I don´t have many complaints about Spain. Besides teaching some bratty kids, I haven´t really been bothered too much.

What can I really complain about?

Lax attitude towards time? Nope. I always hated wearing a watch anyway. I was almost 30 minutes late to the first class I ever taught here...and two students arrived after me. They told me, "Relax, you are on Madrid time!" I thought, "DEAL!" Now, even when meeting other Americans or Brits, I plan to be a little late. It´s just expected. Plus, if you are early, just pop into the cafe for a caña or glass of wine. Problem solved.

Less emphasis on service? Nah...you get used to it quickly. Plus, they make up for it when a bottle of wine is included in your set menu. Unless you are a real pain in the ass, this is one of the first things you get used to. Service people here don´t work for tips. So, you don´t have to tip much, but they aren´t going to be running their ass off for you. ACCEPT IT. What´s the point of silently (or not so silently) fuming every time you want a drink or food?

The near deaf guy that lives next door? He´s like 213 years old and can´t really hear well, if at all. In more than 15 months I have seen him a total of 4 times, maybe less. But, I know he is still alive and it´s not because he has the "I´ve fallen and can´t get up alarm system" and I constantly hear the paramedics running up the stairs. He watches TV at an ear splitting volume and the set is periodically turned off and the channels are changed. It´s so loud that we can mute ours and just listen to his audio sometimes.

Unusual schedule? It works for me. Having long, leisurely lunches is something everyone should do. What´s the rush? And I am sure every bank employee would love to have that 9am to 2pm, Monday to Friday schedule. Plus, I don´t even have a bank account, so what´s there really to worry about. After the first few months, I was used to having some shops closed for siestas and adjusted.

Which brings me to my complaint -

The complete and total lack of spatial awareness by most Spanish people.

First of all, the concept of personal space is different here (and by extension, I think Europe) than it is in the US. Everything is smaller. Cities, buildings, elevators, etc. and as a result, people have to make do with less. Sharing tables in small cafes is not uncommon. I have seen street performers pile into an overcrowded metro and then proceed to sing "Why Fools Rush In" by Elvis, face to face with my friend...no breathing room. I have gotten used to all this. Sometimes, it´s even funny...when it´s someone else´s ass in someone else´s face. Rule of thumb - it´s always funny when it happens to someone else!

But, the lack of awareness of their surroundings remains astounding. People are clueless. Walking on a crowded stairwell entering the metro you will see to 80 year old women with canes stop right smack in the middle to talk to each other.

oldie #1 - "Hey, how you doing?"
oldie #2 - "Great."

oldie #1 - "And the new hip, not acting up?"
oldie #2 - "Well, now that the weather is getting a little colder it takes me an extra second or two to stop suddenly and make the young English teacher walking behind me on the stairs gracefully (some would even say "cat-like") avoid knocking my fossilized-ass down these stairs."

And it´s not just old women. IT´S EVERYONE. Sunday afternoon? Fuhgetaboutit. People walk down the sidewalks 5 across holding hands. You start inching past on the right side and of course, utterly oblivious of your presence, that is the way they start fading...ridiculously unconscious of their surroundings. You try to slide by on the left and sure enough the one on that side bends over suddenly to tie their shoe (never knowing or learning how close they came to getting unintentionally violated).

How about the people that walk right up to the metro turnstile and then they remember, "Hey, this metro thing might not be free today." Then, standing and blocking the entrance they proceed to rummage through every pocket and bag before finding their ticket in the first place they examined. GET OUT OF THE WAY or do the self-inflicted cavity search before stopping here!!! For the love of GOD!

And everyone has had the experience of walking towards someone and knowing that you are going to do that little dance in each direction because you keep going the same way. You both hop to the same side simultaneously and then back, before the awkward smile, chuckle and give a polite "sorry". It happens to everyone...well, it happened to me 17.5 times on my way to this internet cafe. The .5 is from the little kid who I just kicked in the shins after we hopped the in the same direction one time. I´m ready to start heading these problems off a little early...