Back in the United States. It's a little weird. The night before I left it all hit me. I was sad to be leaving Madrid, the lifestyle and the people I met there. Part of that sadness was also probably due to the fact that I knew I was doomed to some time at my parents house in the suburbs while I decide what to do next. For those of you who haven't lived in the suburbs without a car, I don't recommend it. As of now, I'm still waiting for opportunities to present themselves. Check back next weekend, another casino money-making plan is in the works.

I flew into New York and when I got off the plane, I asked about the weather. I began in Spanish. Since then, there have been multiple times when I walked into convenience stores and started to say "Hola." Then I realized that A) it's not Spain anymore and B) the majority of people in stores in the US don't even seem to greet each other anymore. Some do, some don't. But it was second nature there. The first thing you hear everywhere is "hola". Bars, restaurants, Chinese convenience stores, etc... and I have decided to continue doing the same here. Maybe after the 20th time I receive the casual head tilt up and a barely recognizable glance in my direction from the store clerk my plans will change, but until then...holla.

Another change I am getting used to is the language. And it's not just Spanish to English. It's English (dirty British) to American. I catch myself almost saying some British terms like "proper job", "mate", "keen" and "fancy". I used one of these phrases the other day and instead of an answer, the only thing I received was a look of bewilderment. After a year and a half of hanging out with Brits and teaching English out of their silly books I have begun to use some of their more common and colloquial phrases. If I start talking about traffic on the dual carriageway, someone please smack me!

It was about 75-80 degrees and sunny the day I left Madrid. Lots of outdoor cafes were open. The streets were filled. Since I have been home, I woke up twice with a dusting of snow on the ground. Summer can't get here soon enough.

Employment -
If you know of any well-paid jobs available in the New York / New Jersey area for a strikingly handsome guy with off-the-charts intelligence and a God complex, please let me know. I'm available immediately and would prefer a job that provides a car since my car is non-existent. Ideally, it will be management position with good hours, great benefits and lots of vacation time.

Reasons I am Happy to Be Back -
* Seeing friends and family
* Good pizza
* Better access to books in English
* Can start searching for my next destination
* Closer to the beach
* Season 2 of LOST

Reasons I'm NOT -
* Back in Bush country
* The possibility of re-entering the rat race
* Lack of transportation
* NYC vs. Madrid (price of beer, wine and everything else)
* Cloudless, sunny skies until 10pm in Madrid (late spring and summer)
* Lots more commercials (about 50%)

I´ve been to all the major Spanish Fiestas now. I´m not sure which one was the most fun, but I think it is safe to say that "Las Fallas" was the most insane.

The fiesta (some pics and info) started in the 18th century and has now evolved into an arsonist´s wet dream. Throughout the city streets are the Fallas. In total, one lady told me there were about 600. The last night of the fiesta (March 19th) they are set on fire. First the infantil , then the big ones. They range from the tiny (a few feet high) to the largest (50 feet or so). But, this description doesn´t do it justice. These people spend enormous amounts of money on these things and the art work is amazing. Bush and Bin Laden together again, John Lennon and an apparent montage to pirates were just some of the themes from this year´s Las Fallas. Usually, each neighborhood or street creates a Falla. Then, they just burn them. It´s awesome!

The week leading up to the final night is just an enormous street party. Vendors selling food and drinks every. The streets thronged with people. A body count lining the floors of the bus station (more on that later). And the fireworks and firecrackers...did I mention that? My parents wouldn´t let me near fireworks when I was younger, even on the Fourth of July when everyone had them. In most countries parents teach their children not to play with fire. Matches, bad! Lighters, bad! Not exactly the case in Valencia, Spain...

Basically, from the moment you arrive until the moment you leave, plan on hearing a firecracker (think Cherry Bomb) exploding every 45 seconds or so within about 10 meters of you. And also be on the look-out for fireworks and bottle rockets being launched from within the crowd. But, it´s not just the derelicts and the teen-agers running around with these mini-bombs. EVERYONE has them. People runing through the streets tossing them into garbage-filled dumpsters. Down the alleys. Into the plazas and streets. EVERYWHERE.

We (Dave and I) were sitting at a cafe on Sunday watching a family next to us. The kids were about 7 and 5 years old. The boy is lighting one about 4 inches from his kid sister´s hair. They are lighting these babies up on crowded, narrow, European streets and just tossing them around carelessly. It was absolutely hysterical and terrifying at the same time. One landed a few feet from some poor old man and when it exploded he nearly filled his depends. The mom looked up from her paper, chuckled to herself and then continued on reading. Dad just milked his drink. NOTHING to be said. It´s like all the families that just condone the random beatings given to freshmen in Dazed and Confused. Except for the fact that was a movie, this is real and seemingly much, much more dangerous. People were just running around everywhere and tossing these things. Most of the time there were just trying to startle people that weren´t paying attention. And, maybe since this is a tradition these people have grown up with, they are more careful about it and it just appeared dangerous to my untrained eye...but I doubt it.

And it´s a sight to see when these people actually burn these things. There is an area that is blocked off by barricades surrounding it. Then the families meet inside the barricades and ignite it. Talk about a blaze of glory. Fireworks launched into the sky. Gasoline literally being thrown on fires. Smoke everywhere, then these towering monstrosities catch fire. We were sitting about 30 feet away when it went up. What happened next made me feel like I was out of mind. THEY REMOVED THE BARRIERS. Here I was, drunk, watching a 25 foot inferno of flames and ash burn in the middle of a plaza filled with thousands of people (some throwing gas on a fire), most of them also in possession of fireworks, and people were removing the only barricades. Ash is going everywhere. You could feel the heat on your face and some genius was moving the barricade. And I kept thinking, "Now this is the way to celebrate...what else can we burn? How about that schol there? Where is the town hall again?"

We had no place to sleep on Saturday night. We checked out of hotel around 1pm on Saturday and couldn´t get back in until the same time on Sunday. Park was closed to camping. Beach was too far away. No problem we thought. We´ll just stay out all night, then find a bench for an hour or two if we need to. Well, let´s just say that we didn´t make it that far. From about 1pm until 5am or so we were out and about and when it came time to crash we headed to the bus station (where our bags were locked) to look for a bench or something. Bodies as far as the eye could see. People everywhere. Benches, hard tile floors, chairs and on the cement outside. So, I have now slept on the floor of a bus station and lived to talk about it. That´s the positive. The negative is that I actually smelled like I slept (wet...it rained a bit that night) on a bus station floor the next day when I went to check into the hotel. Caught a wiff of myself and threw up a little bit in my mouth the next morning.

The traffic on Monday turned a 3.5 hour bus ride into nearly 7 hours capping a long and insane weekend. Pictures to follow...eventually.

I dreamt of 250 pound black women undulating like only those from the tropics can. I pictured lots of people clad in colorful and ornate costumes. Lots of grinding and explicit dancing. Performances. Parades. All in all, a spectacle to be seen.

Expectations can be a bitch some times, leaving you in a situation with nowhere to go but down. Often, it is impossible for a trip or an event to meet your expectations. From now on, I am going to limit my expectations of a possible destination or event because it only serves to cloud your view. I had a great time at Carnival, but it was completely (well, maybe not completely) different from what I expected.

Carnival in Cadiz contained very few of these full body costumes, even less undulating (though I´m pretty sure Ben tried), but fortunately for us, we were able to work quite well with the hand we were dealt.

Two specific moments in Cadiz were the most memorable and both involve the same friend (name withheld for confidentiality reasons). In my capacity as translator to these visiting monkeys, I was constantly being asked "How do you say...?" As you can imagine, some of these phrases were not always something I could tell them or would want them to say. You would be amazed by how often two men in their mid-twenties were giggling like schoolgirls because they heard or said a "dirty" word in another language...or because ordering a small beer (caña) sounds suspiciously like a word for the female sex organ in Spanish (to them at least).

At one point, said friend X, was interested in telling a Spanish (though he claims she was Russian) woman that "he spoke with his eyes". Needless to say, something was lost in the transfer (literally and figuratively) because it came out "I speak with my blues". While I eavesdropping I was doubled over in laughter. I think I had a seisure in the middle of the club, but, thankfully I didn´t bite my tongue. I hate when that happens.

The second moment involves the same friend. He disappeared at the end of one night. He had been talking to one Spanish woman for a long time. With the combination of broken English from her and about 15 words of Spanish for him they were really defying the odds from the conversation gods. The woman, coincidentally, initiated conversation with us (3 foreigners) in an Irish Pub around 3.30am. Immediately, this reminded me of New Year´s Eve 2004 and I began to suspect she was working. In fact, we all did.

As it turns out, they left together...Friend X, Monica, her cousin Javier and his girlfriend. Everyone went back to Cousin Javier´s (as he will now be referred to) house. Myself and Friend Y made our way back to the hostal around 6.30am and were wondering if Mr. X had absolutely any idea how to get back to our hostal. The last thing I remember us talking about before passing out was if he was lying facedown on the beach with one missing kidney or not. Actually, I´m lying. That is the second to last thing I remember. The last thing I remember was laughing ridiculously hard at the second to last thing I remember.

As it turns out he did know how to get back and damn good thing too. Around the same time we were making inappropriate jokes about his kidneys or lack thereof, he was sitting around Cousin Javier´s house. At some point he was asked/told (maybe ordered at knifepoint) to leave Cousin Javier´s house. This, on account of him being "too loud" (and thus, once again, proving the theory of the loud American). Cousin Javier and Monica then proceeded to start arguing. Arguement concluded with Friend X, Monica and Cousin Javier getting in the car around 7am. Cousin Javier drove to the town limits, stopped and told him to get out. Another argument. It ends. Monica and Friend X on the side of the road with nothing to see but a startling lack of taxis and Cousin Javier´s tail-lights disappearing into the distance. At this point Monica politely tells Friend X, "Javier speak bad of you. I choose you."

Choose a person you met in a bar that is visiting for Carnival Weekend instead of your cousin which leads to you being dropped on the side of the road in the early morning hours and left for dead.

And I thought I made questionable decisions...

As for the Carnival itself, it seemed more like a reason to hang out in cafes, bar and discos...as if the Spanish need anymore reason for that. As far as I can tell, that´s what happens every week in every Spanish city I have ever been too...just a few more tourists this time.

Besides the excuse for a party, it was like a Carnival...but not THE CARNIVAL. There were rides, vendors, some costumes, a small parade and kids running around with silly string. The main attraction in Cadiz during this celebration was political satire songs. Groups or bands play in the streets and I guess you could loosely compare it to something like Saturday Night Live skits. There was lots of yelling, singing and I think I even saw Jimmy Fallon looking into a non-existent camera and laugh (like the idiotic moron he is), but, not understanding all the lyrics and knowing the political targets kind of takes something away from the performance.

"Las Fallas" is up this weekend. Mediterrean Coast, fireworks and parade floats on fire. Stay tuned for more info.

I saw that Cheney had "mistakenly" shot a hunter partner the other day on the bottom of CNN the other day. I immediately thought, "good, maybe this guy will die and Cheney will finally get what is coming to him." As soon as I thought this, I shuddered. These people and this administration is so bad that they have driven me (angelic heart and all) into thinking that an "innocent" (though, really, if he is a private hunting buddy of Cheney´s, how innocent can he be?) man should die. It made me sick to my stomach.

But seriously, what do these people have to do to finally reap the effects of their actions?

*Lying (or at a bare minimum, "misrepresenting" the facts) to go to war - check

*Secretly spy on the American public - check

*Operate "secret" prisons around the world to hide your activities - check

*Openly torture people in US custody - check

*Operate Guantanamo Bay Prison, classified by the UN as sanctioned torture - check

*Leaking classified info about CIA operatives fighting nuclear proliferation...and doing so as political retribution - double check

*Shooting hunting partners without even having hunting licenses - check

*Proposing ammendments to actually write discrimination into the Constitution - check

*Alienating the world - check

*In general, just being savage, heartless pricks - triple check

Guns don´t hurt people, moronic vice-presidents with itchy trigger (and bomb) fingers do.

All of this just further illustrates the administration´s casual attitude towards law and decency. These people feel like than can do whatever the hell they want. They believe they are above the law. And, until they are impeached, they will continue to continue acting in the same manner.

I don´t have many complaints about Spain. Besides teaching some bratty kids, I haven´t really been bothered too much.

What can I really complain about?

Lax attitude towards time? Nope. I always hated wearing a watch anyway. I was almost 30 minutes late to the first class I ever taught here...and two students arrived after me. They told me, "Relax, you are on Madrid time!" I thought, "DEAL!" Now, even when meeting other Americans or Brits, I plan to be a little late. It´s just expected. Plus, if you are early, just pop into the cafe for a caña or glass of wine. Problem solved.

Less emphasis on service? Nah...you get used to it quickly. Plus, they make up for it when a bottle of wine is included in your set menu. Unless you are a real pain in the ass, this is one of the first things you get used to. Service people here don´t work for tips. So, you don´t have to tip much, but they aren´t going to be running their ass off for you. ACCEPT IT. What´s the point of silently (or not so silently) fuming every time you want a drink or food?

The near deaf guy that lives next door? He´s like 213 years old and can´t really hear well, if at all. In more than 15 months I have seen him a total of 4 times, maybe less. But, I know he is still alive and it´s not because he has the "I´ve fallen and can´t get up alarm system" and I constantly hear the paramedics running up the stairs. He watches TV at an ear splitting volume and the set is periodically turned off and the channels are changed. It´s so loud that we can mute ours and just listen to his audio sometimes.

Unusual schedule? It works for me. Having long, leisurely lunches is something everyone should do. What´s the rush? And I am sure every bank employee would love to have that 9am to 2pm, Monday to Friday schedule. Plus, I don´t even have a bank account, so what´s there really to worry about. After the first few months, I was used to having some shops closed for siestas and adjusted.

Which brings me to my complaint -

The complete and total lack of spatial awareness by most Spanish people.

First of all, the concept of personal space is different here (and by extension, I think Europe) than it is in the US. Everything is smaller. Cities, buildings, elevators, etc. and as a result, people have to make do with less. Sharing tables in small cafes is not uncommon. I have seen street performers pile into an overcrowded metro and then proceed to sing "Why Fools Rush In" by Elvis, face to face with my friend...no breathing room. I have gotten used to all this. Sometimes, it´s even funny...when it´s someone else´s ass in someone else´s face. Rule of thumb - it´s always funny when it happens to someone else!

But, the lack of awareness of their surroundings remains astounding. People are clueless. Walking on a crowded stairwell entering the metro you will see to 80 year old women with canes stop right smack in the middle to talk to each other.

oldie #1 - "Hey, how you doing?"
oldie #2 - "Great."

oldie #1 - "And the new hip, not acting up?"
oldie #2 - "Well, now that the weather is getting a little colder it takes me an extra second or two to stop suddenly and make the young English teacher walking behind me on the stairs gracefully (some would even say "cat-like") avoid knocking my fossilized-ass down these stairs."

And it´s not just old women. IT´S EVERYONE. Sunday afternoon? Fuhgetaboutit. People walk down the sidewalks 5 across holding hands. You start inching past on the right side and of course, utterly oblivious of your presence, that is the way they start fading...ridiculously unconscious of their surroundings. You try to slide by on the left and sure enough the one on that side bends over suddenly to tie their shoe (never knowing or learning how close they came to getting unintentionally violated).

How about the people that walk right up to the metro turnstile and then they remember, "Hey, this metro thing might not be free today." Then, standing and blocking the entrance they proceed to rummage through every pocket and bag before finding their ticket in the first place they examined. GET OUT OF THE WAY or do the self-inflicted cavity search before stopping here!!! For the love of GOD!

And everyone has had the experience of walking towards someone and knowing that you are going to do that little dance in each direction because you keep going the same way. You both hop to the same side simultaneously and then back, before the awkward smile, chuckle and give a polite "sorry". It happens to everyone...well, it happened to me 17.5 times on my way to this internet cafe. The .5 is from the little kid who I just kicked in the shins after we hopped the in the same direction one time. I´m ready to start heading these problems off a little early...

You got to like this guy. He makes billions off his companies and then bounces around the world in hot-air balloons and private jets. He certainly knows what he wants in life and then goes for it. You have to respect that (or at least I do) agree or not.

Turns out, he wants blondes.

I was checking in at Virgin Atlantic desk the other day. All of a sudden, straight out of the movies (think "Catch Me if You Can"), a man-devouring horde of female flight attendants stroll through the doors. They possessed one single over riding quality. Of the 15 or so I saw, 13 of them had blonde hair. Quite impressive in today´s political correct environment. It´s like the Seinfeld episode when Elaine thinks that the coffee shop only hires big-breasted women but it turns out they were all the owners daughters. How many kids does Branson have? As many as Shawn Kemp? If not, the question is, how do they get away with hiring so many more blondes than brunettes and gingers? More importantly, am I the only person that is interested in this? If so, not sure why you are reading right now.

So, during the flight I decided to ask one of the flight attendants. While she was refilling my wine I just threw it out there.

Me - "How long have you been working for Virgin Atlantic?"
Her - "A couple of years."

After all the polite "do you like it..." and "it must be pretty cool to fly around the world for free" bullshit I just blurted out, "Do you think being a blonde helped you get the job?"

She didn´t seem too amused by my line of questioning. Then it occurred to me that it could have been taking as an insult, like she was bad at her job and was only hired because she was blessed with blonde hair and a sweet, sweet ass (truth hurts I guess). I attempted to cover up my psuedo insult quite awkwardly and as a result of my inappropriate (to some) question I didn´t receive anymore wine from her for the duration of the flight.

I think it is interesting because it seems like Virgin Atlantic and Branson are trying to bring back the old stereotypical image of earlier flight attendants (young, blonde and attractive being the three qualities I think of most). I remember these stereotypes from movies and then remember being disappointed by seeing actual men serving food and drinks after flying on a plane. Personally, I don´t have any problem with a little sexual discrimination when it comes to hiring flight attendants...one of the few things from the 50´s that they did right!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I just hope none of your phones were tapped when I was calling!

More info on the death penalty. It has been brought to my attention by a comment posted that some countries weren´t identified by me as having the death penalty in my last entry and that was probably due to my being a member of the "liberal backpacker set" and because I either had too much or possessed a lack of "vitriol".

The real reason is that all of us dirty, long-haired hippies (or "long hairs" as they are commonly referred to in certain circles) have bad memories (probably due to our chronic and heavy intake of marijuana, LSD and cocaine). I didn´t selectively "omit" the information, I was just too stoned at the time of typing to remember.

Amnesty International Death Penalty Info

The United States wants to be the model for other countries across the globe. We promote ourselves as the leaders of the free world. We have some work to do. From torturing "prisoners" in Iraq, Afghanistan and Guantanamo to Illegal Wiretaps to executing the mentally retarded, I think we have a long way to go until we can be seen as a "model" for others.

I think this is a particularly envious list to be on -- And don´t worry, they only list Pakistan, Libya, Saudi Arabia and Sierra Leone before the USA because it´s alphabetical, not because they are better than us!!

Countries and territories which retain the death penalty for ordinary crimes
AFGHANISTAN, ANTIGUA AND BARBUDA, BAHAMAS, BANGLADESH, BARBADOS, BELARUS, BELIZE, BOTSWANA, BURUNDI, CAMEROON, CHAD, CHINA, COMOROS, CONGO (Democratic Republic), CUBA, DOMINICA, EGYPT, EQUATORIAL GUINEA, ERITREA, ETHIOPIA, GABON, GHANA, GUATEMALA, GUINEA, GUYANA, INDIA, INDONESIA, IRAN, IRAQ, JAMAICA, JAPAN, JORDAN, KAZAKSTAN, KOREA (North), KOREA (South), KUWAIT, KYRGYZSTAN, LAOS, LEBANON, LESOTHO, LIBYA, MALAWI, MALAYSIA, MONGOLIA, NIGERIA, OMAN, PAKISTAN, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY, PHILIPPINES, QATAR, RWANDA, SAINT CHRISTOPHER & NEVIS, SAINT LUCIA, SAINT VINCENT & GRENADINES, SAUDI ARABIA, SIERRA LEONE, SINGAPORE, SOMALIA, SUDAN, SWAZILAND, SYRIA, TAIWAN, TAJIKISTAN, TANZANIA, THAILAND, TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO, UGANDA, UNITED ARAB EMIRATES, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, UZBEKISTAN, VIET NAM, YEMEN, ZAMBIA, ZIMBABWE

GO MUGABE!!!

Well...the last two weeks has been a huge week for legal executioners in the United States. First, the US celebrated the execution of its´ one thousandth prisoner since 1977. WOOO HOOO!!!!!!!!!!! AWESOME! I am sooooooo proud!!! Then, yesterday amid much media hoopla, Tookie Williams was killed after failing to receive clemency from THE GOVERNATOR. Tookie was the founder of the infamous "Crips" gang in Los Angeles and was convicted and sentenced to death for 4 murders in 1979. Well, we might remember who #1001 was for a while!

As anyone who knows me or someone who has read my opinions of the right wing it is probably not hard to realize that I am against the death penalty. It is really sad to me that the US still executes people. This list of other countries that do so is not great company. Other countries won´t extradite prisoners to the US if capital punishment is a possible outcome (though now they might want to add torture to the list). 85% of the executions in the world take place in China, Iran, North Korea, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Saudi Arabia and THE US. Great, just another thing we have in common with Saudi Arabia. Do Americans really want to be on this list? Since DNA testing has been introduced, over 120 people on death row have been exonerated. Amazing. True. WHY DO WE STILL HAVE THIS FLAWED SYSTEM IN PLACE? The flaws are appalling. Often the defendants are stuck with inept public defenders. Prosecutors are much more likely to go for the death penalty if the victim is white (regardless of the defendants skin color).

Which brings us back to Tookie. The man has maintained his innocence since he was convicted. But, he has become a changed man in jail. He wrote books (taking no profit) about the horrors of gang life. Spoke out against gangs and was even nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Seems to me that this man was the epitomy of "rehabiliatation". Now, isn´t that what the penal system is supposed to be for? Or do we just use the idea of "rehabiliatation" to lock people away and forget about them? If so, let´s be honest about what we are doing. If not, we have to start changing some things. Right wingers mention that he has never repented and accepted responsibility for his crimes...well, if he maintains his innocence, that isn´t really practical, is it? I don´t know if I believe him or not. I do know that we aren´t talking about letting him out of prison...just not executing him. Considering all the factors involved, it doesn´t seem outrageous to me.

BUT, since we are on the topic, if a country needs the death penalty it is Spain. And, the only crime that should be punishable by death is the RIDICULOUS and DUMB (and no, I am not judgemental at all) habit of wearing colored plastic wigs around the city during Christmas time. It is mostly kids but I saw some people in their 20´s doing it the other day. For some reason, these plastic wigs that look like something Cyndi Lauper would have worn are popular during the holidays. People walk around with pink, silver and purple wigs that look like the top of a damn Raggedy Annie doll. I always want to chime in, "You´re late. Halloween was two months ago!" I just don´t understand...What is it about Christmas and Three Kings Day (January 6th here in Spain and the traditional time to exchange presents) that inspires these dumb wigs? They aren´t even green and red, the traditional colors associated with the holiday. I´m just waiting for those big, foam fingers to become popular. I have expect to see someone running around in a silver wig with a "Go Jesus" foam finger tomorrow inbetween classes.

There are loads of blind people, or at least "visually impaired" people here in Spain. I see them all the time. Well, in the last few weeks I have seen some sad little examples of what passes here for seeing eye dogs.

Yesterday, I was on the metro. At one stop, a little old lady came on with her dog and was standing at the back of the car. Only problem was that the dog didn´t just sit down. He kept walking around to the people near him looking for affection. He (more likely, it was probably a SHE) actually sat down in front of other people and allowed them to pet them. The blind lady had to keep pulling him back to her. I was on the opposite end of the car, but it was hard not to laugh. I know...hell in a handbasket.

A while back I was waiting for a train in the station. Here, there are little garbage cans mounted on the walls of the station that stick out maybe 12 inches or so. I was waiting and an old man comes walking in with his dog and is on the left side of the dog. They are walking on the left side of the station. The dog walks the poor old man right smack into the garbage can sticking out of the wall. Give the man credit though...he didn´t go down. He took that shot and just kept on moving...I figure with that dumb dog, he´s probably used to it.