion Tour than listen to this junk. You could lock me in a padded room and play “mmmmmmmm…bop” over and over and it would be absolutely nothing compared to this. I’d rather bring home 10 bad report cards to my dad on the day he got fired unexpectedly from his job than listen to Cambodian Karaoke Music Videos. I’d rather have a prostate exam from Captain Hook than listen to Cambodian Karaoke Music Videos. Please tell me this is registering with you.

So after 6 painstaking hours we arrived in Sieam Reap. As the bus pulled into the station I looked out the window and saw about 50 or so guys sprinting right next to the bus as it came to a stop. Now this was no ordinary sprinting. This was the kind of sprinting that Rocky did in Rocky II. The sprint scene where all the kids were running behind him and he took off. Then there was that one kid who made a valiant attempt to keep up with him but couldn’t. Picture that scene now with 50 Cambodian guys and not little kids. These guys are crazy, they stand outside the exit to the bus screaming and yelling…

“Tuk Tuk…you need guesthouse…Motorbike ride…guesthouse…aaaah!

Holy Cruddbugglers…walking off the bus with all those people around made me feel like I was in the band on the Worldwide Hansen Reunion Tour as it pulled into Dracut, Massachusetts. They are grabbing you and pushing you and getting right up in your face…it’s unbelievable. As a joke i took my bags and starting sprint walking circles around the bus only to be followed by almost all of them…absolutley hilarious. Me and Andy looked at each other, broke out laughing and realized it was one of those moments that would make for a good story. I know now what it must have been like to be that one kid in the pot lot at Dracut High who actually had a good bad of weed…could you imagine all the attention he would have gotten…Dan you may have to help answer this one.

We finnally got a ride to a nice guesthouse for free and for $3 a night we got a hut with two mattresses and a giant mosquito net.

If you are bothered by beggars and people trying to sell you stuff stay away from Siem Reap. Kids, no older than 10 years old are on the streets selling anything from books, to bracelets, to water, to gum, to bread…you name it. I hate seeing the kids have to work like this. Some of the kids are little punks or decroded pieces of crap. Most are really cute and innocent and meant to make you feel bad to by something, which usually works. I had one little girl harrass me pretty much the whole day at the temples to buy bracelets. At lunchtime I told her I would come back and look, hoping she would give up and go away. 1 hour later she was still sitting outisde the restaurant waiting for me…horrible. I told her no again and she got mad because she said…

“You promised Mr.”

Finnally at the end of the day i bought a few bracets from her for 50 cents. If the kids aren’t begging you to buy things they are simply begging for money while holding a sickly young baby in their hands…yeah, that’s pleasant. It’s so hard for me to be cold and not acknowledge their presence. I have to say hello and make jokes with them, but they won’t take no for an answer and they make you feel guilty if you don’t buy. The problem is that the kids go home and give the money to mom and dad. Ask them where the money goes and that’s what they say. These kid’s are not in school but most can speak amazing english. They probably can’t get to level 1-2 on Super Mario Brothers but it’s not because their dad put their nintendo in his trunk. I feel bad that these kids don’t get the chance to sit around and watch tv all day or chat on the internet. They don’t get to supersize their Spicy McChicken or get to wash it down with Cotton Candy. Sadly thought they don’t come home from school to do their homework so that they can go out and play with their friends…they work for a living. I feel like if i was raised in Cambodia my dad would have had me selling books on the street because he would have known I didn’t belong in school…

“Not with these Maaaaaaaaaaaaahks…you aaaaah goin’ nowhea fast. Gonna end up makin pizza ya whole life…is that what you want…you betta staht producin.”

My Reply:

“I hate you…i wish you weren’t my real father.”

The temples of Angor Wat themselvs were nice but not my type of thing. I felt like I was on a school field trip…although to be fair Angkor Wat doesn’t look like a wastewater treatment plant. The Temples are beautiful, there is a ton of history but it’s hot and humid and after 10 hours i’d had enough. If you are a history buff or an archaeological buff…or are just hoping to be any kind of “buff”, i mean i’d like to be a buff of something, this would be the place for you. It is one of the 7 Man Made wonders of the world…that’s gotta be worth something.

On our last night out in Siem Reap, me, andy and a guy nate from american we had met, went out to the bar and played some pool. We paid, 35 cents for a beer, and played pool for a few hours. As I looked around I noticed that what I thought to be a bunch of beautiful woman at the bar was actually a bunch of ladyboys. There is nothing more manly than sinking the 8 ball in the corner pocket as a bunch of guys dressed up as woman are cheering you on. If you are ever in a situation where you are not sure if that lady is a guy here a few things to look for:

– If they ask you if you want sex while their standing next to you at a urinal, it’s probably not a lady.

– If while whispering sweet nothings into your ear you notice their adam’s apple rubbing up against yours, it’s probably not a lady.

– If they have “man hands”….yes man hands!

So I enjoyed Siem Reap and would love to go back. We then had to take the 6 hour bus ride back to Phnom Penh. No, not more Cambodian Karaoke Music Videos. Just picture me on my knees next to the bus with my hands raised to the air and screaming…

“I will get you Cambodian Karaoke Music Videos…I will get yooooooooooooooooooou.”

Back in Phnom Penh, pronounce the P in Phnom as a hard P, me and andy went through the rock star bus exit again and settled in a nice guesthouse on the lake in Phnom Penh. Andy had bought a football in Thailand that he likes to call the “Gridiron.” We found a local park and when we started throwing it around, we became instant celebrities. Watching a Cambodian look at this thing and try to figure out how to throw it is hilarious. They have no clue how to do it and when one guys throws it and it’s horrible all the others laugh until it’s their turn to throw and the ball goes up in the air and spins like a helicopter only to land about 10 feet in front of me. We did this for two days at this park and had an absolutely great time. It was a chance to see how much fun and good spirited these Cambodians are. The smile on their face is usually genuine and there are so many good people who have dealt with horrible things.

So tonight me and Andy went out to dinner at this place called the “Flying Elephant.” We sat down and opened up the menu. They had Khmer food and western food. I hadn’t had a pizza in a while and when i saw the page i nearly dropped the menu. I could tottally crush a pizza, i said to myself. Right at the top of the menu, below where it said pizza was this sentence that said…

Happy, picture of a smiley face, 50 cents.

Extremely Happy,smiley face, $1.00

I asked the server what it meant and he went behind the counter and brought a bag of weed over to the table and said…

“You want to get Happy or Extremely Happy.”

I looked across the table at Andy and we both pretty much agreed that we wanted to get Extremely Happy! You order a pizza and sprinkle the mary-jane on top of it…It’s really strong Oregano man…hahahahaha…it’s cooooooool!

So that is the present state of mind I’m in right now. Although I didn’t get extremely happy, or even that happy, It was still a good pizza. I Imagine that if my brother Tom ever came to Cambodia it would be his favorite restaurant. Here is tom’s reaction if I had said that to his face in front of our family….

Tom’s hands raised in the air…”No it wouldn’t be….why do you have to say that…your such an asshole…God… that’s the last time I tell you anything.”

Here would be my mom’s reaction to that…

“He doesn’t do that…does he? Don’t you think I would know if he was doing that?”

Here would be my Dad’s reaction to that…

“You know Tom…if you wanna fry your brains out that’s fine…but when you need money to waste on pizza and beer don’t come to me.”

Tom’s Reaction:

“O.K Dad…Why don’t you go back to Nab?”

This would all be happening as me, jeff and dad would be laughing and making faces at Tom.

So tomorrow, July 9th, I will wake up and board a bus to Vietnam. I want you all to picture me on a bus listening to Cambodian Karoake Music Videos while the song, “Paint it Black,” by the stones is playing in my head. Isn’t that the song that always has to be playing when there is movie about the Vietnam war and guys are being shown in a helicopter peppering the ground with bullets?

What an absolute eye opener Phnom Penh is. The bus ride from Sihanoukville winded through some absolutely beautiful countryside. The one thing i’ve noticed while traveling through southeast asia is that it is home to some of the most beautiful countrysides imagineable. The problem is they have no understanding of how to keep them cleam. The trash and the filth that you can see on the side of the road as you ride past villages is absolutely astounding. The filth and nastiness that these people live in is something you cannot comprehend. It really saddened me to see it. One thing we have in the western world is education about taking care of the environment, that knowledge doesn’t exist here. The bus pulled into the middle of Phnom Penh and we were once again greeted by hoards of tuk-tuk and motorbike drivers. We were taken to a guesthouse, this time we chose it, i think, and it was very nice. Same price as the on in Sihanoukville but not as nice. They had very cheap food and it did make you feel pretty safe. The next day me and Andy once again rented motorbikes to cruise around. Our destination was the Killing Fields just outside of town. For those of you who may not have the stomach for this one, feel free to turn this off now as it is not pretty. The Killing Fields were the place people were taken to be murdered during Pol Pot’s Khmer regime during the mid 70’s. It is absolutely without question the most horrifying thing i’ve ever witnessed. Why I wanted to visit it, I don’t really know. I think mostly to gain an understanding of Cambodia and their people and to have an appreciation of what they went through. We pulled up to the dusty parking lot and were greeted by children asking us if we would pay them to watch our bikes. It breaks your heart to see these kids but you cannot trust them, no matter how bad you feel for them. We paid the $2 entrance fee and were greeted by a massive tower filled with human skulls. Most of the skulls have massive cracks and pieces missing from the blunt objects they were struck with when they were killed. The Khmer apparently didnt’want to waste bullets so they would kill them with the back of the gun or other tools. If seeing the piles of skulls doesn’t get you walking around and seeing the mass graves will. They are everywhere. Just big holes in the ground now covered with grass where a sign is there to tell you approximately how many people were burried here. As you walk down the trail to the next mass grave you can’t help but notice the pieces of bone protruding from the ground all around you. You are walking over human remains…it’s shocking. I can’t being to comprehend what these people have gone through and how most of them still manage a smile and a friendly hello as they greet you at the entrance of this place. All told during the 4 year reign of Pol Pot approximately 2 million cambodians were brutally tortured and eventually murdered. The worst thing I have ever experienced in my lifetime was 9/11. Seeing the devastation and death involved with that was something I will never forget. To learn about what happened here and to know that these people experienced the equivalent of several hundred 9/11’s over a period of about 5 years is astounding. This is where the moral dilemma comes in. You are constantly being ripped off and are always paying too much for thigns. It makes you very angry but ultimately it’s the difference of about a few dollars or as little as 25 cents. These people are extremely poor and have dealt with some horrible things yet you are constantly having this inner battle with yourself over it. Seeing little kids, out working and selling food or books and not in schools is tough. However knowing that those kids are trying to rip you off makes you not care. It’s an extremely tough thing to deal with but it’s part of the world we live in i guess. Not always fair but it’s a cruel reality that here in Cambodia is right out in the open. I’m now off to Siem Reap to view Angkor Wat…I will have more updates in the coming days.

So after the hour or so bus ride we were dropped off at what I thouht was on of the shadiest border crossings i'd ever seen. Basically there is a tiny little building with two windows where you get ... [Continue reading this entry]