Our lovely little hostel, Pensao Restauradores, provided for some interesting moments this past weekend in Lisbon. After arriving in Lisbon around 5:30am we needed to kill some time and then find a place to stay. After walking for hours and getting rejected the first 4 or 5 times, we finally struck gold...or at least we struck something.

We walk into the hostel and there is a wall across from the check in counter devoted to God. I freely admit that I have a rather strong aversion to organized religion, but I think this might have given some of you "normals" out there a weird feeling. The dead pope, random nuns and priests, pictures everywhere. I started thinking..."hmm, this might not be the best place for 2 guys in their 20´s, but fuck it, I´m tired and don´t feel like looking for another hostel."

Then I discovered a myth about Lisbon. Everyone was telling me before hand that all the people spoke English there. That´s not true. Of course, I can´t speak any Portugese, so luckily I was able to converse with the woman in Spanish and arrange for our stay.

The next day the fun began. Here´s the first unusual encounter with the lovely staff. We are going out to get dinner around 10pm and see one of the Little Old Jesus Freaks ladies in the hallway and here is the ensuing conversation.

Us - "Hi."
Her - "asklnslkoieuroig (Portugese)"

We smile, nod and continue walking.

Her - "DON´T!"
Us - "Huh?"

We had no idea what to say. Did she just say something in English? We realized yes, but then we realized that it made no sense. We had no context...

Me - "Don´t what?"
Her - "Don´t! You know?"

At this point, we realized that she was in her own world.

Her - "DON´T!"
Us - "Ohhhhhh, yeah, don´t worry about it, we won´t!"

That was experience number one. It gets better. We came home after dinner and saw some old guy who worked there too. We walk in and it begins anew...

Us - "Hola."
Them - Friendly wave and smile.

We walk down the hall, turn left and are outside our room trying to open the door in the dark...no light in the hallway. Sure enough, here comes the old man. Now, let me preface this with the simple fact they know we don´t speak Portugese. Only Spanish or English.

Him - "bkejnrkjslkjkljrekj"
Me - "Qué? Perdon, señor, pero no entiendo."

Him - "aporepreirpioaducokndoknfdkafdlkajflfja"
Me - "Sir, I don´t understand Portugese. I´m sorry. Habla ingles or español?"

Him - "lakxmxkeioruieuowisldjfklsdmnfklsdnmkldmnfkldmfnlk"
Me - "No entiendo. I don´t understand you. I´m sorry."

Him - "oairjeakmdkcmaopieprojkdfopjdfkdjfpadfjkalpdfajkdlpfkadlfk"

Finally I just realize this could go on forever. I simply smile, shake my head yes and say "OK." After that, we went in our room and locked the door with the chain that night. That was it though. He was so animated and obviously had something he wanted to tell me. He had to know that I had no idea what he was saying, yet as soon as I nodded, he just turned and walked away, completely content with his international communication skills.

The last interesting conversation we had was the day before we left. We were waiting for the elevator and I noticed a little bell on the door, obviously there to make noise when people enter, so they are aware of it. The old people were there and saw me look at it and kind of give it a little shake.

Her - "You like bell?"
Me - "Umm, sure, it´s a great bell." (and it was!)

Her - "We had 2."

Then, like I was watching the WWF and ´The Rock´, I swear to god, she gave me the raised eyebrow stare until the arrives rings.

Elevator arrives and we get in. As we are going down, I am thinking more about the recent conversation. Then I was like, wait a minute...did she just accuse me of stealing the other bell?? I wasn´t sure, but as I recall the look of blood-boiling hatred in her eyes I began to think that was exactly what she was implying and it was at that moment that I committed myself to in fact stealing the second bell.

The note on the door the day we left simply said, "Now you have none."