Get Busy Livin or Get Busy Dyin!

Let’s get caught up people…are you ready? Are you? Drum Roll Please…..!

So from Cape Town back on the 3rd of September I jumped on the bus and headed north. I bought an open ended bus ticket that pretty much takes you to anywhere along the coast from Cape Town all the way up back to Johannesburg. This particular bus is a little more expensive than the ones the locals use but it drops you off and picks you up right at your hostel which is pretty convenient. What i’m going to do is just break down each of the places I stayed at and give you some of the highlights.

Wilderness – About 5 hours outisde of Cape Town lies the sleepy coastal town of Wilderness. What a beautiful place. It’s full of strip malls with hair salon places that have really catchy names like, “A Cut Above,” and “The Cuttinge Edge.” It has no trees or animals for that matter either. I spent days walking across long parking lots and spent my sunsets playing skeeball at the arcade…Ok, i’ll get serious, no of that is actually true. Wilderness is a small town and really does live up to it’s name. It has some of the oldest forests in South Africa. The lush green hillsides gently roll down towards the water where a few small streets lined with houses lie in it’s path. My guesthouse was situated in a tiny bluff overlooking the ocean. In the morning I would wake up and take a quick look just beyond the crashing waves to see Humpback Whales playing. It was amazing. You could see them flapping their fins down into the water as they would rise up and blast out of their blowhole. The town itself had a few shops and restaurants and was very welcoming. I really felt like this was a place I could stay at for a while and with a name like Wilderness how could you not like it? I was also offered a job at the guesthouse that I stayed at but due to visa’s and the fact that I wanted to keep on traveling I declined

Jeffrey’s Bay – This was my next stop after Wilderness. Jeffrey’s Bay lies a few hours up the coast from Wilderness and is known as the surfing capital of South Africa if not all of Africa. They hold a major tournament every year here with the best surfers in the world. Jeffrey’s Bay was discovered back in the 60’s as having some fantastic surf breaks and has grown ever since. It has a huge Billabong shop filled with surf gear, boards, clothes etc…It’s alot like a coastal town in California with all the surf shops and nice beaches. However unlike California you can’t walk around at nite in J’Bay. Welcome to Africa. I stayed two days here in Jeffrey’s Bay and due to the fact I was a little sick didnt’ do much more than some reading and a few walks on the beach.

Port Elizabeth – Port Elizabeth is a mandatory stopover on my bus ticket. I decided to stay two full days to catch up on some sleep as I was still feeling ill. Port Elizabeth is also not the safest place in the world either. It’s very hard to accept sometimes that when you arrive in these cities in Africa that you are pretty much confined to your guesthouse. During the day is somtimes ok. I took a chance and took the bus into town and went to the shopping center to have a look around. I watched a movie and got a bite to eat. As I was waiting at the bus station for the ride back I sat there and noticed that just on the other side of the mall parking lot were buses going by on a regular basis full of people, and picking up even more. I made eye contact with a lady standing next to me as I was observing this and she asked me where I was going. I told her where and she proudly announced she was waiting for the same bus as me. I asked here about the other buses and why they were only going to that side of the lot and not over here.

“Those are the buses for the black folks.” She said with a bitter look on her face. I didn’t understand what she meant though.

“You see how they pile them on.” She said. “White people don’t live where they live so we don’t need those buses. They are especially for them.”

I asked her why white people didn’t live there and then she said with a surprised look on her face:

“Well…probably because we’d get murdered?”

I thought this was a rather strange statement but it got better.

“I swear it’s like reverse Racism nowadays. We have less rights then they do but we can’t complain.”

I honestly didn’t know how to react or what to say, she seemed very willing and eager to vent some frustration over the fact that they had more buses than the white folks and somehow that wasn’t fair. I stood there and smiled, it was a very awkward situation. It was almost as awkard as being in grade school and taking a pee at a urinal when a kid walks in and uses the urinal next to you but instead of pulling down his zipper he pulls down his whole pants just to use a freaking urinal. What do you say? What do you do?

The second day I did a tour out to Addo Elephant Park and a private game reserve. The Park was stunning. Elephants were everywhere and would come right up close to the truck. In the afternoon after viewing the elephants we went and had lunch and then did our game drive in the private game reserve. I was talking to my guide about some of the racial issues and problems that people encounter and once again got someone very willing to vent frustration over some of the problems. I mentioned to him that I went to Zimbabwe and that I couldn’t believe some of the problems they had up there. He chuckled and said:

“Oh Zimbabwe, you mean, Zero, Intelligence, Mostly, Black, All, Best, Whites, Emigrated.”

You do the spelling. I couldn’t believe it. He shared a story to me about his son being robbed.

“The guys took his wallet and his cell phone and then cut him just cause they could. They are animals.”

When I hear people say things like that it makes me a little sad. There is so much anger and bitterness here, on both sides, it’s quite hard to get a grip on it. To be quite honest when you are walking down the street at night and a group of black guys is walking towards you, your heart jumps into your throat, sadly enough. If it’s a group of white guys you wouldn’t even think about it. I have alot to say about all of this so I won’t go into any more detail now but I will address it more in another entry.

So at the private game reserve I saw some of the same animals as i’d seen before. Giraffes, Wildebeast, Impala’s, Zebras, etc… but we got up close and personal with a group of about 8 Lions. We drove for a few hours to find them but no luck. Then, finnally, another truck spotted them and called our driver to tell us where they were. We drove over and saw a beautiful female with 3 baby cubs bouncing along behind here without a care in the world. They were playing with each other as mom cautiously looked on as the two trucks closed in on them. Eventually she walked around the trucks and off into the night but by then we found two huge males that seemed quite curious. I was sitting in the front seat of the game truck and the male went behind a bush and emerged to be no more than a giant leap into the front seat to rip my head off. He sat there for a few minutes and stared right at me. It was such an unbelievable moment. I had the window open and he honestly could have jumped right in at me if he wanted.

Hogsback – I left the coast for a few days and headed inland to the mountains and the tiny town of Hogsback. Hogsback is meant to have been the inspiration for the author of the Lord of the Rings and the Hobit, and i certainly can see why. The hills are filled with majestic waterfalls cascading over huge walls of rock. It is really stunning. I spent most of my time doing the hikes and seeing these waterfalls and it was heaven. The forests are really dense and filled with trees that are hundreds of years old. There was this one guy in the town who would always try to sell me these horses that he made out of clay and decorated. He always made it a point to tell me how hungry he was and that I needed to buy one. To be quite honest I didn’t want one of his horses. One day he corned me on my way to the shop and said he wanted bread. I said, you know what, I’m gonna get him some bread. The guy lives on the street and is probably hungry as I didn’t see anyone buying his horses. I figured I could boost my Karma stockpile and feel good about buying someone a loaf of bread. So I purchased the bread and walked back to meet him where he was. I figured I would be showered with Thank You’s and God Bless You’s but instead I was showered with:

“Where’s the Milk my friend.? He said with a look of utter confusion.

WTF? “Aaaaaaaah…I’m not getting you any milk.”

“Some Milk my friend, how about some milk?”

He kept saying this as I held the bread just out of his reach. This guy looked at me and honestly didn’t understand why i didn’t get him milk as well. Why don’t you make me a freaking list and i’ll get you whatever you need? This guy had hardly any teeth and was honestly so stoned that he probably thought this wasn’t even happening, I wish I had been as well. Ultimatley I gave him the bread and walked away. I got a good laugh out of it but still can’t believe what happened.

Coffee Bay – After Hogsback I headed back to the coast and a place called Coffee Bay. Coffee Bay is an absolutely beautiful place. The guesthouse was situated right at the mouth of a tiny river that made it’s way from the hills down into the ocean. At the guesthouse on the weekends it’s tradition to have all the kids from the village stay at the guesthouse. Since I was new I was in charge of getting up at 5 in the morning and delivering all of their newspapers to the villagers. Then, being that it is Coffee Bay, i got to go back to the guesthouse and drink 50 Gallons of High Test Coffee to get all juiced up. Then I got go and swing the ceremonial village golf club in the back of the house, keeping in mind it’s still dark out at this point. Then as the sun creeped up over the horizon i got to go and yell at the kids and make them get up. I wasn’t able to trip over their shoes and throw them at them because the kids in the Village don’t have shoes but that would have really made it special. If I can get my dad down to Coffee Bay he will have a blast. Honestly though it was a really great few days. On our last night we did go into the village and we got to see some traditional dancing and have a traditional local meal. Then I thought, What would we do with Africans if they came to visit us in America? Would they want to go see how the locals lived? Would they want traditional food? That could make for a very interesting journaly entry. A sad part to the journey to Coffee Bay is that all some of the guys in the Village want to do is sell you drugs. Marijuana and Mushrooms grow everywhere so it’s easy for them to go pick some and sell it to you. One girl at the hostel said she was asked by a young kid if she wanted drugs, now that’s bad. It dawned on me how bad this really was. These people in the village have lived here for years in peace. They have no electricity or running water, they live simple yet happy lifes. The white folks come in and realize how beautiful this place really is and open up a few small guesthouses and hotels. They have electricty, they have running water, they have indoor plumbing, what about the villagers? Why can’t they get it as well? I don’t know but that disturbed me a little and perhaps didn’t bother anyone else.

I hope this is good enough for now. There is more to come soon.

I’m now in the City of Cape Town in South Africa. Cape Town has the look of the Bay Area in San Francisco with it’s beautiful waterfront and palm tree lined streets. Unfortunately it has the feel of the Gaza Strip. It is nestled right next to the coast and high above it rises table mountain. Walking around the streets I feel like i’m Jason Bourne in Bourne Supremacy III. However I think the title of this one would be Bourne A Loser. Honestly though, you have to watch everyone on the street. Anytime you walk by a bunch of people you get stared at and sometimes followed, it’s not the safest feeling. So instead of walking the streets anymore I booked a wine tour. I decided that I will give you a closer look into the daily life of Brian Gagnon by giving a more detailed and accurate account of the Wine Tasting Tour. The tour was to begin by our transport picking me and a few others up at our hostel at 8:45 on the morning of the 29th.

8:42 – Holy Crap!!! My freaking alarm clock didn’t go off. What the hell? Jumped out of bed threw some clothes on and rushed down stairs expecting everyone to be waiting for me.

9:00 – Wine Tour still hasn’t started, now i can go drop a pre wine tour deuce, that will make me feel extra special.

9:01 – Flush, Swirl, Goodbye!

9:11 – Wine Tour van has arrived, woo hoo! Let’s get rolling!

9:12 – Realized I didn’t wash my hands and had just shaken hands with everyone on the tour while I was introducing myself. Just kidding, i didnt’ introduce myself. No, seriously, I washed my hands.

9:15 – The Bus was very quiet, you could hear a pin drop or a fart, all i heard were pins dropping though, not sure what others may have heard, or felt. I suspect this was mostly because it was early in the morning and people were still tired. Everyone exchanged a few pleasant smiles and hello’s. I knew a few of the people on the tour but others I did not. Our Tour Guide Rob explained to us what we would be doing for the day and repeatedly asked if we were awake and listening. Thought to myself that this could be a dull group.

10:15 – Arrived at our first Vineyard. Rob explained to us some of the do’s and dont’s of wine tasting. First he told us our word for the day when we didn’t like something was, “Elegant.” Then instructed us to quietly dump it in the bucket with a smile on our face. He told us about the different types of wine we would be tasting as well as the proper way to taste. After pouring us a bottle of white he informd us that we were holding an international wine tasting glass. With the wine in the glass we slowly tipped the glass forward to see the color of the wine. This was a particularly young wine and it was very light. We then swirled the glass to oxygenize it, wow, that was a big word. We then swirled the wine and smelled. Perhaps a hint of peach, one shouted out oh so civilized. After we all smiled and had a brief laugh we tasted.

“Ooh, decidant.” I pronounced!

“Absolutely Lovely.” Said another

“My, how wonderful.” Whispered a few!

When tasting the wine it’s good to breathe in a little while the wine is in your mouth so as to get more oxygen into your mouth, it really does change the flavor.

10:45 – We tasted our 5th and final wine at this Vineyard and moved on. It took longer than Rob wanted as people were taking their time drinking the wine. It seemed like this could be a much longer day if the pace stayed like this.

11:02 – We arrived at our 2nd Vineyard of the day. This particular vineyard had won awards two years in a row for it’s wine making. It is particularly famous for making a brand of wine found only in South Africa called Pinotage. It’s a cross between a Pinot and a Hermitage. It is a very tasty wine. The group seemed to awaken a bit at this place. A few more laughs, a few more smiles. Perhaps the wine was getting to a few people. We all made the bold decision to buy two bottles of sparkly for the road after we finished the tasting. This would ultimately lead to the demise of the tour.

12:07 – We had a little bit of a drive before arriving at our 3rd winery. Good thing we had the sparkly as we polished off a bottle between the 11 of us. This one was a little bigger and more formal then the previous two. We were given a list of wines and were allowed to choose 6. Me and a few girls decided to go in together so we could all taste each other’s wine therefore getting to taste 18, genius! At this point the giggling and stupid jokes started to spring up. The stupid photos of us pretending to make professional faces as were tasting the wine also happened. Damnit, what the hell was this stuff doing to me? I’m losing my powers.

12:43 – After the wine we went to the other side of the counter to taste some cheese. There was some goat cheese as well as some regular ones. The goat cheeses were quite nice but one cheese in particular smelled and tasted like a soiled diaper. I’ve never tasted one, I swear but i can only imagine. This is where the etiquette for the wine tasting went down hill.

“Oh my god…what the hell is that? I mean, it’s freaking elegant, holy crap!”

My gag reflex was working extremely hard as this cheese seemed to stick to everything inside of my mouth. I was getting the urge to want to spit it out but fought it off. I had a smile on but you could read the expression on my face as I chewed what seemed like a never ending piece.

1:15 – We went and had lunch. I had a spinach and feta panini. It was really really tasty, better than the cheese. We had a glass of wine with our lunch as well. The conversation and the life of the group was taking off at this point. People were talking and when our guide tried to tell us things at lunch he couldn’t get anyone to shut up long enough to say what he wanted.

2:17 – Stopped at a shop to taste some chocolates. Mmmmmmmmm…chocolate! Brian Likey chocolate.

3:02 – We arrived at our final wine tasting stop of the day. At this point things had pretty much gotten out of hand. I went and sat in a nice fluffy armchair with my wine and decided to prop open a book and read up on some of the history of wine making. At this point i was pelted with a few pits from olives that people were tasting. What happened to the civilized people at the beginging of the tour? Where did they go? All the things we had learned at the beginning of the tour were out the window. People were not tipping their glass or swirling it around in their mouth. They were drinking it like it was a fraternity party or something. People were laughing really loud. For some reason even though people were standing right next to each other they were speaking like they were on opposite sides of the universe. I stayed in check and didn’t lose my cool I will have you know.

4:01 – We boarded the Van for the Journey back to Cape Town. At this point all hell broke lose. All I remember is someone sticking a champagne bottle in my face like it was a microphone as i lip-synced the words to Love Shack as it blared on the car stereo. I remember looking up as two girls, with their shirts off, were pressing their chests against the windows at passing cars. OK, that last sentence was not true but damn that would have been awesome. What happened to our wine tour? At this point I think I blacked out and drooled all over myself and the person next to me. I may have even urinated in my pants or spilled wine on them, i’m not quite sure.

4:30 – We arrived back at our hostel and I sprinted up to my room to avoid any embarassment about the stain on my pants from either the wine or my urine. I then developed a severe headache which i washed away with a few brewskies.

I hope you enjoyed the Tour!