Happy New Year. I´ll get to the good story in a minute. My celebration started out like any other New Year´s Eve...drinking beer and watching National Lampoon´s Christmas Vacation. After that, a few of my friends and I went to someone´s house for dinner and hung out there until midnight. In Spain, it´s tradition to eat 12 grapes at midnight. We had our grapes and then went out on the town.

This is where it begins to get dicey. Stop me if you have heard this one before...

Man goes to bar. Man meets girl. Man kisses girl. Man leaves with girl. Girl tells man she is an escort (and it wasn´t her night off).

That´s pretty much how it went down. For a while, I just thought I was really smooth. I kept thinking to myself, "it´s about damn time women started finding me irrestible. What the fuck took so long?" After flirting for a while and a little bit of kissing, the bar closed (6am) and my friends and I had to leave. I went to leave with them and she asked me to go with her. I complied with her polite request but mom, rest assured, I promise I had no intention of having casual sex with this woman.

Much to my dismay, I found out on the way to her house that she was um..an escort and um...working. I asked her what I could get for the 7 euros in my pocket...she didn´t find that funny. I, on the other hand, thought it was hysterical. After that, it kind of went downhill from there. I thanked her for wasting my time and crawled into my own bed alone around 7am this morning. Thankfully, at least her house was on the way to my house and I didn´t go out of my way.

Oh, and I lost (possibly stolen out of my jacket) my cell phone. If you call, ask the bastard who has it where he is. Also ask them for the phone number for Alexis. I need that one. And before you ask, no that isn´t the name of the escort. I have no idea what her name was.