Get Busy Livin or Get Busy Dyin!

Greetings from Scotland. I’d have to tell you that this past week in Scotland was a nice break and gave me the ability to catch up on a little sleep and rediscover the magical world of television. I’m staying with my friend Kevin who I met back in the states about 7 years ago working at a summer camp. Since we last saw each other Kevin has now a beautiful wife and is a dad to two young lads. Lucas, his oldest son at about 2 and a half is getting potty trained. They have a little potty in the living room and when he needs to go he tells them and they sit him right down to do his business. I suggested we all get potty’s so that we can drop turds at the same time but we then agree it would not be the best idea. His youngest Calad is only 6 months but he spends his days sleeping, screaming about nothing or crying because he’s hungry, what a life. Kevin owns a house in a small community just south of Aberdeen called Cove Bay. I forgot how nice it was to be in a house with a kitchen, water pressure, hot water, and satellite television. I’ve honestly spent the week watching, Everybody Love Raymond, Scrubs, Frasier, Cheers and any descent movie that is on. Isn’t that exciting? I will admit the week has been nice but i’m now getting the itch to go and do some things or someone…did i really just say that?

I will most likely be in Scotland for another week and a half. I’m next heading down to Manchester England to visit a few folks i’ve met along the way before finishing off the month down in London. Now I need your help. I’m going to give you all the opportunity to live vicariously through me for the next two months, or at least until my trip ends sometime in December.

I need a little help on where exactly to go in Europe. It’s quite a huge place with tons of different countries. Where would you go? What would you do? Perhaps I could brush up on my spanish and run with the bulls in Pamplona? How about climbing the Eifel Tower and spending my days wandering around Paris? I could sail the Greek Isles? I could go to Euro Disney…please don’t anyone suggest that one, it was a joke. What about tasting every beer possible that Germany has to offer? Maybe drinking a bottle of fine italian wine while sitting on a Gondola in Venice? I want to hear from you. Keep in mind i’m still on a budget but due to the cheap flights around Europe I can pretty much go anywhere I want, whenever I want so i’d love to have your input and hopefully make a decision in the next week or so. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

I want to give you all a little insight into the days I spent traveling from South Africa all the way up to Aberdeen, Scotland. I awoke on the morning on the 28th of September. My things were packed and I was ready to move on. My flight left at 1055 a.m. I arrived at the airport shortly after 9 in the morning with what I assumed was plenty of time to make my flight. I walked inside the international departure terminal and took a quick look at the lines as they zig zagged all over and thought there was no way I was making my flight. I took a look up at the board to see the massive array of destinations all around the world that people were waiting to go to. I asked a few people in what looked to be lines where they were going and non of them where where I was going, Congo, Kenya, Saudi Arabia, oh boy! I manged to find my line and waited patiently as it slowly inched forward. After a few minutes I was asked by a lady working for the airline I was on to take a quick detour to the first class desk to check in since I was traveling by myself. I must have had a stockpile of Karma as I was very happy by this latest development. I checked in, proceeded through immigration, collected another stamp in an already full passport and headed to the gate with time to spare. I spent the rest of my South African Rand at the shop and boarded the plane. My Gulf Air flight was destined for Bahrain. Bahrain lies in the middle of the Persian Gulf just off the coast of Saudi Arabia. I would have a 4.5 hour layover there before getting to London. The flight to Bahrain was about 8 hours. We cruised up and over the east coast of Africa before crossing over Saudia Arabai and touching down on the tiny little island nation of Bahrain. I walked around the airport a few hundred times and looked at the duty free shops until I was blue in the face until my plane to London departed at 130 in the morning. The flight to London was pleasant. I had an emergency exit row seat with loads of legroom. From Bahrain the plane headed north over Iraq and across Europe to London. It was quite strange to fly over Iraq and look down and see the lights of some of the cities. A country that is always at the center of war and controversy and that always seems so distant and far away was now lying about 35,000 feet just below me. At 630 in the morning we finnally touched down in London’s Heathrow Airport. I proceeded to immigration and was asked every question imaginable by the officer on duty. In the end he knew more about me than anyone should ever know and I’m not quite sure what he would do with that information but it got me into the country so i guess it was necessary.

My flight to Scotland wasn’t until 8 P.M. that evening but I figured I could get on an earlier one without a problem…bad idea. I first thought my flight to Aberdeen was out of Heathrow but upon closer inspection of my receipt realized it was out of Gatwick and not Heathrow. I then had to board a bus to Gatwick Airport which is about 90 minutes away. Upon arrival I was told by the woman behind the counter that there was only one other flight to Aberdeen that was already full and because of the restrictions on my ticket couldn’t get on it anyway even if it wasn’t full.

I was pretty much in for one of the longest days in airport history. I pretty much felt like Tom Hank’s character in the movie, Terminal. I wandered aimlessly around the departure lounges and duty free shops like a zombie as I had been without sleep for quite a while. I watched BBC news at a pub about 500 times and pretty much knew everything about what was happening in and around the United Kingdom. I then memorized every single announcement made over the public address system and was saying them quietly to myself as they were being broadcast to the airport passengers. it was such a long day I honestly don’t know how I managed to not go crazy. When my flight to Aberdeen finally touched down it had been almost 36 hours of straight traveling, out of this world. So as great as traveling is and seeing all these amazing things is keep in mind that getting to these places is not exactly that exciting. The worst part about traveling sometimes is the actually traveling. Would I have given those two days back to be sitting in traffic or be at work? Absolutely Not. You take the good with the bad and move forward.

I will leave you now with this one completely random thought. For some reason the country of Ghana a small nation on the coast in eastern Africa got into my head while I was sitting in a dazed state at the airport. Perhaps I saw the country being named in a newspaper article or on the news or something but it made me think of this. Are people from Ghana called Ghanarians?

After nearly 2 months spent in Africa I left with much sadness.  Who knew that in such a short amount of time I would fall in love with the place.  Deep down I knew that Africa would be a special place but had no idea just how special it would be.  I can’t say for sure when I will be back but I certainly hope it’s sooner rather than later.  The people I met, the places I visited and the experiences I had will truly change me forever.  I will say that you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Africa, which is in my opinion the most diverse, beautiful, tough, and exquisite place on earth.  Where else in the world can you meet people who speak 4 or 5 different langues with such fluency?  Where else you can go and get a wave and a smile from every person that you drive past on the road?

For all it’s splendor there is certainly quite a bit of problems in Africa.  The AIDS epidemic and the racial seperation are things that may never quite change.  I met so many volunteers from all over the world who were spending time in Africa working with people to educate and to help with some of these issues.  I commend anyone who volunteers their time for such a worthy cause and place.  However I think that people in Africa are tired of being the world’s charity case.  The people have learned to live and cope with things on their terms and I think there is something to be said for that.  We who live in the western world and who don’t have to deal with some of the issues that they deal with can sit back very easily and point out what is wrong and what needs to be fixed.  I don’t want Africa to be like the western world.  I want if to continue to be the amazing place that it is.  I want the people to continue to hold on to their culture and language.  I want the people to continue to smile and be warm and welcoming.

I’m not quite sure how in only 2 months i felt such an amazing connection to Africa.  It was always such an exotic destination that seemed so far away and so distant.  When I left it felt so close, almost like home.  I’ve been to lots of places so far on my travels but non have affected me like Africa. I will miss it and I am counting the days til I return.

The Kingdom of Swaziland is a small country that is sandwiched between the eastern border of South Africa and the south and western border of Mozambique. Swaziland was formerly an English colony I believe and gained it’s independence in the 1960’s. It is ruled by a King and although due to it’s proximity to South Africa is quite different. Sadly, like alot of African countires, Swaziland has been hit hard by the HIV/AIDS epidemic. People view Swaziland as the perfect example of what happens to a country when the issue of HIV and AIDS is not addressed in anyway. More than 60% of the people in Swaziland are affected with HIV or AIDS, mindboggling! People in Swaziland have the mind set of, outta sight outta mind. Most fear how their life will change if they get tested and find out that they are positive. Some of the treatments are free but the costs in getting to the hospitals and clinics is sometimes too much for people. They feel that if they don’t know then essentially nothing is wrong. It is estimated that by the year 2010 the life expectancy in Swaziland will approximately be 27 years of age, yes, 27 years of age. I’m 27 right now and i tell you it’s extremely scary to think about that. There are so many orphans right now in Swaziland and the numbers will continue to grow. When I heard some of the information I just shared with you i was absolutely floored. How sad and disturbing is it that people live in such conditions and continue to smile and go about life as if there is nothing wrong. It always struck me that when I would be in the grocery store that probalby more than half of the people I was shopping with would probably be dead in a few years.

Aside from the bad stuff there is alot of good stuff in Swaziland. It really is a beautiful country and quite safe. Most of the people in Swaziland are descendants of the royal blood line and it’s more like a small community than a country. The King himself is only in his 30’s and has many wives along with many children. The consensus on the King is that people either love him or hate him. He spends rather freely without much regard to the affects it may have on his country.
I spent 4 nights in Swaziland and truly enjoyed it. I felt very safe and the people were great. On my first day I did a day tour of the area with some people at the guesthouse. We went and visited some of the markets and went to have lunch and swim at a waterfall. We saw some local dancing and storytelling and got a tour of a local village. One of the days I went to do a game drive in one of the many game parks in Swaziland. Got close and personal with a group of lions. One Lion in particular my guide informed me was from Kruger National Park in South Africa. As i sat in the front seat and viewed her as she looked like she was ready to pounce on the car my guide informed me that she had attacked a game vehicle while in Kruger and punctured it’s tire and waited for someone to exit the vehice, how comforting.

My last day in Swaziland was spent wandering about with a few people from the guesthouse. It’s quite easy to walk to the road and hitch a ride on a mini-bus and get to wherever you need to go for very cheap. We went into the capital city of Mbabane and had a look around and finished the day at one of the markets not too far from our guesthouse. I loved the woman at the markets as they were so friendly and welcoming. I loved to have a look around in their shops and have some small talk. They loved to hear about where I was from and were always eager to give me the best price on any of the items I inquired about.

My time in Swazliand was extremely enjoyable. What a great little country full of all kinds of surprises and great people. I wish I could have spent more time but my days in Africa were coming to an end and it was time to go back to Johannesburg to fly out to London.

So where was I…? Oh, right, I had just finished off in Coffee Bay. Let me continue with the rest of my journey up the coast. From Coffee Bay I headed about 100 Kilometers up the coast to another small town called Port St. Johns. In just a short amount of distance I traveled from the grassy slopes of coffee bay to the lush green semi-tropical forests that covered the hills in Port St. Johns. The guesthouse was situated on the side of a hill and gave a small birds eye view of the beach off in the distance. The gardens surrounding the guesthouse were filled with beautiful flowers and banana plants. The beach was probably about 10 minute walk. I only had two nights in Port St. Johns before I had to continue moving north. I did a nice hike on the first day with a guide from the guesthouse. We walked up through some of the hills into a small game reserve and down to another beach. The game reserve wasn’t very big and the animals that are there are not very visible except for a few monkeys climbing through the trees. We walked down to the beach before heading up and around the point and back to the guesthouse. Later that day I did another hike to a place called the Blow Hole. It’s quite a beautiful sight. We walked up the side of a hill that overlooked the bay. Then we had to traverse down the side of it towards the ocean. We were guided by a cable that was draped over the side and after climbing down that we climbed up a ladder and over to the point that overlooked the blowhole. The blowhole is created by a hole that is in the rocks that makeup the shoreline. When the waves come in they go under the hollowed out rocks and up through the blow hole creating a massive spray of water that shoots up about 20 feet in the air, it’s quite impressive.

Most of my time in Port St. Johns was spent reading and relaxing. It was quite fun going into town as the only way to get in and get back to the guesthouse was to hitchike. There is only one small road from the town to the coast and people have no problem stopping for anyone with their thumb out and taking them in either direction. I’ve never hitchhiked before but found it to be quite fun. You are always warned about how dangerous Africa can be but there is also a very friendly and trusting side to it as well, people do look after one another and being a visitor I felt this very much.

When my two days in Port St. Johns ended i headed north for a mandatory stay over in Durban. Durban is the 2nd largest city in South Africa behind Johannesburg. It is a huge coastal city and home to the largest indian population outside of India. Because South Africa was a major stop on the trade routes alot of people from India ended up settling there and eventually making it home. Durban essentially marks the spot where South Africa turns into a more tropical landscape. Tall coconut palms line the streets and the harbor front where ships line up all day long to come in and drop off their cargo. I would have liked to have stayed a day or two in Durban to explore but it is a big city and with big cities in Africa comes crime and the loss of the ability to do hitchiking and walking around like I could have done in some of the smaller cities I had already been in. The real africa is in the smaller cities and communities where people are warm and friendly and eager to say hello and help you. Although I literally only had about 10 hours in Durban, basically to sleep, it was quite eventful. As I had posted in a journal entry months ago the trials and tribulations of communal living can be quite difficult sometimes. Being in such close proximity to strangers is something you learn to accept and get used to but it’s not always something you enjoy. Sleeping a few feet away from strangers is just a way of life when you are backpacking and on this particular night I got a little more than I bargained for. When I arrived at the guesthouse in Durban I immediately dropped my things and hit the sack. I was exhausted and would have to be up early to head to my next destination, St. Lucia. A few hours into some deep and relaxing sleep i was awakened to the sound of some people talking outside the room and then eventually entering and turning the lights on. I didn’t think much of it and pretty much just tried to roll over and cover my head with my blankets until the noise subsided and I could resume my sleep in peace and quiet. Sadly enough as the following events unfolded that would never happen. I was sleeping on the bottom bunk of a bunkbed that was to the right of the door as you entered the room. There was also a set of bunkbeds to the left of the door, the bottom of which was occupied by an older gentlemen. Two people entered the room and took residence on the top bunk of the bunkbed against the wall that was straight ahead as you entered the room. I’m not going to get graphic or give you details as the only details I can really give is the sounds I heard as I was hiding under my blankets. Do people just have no shame anymore or class? In a community room people just don’t care about doing that in front of complete strangers. Are you kidding me? I was angered beyond belief. The funniest thing off all which did make me laugh a little at the time was that not to long after the couple started doing their thing did a korean guy walk into the room to go to sleep. Where did he choose to sleep you ask? Well right underneath them on the bottom bunk. He gave a quick look at the situation as he entered the room and reacted as if he didn’t care and then proceeded to change and put his Ipod on and go to sleep. Unbelievable. I was quietly laughing on the inside and hoping it would be over soon but apparently I stayed in the same guesthouse as Dirk Diggler. Not until the sun came up did things finnally end. I managed a few small protests as I ripped a couple of loud farts to no avail as I don’t think it really disturbed anyone but it made me feel a little better. I was really tired in the morning and not happy but I knew it would make a good story.

My next stop north of Durban would be St. Lucia. St. Luciais another small coastal town and one of the last on the coast before South Africa gives way to Mozambique. It has one small street that runs right through the middle of town and is lined with shops, restaurants and guesthouses. It is more commercialized than some of th previous coastal towns I had visited in South Africa but it’s mostly because it is the homebase for people visiting one of Africa’s best game parks, Hluhluwe Umfolozi. I can’t begin to explain how to pronounce that but it was voted as one of the best places in South Africa to view animals as it is home to the big 5. The park is also home to one of the biggest rhino populations as well. Along with the game park is the wetlands park that surrounds the town. There is a massive wetland area and river that flowed right along next to town and eventually out and into the ocean. The river is filled with Crocodiles, Hippos and some game that patrol the shoreline. When I arrived I was given the rundown of the area by the folks at the guesthouse and was told that I could only walk in certain areas at night, pretty much like you are told in any place in Africa. However being able to walk out at all is quite a bonus. When asked why I could only walk in certain areas as it looked like a pretty quiet little town I was told that Hippos come up from the river at night an walk into town to feed on some of the grass on the side of the road….oh, right, of course! It’s things like this in parts of Africa that I will never forget. People living in such close proximity to the animals and not even thinking twice about it sometimes. Hippos are quite dangerous and if you’ve had a few drinks at the bar you certainly don’t want to stumble into one on your way back to your guesthouse, well the hippos that live in the water of course. The wetlands area is also home to Elephants, Leopards and lots of other animals. Unlike the game park i previosly mentioned, Hluhluwe Umfolozie which is about 40 kilometers outside of town, the wetlands park is not fenced in which gives the animals freedom to roam wherever. I was told of Leopards occasionally come and visit town at night. I want to live in a place where leopards and hippos roam freely, how cool is that. I mean we had squirrels and racoons that roamed freely in the neighborhood I grew up in but for some reason it’s just not that exciting.
On my second nigt in St. Lucia I did a boat cruise up the river to see some of the Hippos. They are quite a sight to see. They pretty much sit in shallow parts in the river in groups of 10 to 15 all huddled around each other. Hippos, believe it or not, can’t swim. They walk on the bottom of the river to get where they need to go. Some can stay underwater for up to about 3 minutes or so and some even longer. During the day they sleep and are not active. It was sunset during the cruise and that’s when they start to awake. They start to grunt and groan and t sounds like a really loud burp when they making noises. It’s great to see them yawm and show their massive teeth. Hippos are vegetarian and don’t hunt so i’m not quite sure why they have such large teeth. They are only dangerous when they feel like they are threatened, pretty much like any animal. I learned that when a female is pregnant she will go and leave the group just before she has the baby. If the baby is a female she will return to the group right away. However if it is a male she will stay away from the group for 6 months up to a year until the male calf is bigger and can defend himself from the male that controls the group. The dominant male of the group views the new male as a threat and will try to kill him even though it may be his own offspring, quite interesting.

I really enjoyed St. Lucia. Sadly enough it was be my last stop in South Africa before departing from Johannesburg. My next stop would be the Kingdom of Swaziland.

I’ve been able to find a few of the blog entries that went missing.  It wasn’t easy work but I used my go-go gadget brain and tracked some of them down.  I posted a couple and I have more to post and I will hopefully have that done by the end of the day.  I’ll give you a quick update.  I’m leaving Africa tomorrow for London.  I’ll be staying with my friend Kevin up in Aberdeen for about 2 weeks or so for a little rest and relaxation.  I have alot of things that I want to update onto the blog and  if i don’t get that done today I will try to do it when I get to the U.K. sometime this weekend.  Thanks for being patiend and i’ll talk to you soon.

Brian

Let’s get caught up people…are you ready? Are you? Drum Roll Please…..!

So from Cape Town back on the 3rd of September I jumped on the bus and headed north. I bought an open ended bus ticket that pretty much takes you to anywhere along the coast from Cape Town all the way up back to Johannesburg. This particular bus is a little more expensive than the ones the locals use but it drops you off and picks you up right at your hostel which is pretty convenient. What i’m going to do is just break down each of the places I stayed at and give you some of the highlights.

Wilderness – About 5 hours outisde of Cape Town lies the sleepy coastal town of Wilderness. What a beautiful place. It’s full of strip malls with hair salon places that have really catchy names like, “A Cut Above,” and “The Cuttinge Edge.” It has no trees or animals for that matter either. I spent days walking across long parking lots and spent my sunsets playing skeeball at the arcade…Ok, i’ll get serious, no of that is actually true. Wilderness is a small town and really does live up to it’s name. It has some of the oldest forests in South Africa. The lush green hillsides gently roll down towards the water where a few small streets lined with houses lie in it’s path. My guesthouse was situated in a tiny bluff overlooking the ocean. In the morning I would wake up and take a quick look just beyond the crashing waves to see Humpback Whales playing. It was amazing. You could see them flapping their fins down into the water as they would rise up and blast out of their blowhole. The town itself had a few shops and restaurants and was very welcoming. I really felt like this was a place I could stay at for a while and with a name like Wilderness how could you not like it? I was also offered a job at the guesthouse that I stayed at but due to visa’s and the fact that I wanted to keep on traveling I declined

Jeffrey’s Bay – This was my next stop after Wilderness. Jeffrey’s Bay lies a few hours up the coast from Wilderness and is known as the surfing capital of South Africa if not all of Africa. They hold a major tournament every year here with the best surfers in the world. Jeffrey’s Bay was discovered back in the 60’s as having some fantastic surf breaks and has grown ever since. It has a huge Billabong shop filled with surf gear, boards, clothes etc…It’s alot like a coastal town in California with all the surf shops and nice beaches. However unlike California you can’t walk around at nite in J’Bay. Welcome to Africa. I stayed two days here in Jeffrey’s Bay and due to the fact I was a little sick didnt’ do much more than some reading and a few walks on the beach.

Port Elizabeth – Port Elizabeth is a mandatory stopover on my bus ticket. I decided to stay two full days to catch up on some sleep as I was still feeling ill. Port Elizabeth is also not the safest place in the world either. It’s very hard to accept sometimes that when you arrive in these cities in Africa that you are pretty much confined to your guesthouse. During the day is somtimes ok. I took a chance and took the bus into town and went to the shopping center to have a look around. I watched a movie and got a bite to eat. As I was waiting at the bus station for the ride back I sat there and noticed that just on the other side of the mall parking lot were buses going by on a regular basis full of people, and picking up even more. I made eye contact with a lady standing next to me as I was observing this and she asked me where I was going. I told her where and she proudly announced she was waiting for the same bus as me. I asked here about the other buses and why they were only going to that side of the lot and not over here.

“Those are the buses for the black folks.” She said with a bitter look on her face. I didn’t understand what she meant though.

“You see how they pile them on.” She said. “White people don’t live where they live so we don’t need those buses. They are especially for them.”

I asked her why white people didn’t live there and then she said with a surprised look on her face:

“Well…probably because we’d get murdered?”

I thought this was a rather strange statement but it got better.

“I swear it’s like reverse Racism nowadays. We have less rights then they do but we can’t complain.”

I honestly didn’t know how to react or what to say, she seemed very willing and eager to vent some frustration over the fact that they had more buses than the white folks and somehow that wasn’t fair. I stood there and smiled, it was a very awkward situation. It was almost as awkard as being in grade school and taking a pee at a urinal when a kid walks in and uses the urinal next to you but instead of pulling down his zipper he pulls down his whole pants just to use a freaking urinal. What do you say? What do you do?

The second day I did a tour out to Addo Elephant Park and a private game reserve. The Park was stunning. Elephants were everywhere and would come right up close to the truck. In the afternoon after viewing the elephants we went and had lunch and then did our game drive in the private game reserve. I was talking to my guide about some of the racial issues and problems that people encounter and once again got someone very willing to vent frustration over some of the problems. I mentioned to him that I went to Zimbabwe and that I couldn’t believe some of the problems they had up there. He chuckled and said:

“Oh Zimbabwe, you mean, Zero, Intelligence, Mostly, Black, All, Best, Whites, Emigrated.”

You do the spelling. I couldn’t believe it. He shared a story to me about his son being robbed.

“The guys took his wallet and his cell phone and then cut him just cause they could. They are animals.”

When I hear people say things like that it makes me a little sad. There is so much anger and bitterness here, on both sides, it’s quite hard to get a grip on it. To be quite honest when you are walking down the street at night and a group of black guys is walking towards you, your heart jumps into your throat, sadly enough. If it’s a group of white guys you wouldn’t even think about it. I have alot to say about all of this so I won’t go into any more detail now but I will address it more in another entry.

So at the private game reserve I saw some of the same animals as i’d seen before. Giraffes, Wildebeast, Impala’s, Zebras, etc… but we got up close and personal with a group of about 8 Lions. We drove for a few hours to find them but no luck. Then, finnally, another truck spotted them and called our driver to tell us where they were. We drove over and saw a beautiful female with 3 baby cubs bouncing along behind here without a care in the world. They were playing with each other as mom cautiously looked on as the two trucks closed in on them. Eventually she walked around the trucks and off into the night but by then we found two huge males that seemed quite curious. I was sitting in the front seat of the game truck and the male went behind a bush and emerged to be no more than a giant leap into the front seat to rip my head off. He sat there for a few minutes and stared right at me. It was such an unbelievable moment. I had the window open and he honestly could have jumped right in at me if he wanted.

Hogsback – I left the coast for a few days and headed inland to the mountains and the tiny town of Hogsback. Hogsback is meant to have been the inspiration for the author of the Lord of the Rings and the Hobit, and i certainly can see why. The hills are filled with majestic waterfalls cascading over huge walls of rock. It is really stunning. I spent most of my time doing the hikes and seeing these waterfalls and it was heaven. The forests are really dense and filled with trees that are hundreds of years old. There was this one guy in the town who would always try to sell me these horses that he made out of clay and decorated. He always made it a point to tell me how hungry he was and that I needed to buy one. To be quite honest I didn’t want one of his horses. One day he corned me on my way to the shop and said he wanted bread. I said, you know what, I’m gonna get him some bread. The guy lives on the street and is probably hungry as I didn’t see anyone buying his horses. I figured I could boost my Karma stockpile and feel good about buying someone a loaf of bread. So I purchased the bread and walked back to meet him where he was. I figured I would be showered with Thank You’s and God Bless You’s but instead I was showered with:

“Where’s the Milk my friend.? He said with a look of utter confusion.

WTF? “Aaaaaaaah…I’m not getting you any milk.”

“Some Milk my friend, how about some milk?”

He kept saying this as I held the bread just out of his reach. This guy looked at me and honestly didn’t understand why i didn’t get him milk as well. Why don’t you make me a freaking list and i’ll get you whatever you need? This guy had hardly any teeth and was honestly so stoned that he probably thought this wasn’t even happening, I wish I had been as well. Ultimatley I gave him the bread and walked away. I got a good laugh out of it but still can’t believe what happened.

Coffee Bay – After Hogsback I headed back to the coast and a place called Coffee Bay. Coffee Bay is an absolutely beautiful place. The guesthouse was situated right at the mouth of a tiny river that made it’s way from the hills down into the ocean. At the guesthouse on the weekends it’s tradition to have all the kids from the village stay at the guesthouse. Since I was new I was in charge of getting up at 5 in the morning and delivering all of their newspapers to the villagers. Then, being that it is Coffee Bay, i got to go back to the guesthouse and drink 50 Gallons of High Test Coffee to get all juiced up. Then I got go and swing the ceremonial village golf club in the back of the house, keeping in mind it’s still dark out at this point. Then as the sun creeped up over the horizon i got to go and yell at the kids and make them get up. I wasn’t able to trip over their shoes and throw them at them because the kids in the Village don’t have shoes but that would have really made it special. If I can get my dad down to Coffee Bay he will have a blast. Honestly though it was a really great few days. On our last night we did go into the village and we got to see some traditional dancing and have a traditional local meal. Then I thought, What would we do with Africans if they came to visit us in America? Would they want to go see how the locals lived? Would they want traditional food? That could make for a very interesting journaly entry. A sad part to the journey to Coffee Bay is that all some of the guys in the Village want to do is sell you drugs. Marijuana and Mushrooms grow everywhere so it’s easy for them to go pick some and sell it to you. One girl at the hostel said she was asked by a young kid if she wanted drugs, now that’s bad. It dawned on me how bad this really was. These people in the village have lived here for years in peace. They have no electricity or running water, they live simple yet happy lifes. The white folks come in and realize how beautiful this place really is and open up a few small guesthouses and hotels. They have electricty, they have running water, they have indoor plumbing, what about the villagers? Why can’t they get it as well? I don’t know but that disturbed me a little and perhaps didn’t bother anyone else.

I hope this is good enough for now. There is more to come soon.

I’m now in the City of Cape Town in South Africa. Cape Town has the look of the Bay Area in San Francisco with it’s beautiful waterfront and palm tree lined streets. Unfortunately it has the feel of the Gaza Strip. It is nestled right next to the coast and high above it rises table mountain. Walking around the streets I feel like i’m Jason Bourne in Bourne Supremacy III. However I think the title of this one would be Bourne A Loser. Honestly though, you have to watch everyone on the street. Anytime you walk by a bunch of people you get stared at and sometimes followed, it’s not the safest feeling. So instead of walking the streets anymore I booked a wine tour. I decided that I will give you a closer look into the daily life of Brian Gagnon by giving a more detailed and accurate account of the Wine Tasting Tour. The tour was to begin by our transport picking me and a few others up at our hostel at 8:45 on the morning of the 29th.

8:42 – Holy Crap!!! My freaking alarm clock didn’t go off. What the hell? Jumped out of bed threw some clothes on and rushed down stairs expecting everyone to be waiting for me.

9:00 – Wine Tour still hasn’t started, now i can go drop a pre wine tour deuce, that will make me feel extra special.

9:01 – Flush, Swirl, Goodbye!

9:11 – Wine Tour van has arrived, woo hoo! Let’s get rolling!

9:12 – Realized I didn’t wash my hands and had just shaken hands with everyone on the tour while I was introducing myself. Just kidding, i didnt’ introduce myself. No, seriously, I washed my hands.

9:15 – The Bus was very quiet, you could hear a pin drop or a fart, all i heard were pins dropping though, not sure what others may have heard, or felt. I suspect this was mostly because it was early in the morning and people were still tired. Everyone exchanged a few pleasant smiles and hello’s. I knew a few of the people on the tour but others I did not. Our Tour Guide Rob explained to us what we would be doing for the day and repeatedly asked if we were awake and listening. Thought to myself that this could be a dull group.

10:15 – Arrived at our first Vineyard. Rob explained to us some of the do’s and dont’s of wine tasting. First he told us our word for the day when we didn’t like something was, “Elegant.” Then instructed us to quietly dump it in the bucket with a smile on our face. He told us about the different types of wine we would be tasting as well as the proper way to taste. After pouring us a bottle of white he informd us that we were holding an international wine tasting glass. With the wine in the glass we slowly tipped the glass forward to see the color of the wine. This was a particularly young wine and it was very light. We then swirled the glass to oxygenize it, wow, that was a big word. We then swirled the wine and smelled. Perhaps a hint of peach, one shouted out oh so civilized. After we all smiled and had a brief laugh we tasted.

“Ooh, decidant.” I pronounced!

“Absolutely Lovely.” Said another

“My, how wonderful.” Whispered a few!

When tasting the wine it’s good to breathe in a little while the wine is in your mouth so as to get more oxygen into your mouth, it really does change the flavor.

10:45 – We tasted our 5th and final wine at this Vineyard and moved on. It took longer than Rob wanted as people were taking their time drinking the wine. It seemed like this could be a much longer day if the pace stayed like this.

11:02 – We arrived at our 2nd Vineyard of the day. This particular vineyard had won awards two years in a row for it’s wine making. It is particularly famous for making a brand of wine found only in South Africa called Pinotage. It’s a cross between a Pinot and a Hermitage. It is a very tasty wine. The group seemed to awaken a bit at this place. A few more laughs, a few more smiles. Perhaps the wine was getting to a few people. We all made the bold decision to buy two bottles of sparkly for the road after we finished the tasting. This would ultimately lead to the demise of the tour.

12:07 – We had a little bit of a drive before arriving at our 3rd winery. Good thing we had the sparkly as we polished off a bottle between the 11 of us. This one was a little bigger and more formal then the previous two. We were given a list of wines and were allowed to choose 6. Me and a few girls decided to go in together so we could all taste each other’s wine therefore getting to taste 18, genius! At this point the giggling and stupid jokes started to spring up. The stupid photos of us pretending to make professional faces as were tasting the wine also happened. Damnit, what the hell was this stuff doing to me? I’m losing my powers.

12:43 – After the wine we went to the other side of the counter to taste some cheese. There was some goat cheese as well as some regular ones. The goat cheeses were quite nice but one cheese in particular smelled and tasted like a soiled diaper. I’ve never tasted one, I swear but i can only imagine. This is where the etiquette for the wine tasting went down hill.

“Oh my god…what the hell is that? I mean, it’s freaking elegant, holy crap!”

My gag reflex was working extremely hard as this cheese seemed to stick to everything inside of my mouth. I was getting the urge to want to spit it out but fought it off. I had a smile on but you could read the expression on my face as I chewed what seemed like a never ending piece.

1:15 – We went and had lunch. I had a spinach and feta panini. It was really really tasty, better than the cheese. We had a glass of wine with our lunch as well. The conversation and the life of the group was taking off at this point. People were talking and when our guide tried to tell us things at lunch he couldn’t get anyone to shut up long enough to say what he wanted.

2:17 – Stopped at a shop to taste some chocolates. Mmmmmmmmm…chocolate! Brian Likey chocolate.

3:02 – We arrived at our final wine tasting stop of the day. At this point things had pretty much gotten out of hand. I went and sat in a nice fluffy armchair with my wine and decided to prop open a book and read up on some of the history of wine making. At this point i was pelted with a few pits from olives that people were tasting. What happened to the civilized people at the beginging of the tour? Where did they go? All the things we had learned at the beginning of the tour were out the window. People were not tipping their glass or swirling it around in their mouth. They were drinking it like it was a fraternity party or something. People were laughing really loud. For some reason even though people were standing right next to each other they were speaking like they were on opposite sides of the universe. I stayed in check and didn’t lose my cool I will have you know.

4:01 – We boarded the Van for the Journey back to Cape Town. At this point all hell broke lose. All I remember is someone sticking a champagne bottle in my face like it was a microphone as i lip-synced the words to Love Shack as it blared on the car stereo. I remember looking up as two girls, with their shirts off, were pressing their chests against the windows at passing cars. OK, that last sentence was not true but damn that would have been awesome. What happened to our wine tour? At this point I think I blacked out and drooled all over myself and the person next to me. I may have even urinated in my pants or spilled wine on them, i’m not quite sure.

4:30 – We arrived back at our hostel and I sprinted up to my room to avoid any embarassment about the stain on my pants from either the wine or my urine. I then developed a severe headache which i washed away with a few brewskies.

I hope you enjoyed the Tour!

In light of Brian’s MVP posting, let us review Brian’s Top 10 most
amazing athletic accomplishments.

10. A 9 year old Brian smashes his collarbone on a white birch tree as
he is sandwiched on a tackle while scrambling to his right in a front
yard nerf football game. He quickly jumped up and uttered what NFL
films later dubbed into Mike Singletary’s voice, “I LIKE that kind ‘a
party! I can do that ALL DAY baby!”

9. At age 13, Brian set a modern record for consecutive “tags” in
“Marco Polo” with 45.

8. At age 11, Brian chews an entire box of Bazooka Joe bubble gum AND
reads all of the comics during the 4th inning of a minor league baseball
game. While teammates watched in stunned awe, Brian muttered, “Get me
a coke and a hot dog you bitches.” He later singled in the inning.

7. By age 16, Brian sets a Dracut long distance record of 40 yards as
he punts the basketball over the garage and into the woods after losing
yet another last second game of “one-on-one” in the driveway. 40 yds.
broke his own record of 36, established 20 minutes prior, as he was
talked into playing “just one more game.”

6. A 12 year old Brian breaks his wrist on a fadeaway “Jordan Jammer”
3 pointer as Jeff hopelessly tackles him. They both watch as the soft
floater swished gently in the hoop, sealing the day’s victory for
Brian. With his broken wrist bent at an awkward and grotesque angle, he
turned to the imaginary crowd, put his finger to his lips and defiantly
silenced them.

5. During a tense battle of “Goal Line Stand” in the upstairs bedroom,
a 12 year old Brian leaps over the goal line pileup and pulverizes a 4
year old Tom into oblivion. Upon his courageous exit from the hospital
days later, Tom was heard to mutter, “Damn, that kid is like a mack
truck with a sleeping bag and pillow!”

4. Brian manages to tell both his soccer and basketball coaches to
“F*** Off” during his senior year of high school sports, thus becoming the
first athlete to accomplish this feat in back to back seasons. It was
later determined that they didn’t understand his communications due to
the fact that they were both mentally impaired escapees of the Dracut
Home for “Special” Citizens.

3. Brian breaks the Guiness Record for consecutive family “pantsings”
with 2,139 days, when he drops Tom’s shorts as Tom stands hopelessly in
front of the refrigerator. In a comment to the Dracut Dispatch after
breaking the record, Brian attributed his feat to “hard work, focus, a
commitment to excellence and a seemingly superhuman ability to sense
when someone’s pants were not tied in triple knots with a drawstring.”

2. At age 20, while on his back with legs suspended in mid air and
butt cheeks spread at perfect distance, and after weeks of preparation,
Brian rips his 43rd fart in 43 seconds, establishing a Ruthian benchmark
in the flatulence arena.

1. Brian seals the minor league baseball championship with an all out,
diving catch in center field, setting off a frenzied celebration as the
team mobs him outside the second base