One step at a time…

I guess I have to face the reality of the end of my lazy life for the last few months and get my butt into an office chair. I have to say 6 months were not enough to figure out what I want to do in “my life” work wise. I don’t know how to answer that question. Right now the question in front of me is, should I take on a full time position in a “good” company and get back on career track or should I do some consulting work. Have to figure out the pros and cons of both. So I guess I have grown up, I don’t like what I really do (work in corporate finance) but I’m good at what I do, make a living, survive, live, enjoy what money can buy (well in a limit). The question about what will jingle my bells each morning work wise is yet to be answered.

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but not too good

So, this was my very first christmas celebration the traditional style…a tree, stockings and all that goes with making merry.

I got presents as well…so sweet. I did’nt expect any and it was just a wonderful feeling ripping all the paper (unrecycled) Christmas morning over some cinnamon rolls and coffee.

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33,000 total dead in Asia. Most of us by now have heard this news. Your head has to be buried in sand not to have seen this news. The news and the images are everywhere. Sad is a very small word which barely describes how I feel right now. Guilt, numbness and a feeling of helplessness is overwhelming me right now. I feel powerless that I’m not able to do anything about what I feel at this moment.

The worse thing is I know this feeling will not last for ever. Few days and I will place it at the back of my head and will go with my life. My interviews, my shopping list for India, my travel arrangements, my…I think you get my point. Even now life goes on, am in a Starbucks cafe having spent some money on a cup of Joe which could buy somebody next meal for the next couple of days.

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Of course another year rolls by in a wink. Time is fleeting. I cannot recall some years but I know this past year will stay etched in my memory for a very very long time. When am old and sitting on my beach front bungalow in Goa, I will remember 2004 as the one of the best years of my life.

So much happened this year and not much that unusual if you think about it. I grew up. Like many others searching their hearts and souls this year, I found answers to few of the questions I have been pondering for a while. Eureka! Was not what I exclaimed but I did have a moment or two when I felt I was a genius. I was I made the best decision of my life so far, to pack a bag and leave town. Easier said than done but now I can say I did it too!

Well, lesson number one. Time flies, so do what you want to do today instead of tomorrow. Live a little. I should, you should and we all should take a moment and see our lives as they pan out in this vast universe. A speck of sand in the hour glass of life.

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Its raining and miserably cold here in Pacifica. Well, everybody told me I was going to freeze my butt. I know now, chilled to the bone is a understatement. The weather suits my mood. I have not done anything productive in a while and am feeling a little burnt out by this “nothing to do period”. These days demand for some Pakoras (veggie fritters) and Chai. Something very soothing about the combination. Feels good, warm and reminds of good times. I want to have a Pakoras and Chai day.

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The clouds have lifted. Time to dry some laundry in the sun. Things that would be perfect for a day like this; Fresh bread and soft brie cheese. A glass of a smooth cabernet. Coltrane in the background. A few friends, a few conversations. Some coffee, some tea and lots of hot chocolate to battle the still nippy breeze. What more could one want from life. It’s so simple when you keep it that way.

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Well, i think its time to wrap up this blog. It was meant to capture some of the moments on the road and since am not longer on one..time to close shop.

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I was thinking about what is that we call “traveling”. Is this the actaul physical act of being on the road or is it more. Is it more about the journey of the thoughts we have. Their evolution, their search and constant battling with their own sounds. According to the dictionary “travel” is act of going one place to another. Strictly speaking they mean the act of going one place to another for a purpose, recreational, migration etc. But I like to think its more, it also searching for a new experience, travel mentally from one place to another. One thought to another.

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Here I thought I was coming up with a new word but lo and behold it does exist. But does it mean what I think it should or does it mean something completely different. Last night after finishing a bottle of wine, some Thai food, I got into a very interesting conversation with a friend. We talked mainly about how one can bring about change back in India. What we learn in the classrooms in MBA school ..can it be applied in the real world. Is humanity spiraling downwards or are folks out there who are making a change at a grassroots level making a difference. But will this be enough. A part me say’s there should be a policy shift, a shift in paradigm of thinking, a change in world leadership or are these all naive principles which are rather idealist and its better to get to work where we can make a change.

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No No….don’t worry I was not. It just feels that way. So in preparation for my Kilimanjaro climb I’m keeping up with my training routine. Not! Now it will be couple more weeks before I get going with my walk and hikes again. I seem to be finding excuses but this one is genuine.

Dancing always is a good alternative to gym. Seriously it is. Especially Salsa…after a fun dancing session with my girl friends and one garnish male friend of a friend…I ended right smack on the sidewalk. Bruised and scraped my cheek tore my favorite pair of jeans and now both my shoulders are useless. It hurts like…can’t find a simile.

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