I went to my first Real Madrid match ever this weekend. For those of you that don´t know anything about football, Real Madrid is like the New York Yankees of the sport. Ironically, more so now than ever. They, like the Yankees, simply have resorted to buying players. They bought Zinadine Zidane for like 60 million euros, David Beckham for around 30 million euros and the list goes on. These fees paid to buy players are in addition to the player´s actual salary. I know, seems like quite a bargain.

But, this season, more than others, Real Madrid and the Yankees resemble each other. Both SUCK and are underacheivers. For those of you in the states, I doubt I need to provide info about the Yankees. My sources tell me that Steinbrenner has resorted to making some players do menial tasks for him to actually earn some of their fat salary, including making Alex Rodriguez babysit his grandchildren every weekend and forcing Bernie Williams cook him breakfast every morning (for the record, Big Stein eats 3 hard-boiled eggs, 17 slices of bacon, a big bran muffin, and some grapefruit juice every morning). And you don´t even want to know what Posada has to do...

Real Madrid, is very similar. They started buying players who were old and past their prime, but big names. Now, the team is saddled with lots of high priced players who aren´t that good. Just last week, the top 10 salaries for all football players in the world was released...Real Madrid has 5 of the top 10 players on that list including Beckham, Ronaldo, Zidane, Figo and Raúl (homegrown Spanish boy who sucks c*@k). 5 of the highest paid players in the world and they can´t win the Spanish league, but, on to the game...

First off, there are loads of differences watching a sporting event here. We entered the stadium and the realization hit me -- I didn´t receive the free anal cavity search they give out at Yankee stadium that I had been looking forward to. After concealing my disappointment well, I noticed some other significant differences. No pat-downs, no checking bags, they didn´t even take my gun from me. Seriously, you could have walked into the stadium with dynamite strapped to your chest (a la Homer Simpson) and the usher would have showed you to your seat and asked if you needed a light.

So, we proceeded to our seats. Like 15 people smoking...cigars. Apparently, that´s cool. Then, people pulled out their picnic lunches. Sandwiches, snacks, and I´m pretty sure I saw someone with a salad and coffee (a machine, not just a cup). In the US you are arrested by the concessions police and sent to stadium jail for attempting to sneak "outside food and drink" into the stadium.

And I´m not sure why they all sneak it in...the food was reasonably priced. Not Wal-Mart cheap (but then again, Real Madrid isn´t one of the best examples of Pure Evil in the world), but cheap nonetheless. Beers were 2€´s. Little sandwiches about 2.50€. Going to get a round of beers for the three of us and only paying 6€´s put me into shock. I was used to paying that for one at a sporting event back home.

As for the actual match, Real Madrid crushed Santander (one of the worst teams in ´La Liga´) 5-0. Michael Owen scored the first and only real important goal about 10 minutes into the match and it was all downhill from there for Santander. Owen drew a penalty shot next and Ronaldo finished it. Ronaldo later scored another and Raúl added two more meaningless goals to close out the scoring. As of today, Real Madrid sits 6 points behind Barcelona for the Spanish league title with only 2 games left.

So to conclude, it´s not looking good for Real Madrid...and oh yeah, boycott Wal-Mart.