winding down
stolen from christy’s myspace page, originally posted on march 2, 2008:
back in bangkok and i’m missing the country life, but i suppose it’s a good transition. after spending so much time in quaint villages, i feel a little overwhelmed by bangkok.it’s so much city… but i realize that this is a good way to end the trip and get me ready to head back home. and also, get me another massage while i’m here too! š
i can feel my high winding down a bit, like any good high, buzz, crush, infatuation, fire, etc. eventually does. it’s the natural course of life, and it allows time for the build up again. but it is sad to see it start to dwindle.
there’s a part of me that feels like a 6 year old and i want to kick and scream and plead not to go home… not yet! vacation travelling is so much fun. it’s a complete break away from the real world and i love living in such a carefree, adventurous, spontaneous, go-with-the-flow kind of way.
and then there’s the almost 29 part of me that feels ready to come back. iĀ do have a life back home that i’m really satisfied with. that i’m looking forward to returning to. as for thailand…i’ve come, i’ve seen, i’ve eaten, explored, played and had the time of my life. i’ve gotten out of this trip everything i wanted and more. it’s time to go back now.
it’s funny how i can be 6 and 28-going-on-29 at the exact same time. maybe that’s once again the pisces in me… everything is always a push and pull… two fish swimming in opposite directions…
what will it be like when i return?? the same… except i’ll now have all of thailand in my heart and on some level that changes me. makes me different from before i left. whether i’ll hold on to these changes, notice them, or what not, i really don’t know.
before i left, haane predicted that this would be a soul searching kind of a trip for me and i really think it has been… of course that could just be the me needing meaning in everything factor… the needing to feel connected to the world, to feel like things are happening and i am changing and continuing to grow… i’m on this continuous search to find my butterfly wings and become more and more connected to who i really am when fear, insecurity and doubt dissapear. this trip (whether imagined or real) feels like it has brought me one step closer. cheers to that!
of course i realize that like anything in life, there is no one-stop answer, no simpleĀ cure. and that most things are like my piscean nature. two different directions, realities, at the exact same time.
things will be different and then they will be the same. and then different again. life will be grand and then it will get drab and then grand again.. etc, etc.
i am brand new. i am not brand new.
thailand has changed me. thailand has not changed me
things are different now. but really they’re also the same too.
tomorrow we head home. what fun we’ve had. how lucky i feel.
as for my guessing game… i had 115 bites that jess counted up. (sean you win!)
see you all soon. lots of love, christy
ps- some pics that malia has posted: http://flickr.com/photos/maliayoshioka/Ā
Tags: christy
malia
Leave a Reply