Nothing like having people come and visit to make you get up and do different things. When I first arrived I was in no rush to "see the sights" and do everything there was to do in Madrid. I kept thinking, I got plenty of time, no need to over-exert myself. Next thing I know I wake up from a teaching / alcohol induced haze and it is 6 months later. So, I figure I "gotta get off my ass and find that fucking dog!" (heartfelt congratulations to the first post with the correct name of the movie that is from...it´s easy)

A few weeks back my brother was here and now I have my ex-girlfriend Erika visiting. Yesterday we just wandered around the city, sat outside, bounced from place to place and now, today the tourist stuff begins.

Unfortunately, it begins with a guided tour of the Royal Palace here in Madrid. It is quite impressive from the outside. It has something like 1500 rooms. Now, you might be thinking few things:

1) that´s gonna be a looooonng fucking tour
2) why is he doing that?
3) does it sound all that exciting and interesting?

I know you are thinking and asking these questions because I have already thought of them, asked them and answered them myself. But she is set on it. Really wants to do it. Thinks it will be great. So, in typical passive aggressive behavior I sought to sabotage her opinion of it last night. Luckily, we ran into 2 of my friends and sat down to have a drink or two. I figured on could count on these two guys to help me dissuade her. Boy was I wrong! I forgot men are douchebags, particularly me and the persons I associate with. They, sensing my ulterior motives for bringing up the guided tour of the palace decided to go another way and "stick it in and break it off". Instead of convincing her it was boring and not worth it, they start with the comments like "it´s great", "really interesting", "you´ll love it" all the while slyly smirking in my direction. Dicks!

Not sure why I am so against the tour, but it is conjuring images of that White House tour in DC a few years back. The whole time during that tour I was thinking things like "who cares what first lady chose the color scheme for the Roosevelt Room" and "if I yell BOMB right now, will I be escorted out, arrested and beaten with a rubber hose, or thanked by all the other men on the tour and given offers of free beer across the street?" We might find out what will happen here in Spain if I do it. "Donde ésta la bomba?"

As for my friends, I am already plotting revenge. I think it is about time I introduced Madrid to a fun little game I like to call "Buckets O Water". Just in case you aren´t very imaginative and/or didn´t go to College Park, I´ll explain. It is derived from a particularly fun April Fools Day. More or less, a few of us sat inside the front door to our house with buckets of water and unloaded on unsuspecting victims returning from class to eat lunch. Kudos to Steve Leiber for getting soaked by about 5 buckets of water and completely drenched decide to skip lunch, turn around and head right back to class dripping wet. He was definitely the best sport that day. The best part of the game was that with each new victim we added a new member to the team. They wanted to get someone else as wet as they were. After that, it started getting ugly. Any time you were out back you always had to be conscious of people lurking on the fire escapes above. I still remember my favorite. A friend who shall remain nameless (it wasn´t the BEN BETZ who lives in Washington DC now and works for "The People For the American Way") happened to fall asleep on a couch in the range of the buckets. People went scrambling for buckets, pots and anything else that would hold water. He was hit with numerous buckets of water while asleep. Yes, it was every bit as funny and immature as it sounds. So, Chuck and Dave, if you are reading (and I know you aren´t) watch your ass!