Here is a story about bathroom humor, literally bathroom humor, so if you are so inclined to, stop reading now. It´s slightly embarrasing for me, but who gives a shit (one might even say a pun on words).

Last night I was going to the bathroom. I dropped my book while on the toilet and as I lean forward to pick it up, I feel water hitting my head. As I think "what the fuck", I turn and see water streaming out of a broken pipe coming from the wall. Because the pipe was completely rusted, it just snapped. Water is everywhere. And, like a dam just broke, showed no signs of stopping. Thankfully, I wasn´t alone and called for my roommate.

Me -
"John, get in here quick. I need to show you something."

Him -
"What the hell do you want to show me in the bathroom?"

Me -
"Just get in here."

At this point, the water is approaching the top of my feet and starting to seep out of the bathroom, heading towards both our bedrooms. Not good. He sees it and starts moving. I´m getting buckets, he´s looking for a way to turn off the water.

Now, our landlord Juan is a real nice guy, but he talks way too much. Everytime he comes to collect rent, he talks forever like we´re his best buddies. Truthfully, I think he just gets sick of his wife or something. But, I brief you on this because it led to this conversation.

John -
"Knowing how to turn off the water is something everyone should know about the house they live in."

Me -
"I agree, but that´s probably one of the things Juan is always babbling about when we are in a rush to get rid of him (he once gave me a 20 minute tutorial about turning the power off in the apartment before changing a lightbulb...in spanish, thrilling).

John -
"Fuck, you´re probably right."

Over the course of the next 30 minutes or so we took turns bailing water, mopping it up and making phone calls to our other roommate and the landlord. John got stuck talking to Juan the landlord on the phone for like 15 minutes. I can´t imagine the conversation...lots of bathroom vocabulary to remember and I´m pretty sure John didn´t know it to begin with. We eventually found the shut off. Then, it took another 20-30 minutes to mop up all the water and I am still amazed that no tenants from below us (we live on the top floor) complained about water leaking into their house. After cleaning up, John and I had a good laugh about everything.

Me -
"I´m just going throw all these wet towels and sheets in the wash and run it, you want me to throw any of your stuff in there too?"

John -
"It´s hard to do laundry without water."

Me -
"Fuck."

We were talking about the morning 10 minutes later...

John -
"Do you have a towel to use in the morning?"

Me - (after walking into my room and checking in my closet)
"Yes...but fuck, we´re morons. We aren´t going to have any water."

Amazingly, this is not the first time this has happened to me. At one point, in an old house of mine in College Park, we had a problem with one of the toilets. Sometimes you would have to take the top of the toilet tank off of it to flush it manually. Well, one time I was doing so to flush the toilet before I jumped in the shower (I was even wearing a towel -- sorry ladies, no pictures of that one) and I dropped the top of the toilet tank directly through the toilet tank. Water everywhere then too. Luckily, I was able to turn off the water much quicker then.

Moral of the stories? Next time I ask to use your bathroom you better get a security deposit.

FYI - There is a post about the Real Madrid match below this one.