coping
Tuesday, January 13th, 2009by the Mama
Phnom Penh, Cambodia
What I would like to know is who of the kids is coping the best and/or the least? How does age and personality come in to that? ~ asked by a friend
Interesting questions.
In a nutshell, everyone is coping really well. We are certainly no worse off than at home, and perhaps because we expected some days to be hard, it is not a shock when those days happen. But mostly, we are having a blast. What’s not to love about having Dadda around all the time, eating out, having something to journal about, seeing awesome sights, learning new things? In fact, to say we are “coping” well does not feel quite right. That seems to imply hardship to be faced, but we are not experiencing that at all. We’re having an adventure, and we’re adventure-loving sorts. I’d say we’re thriving rather than coping! Thriving. Privileged. Blessed. Honoured. Fortunate. Thankful. Yes, all of those things.
We had expected the eldest and youngest daughters to be the least settled. And at first it was almost a self-fulfilling prophecy. The youngest would wake every night (she NEVER did the nighttime waking thing at home) and inside a month she turned into a Dadda-only-thank-you-very-much girl. We tried to help her with these issues and she found her own little routines that, upon reflection, may have given her some security in a daily-changing world. Whenever we went into a restaurant or settled at a roadside stall, she would seek out the highchair and claim it for herself, despite the fact that she had not been using a highchair for months at home! But after Malaysia there were no more highchairs and this ritual was replaced by a need to sit next to flavour-of-the-month-Dadda, a desire we indulged, because who wants a scene at mealtime? Another Malaysia-ritual was playground spotting. Her keen wee eyes found every swing and slide set in the country! But again, these petered out in Thailand and she switched to finding 7-11 stores instead. Now in Cambodia there’s nothing to spot each day, and she’s back to the nighttime waking – maybe we’ll encourage her to find the squashed rats on our street or to count tuktuks.
The eldest daughter. By her own admission, it took her a month to feel comfortable with travelling, but then she loved it. She was the one we had thought might want to be going home at the three month mark, but she’s saying how much time is flying. Goes to show that no matter how well you know your children (or even how well they know themselves), there can be surprises.
Not surprising is the fact that every day there are issues to be dealt with. Now this happened at home too, so why would it be any different on the road? Especially when all the usual routines are stripped away, everything is unfamiliar, everyone is sharing beds and there’s nowhere to run around and let off steam.
Some of the children are missing the freedom to roam outside and ride bikes, build Lego constructions or read books. Everyone is feeling the fact that it is almost the end of our summer and we have not been to a beach (apart from one peek at the sea from a bus for a few minutes a couple of weeks ago, we have not even seen the ocean for two months). No-one is complaining about it though; it’s just one of those things. I’m not sure if age or personality play any part in that. I suspect the major factor is us adults leading by example. We are focusing on the experiences we have been privileged to have, instead of moaning about what we are not getting.
Although that’s not to say age and personality don’t play some part at other times. There is behaviour that is very closely related to age-n-stage development. That doesn’t change as we travel. The I’m-too-big-for-my-boots-attitude doesn’t afflict the smallest, but it manifests itself in different forms amongst some of the middle-sized kids. Way back at the beginning when it was REALLY HOT, it seemed that the smaller the group the member, the worse they fared. The kids who need their sleep at home, still need it on the road. The one who rarely looked where he was going at home was the one who walked into an oncoming tuktuk today (he’s OK – just got a headache from making contact with a wing mirror!) Older peeps can be reasoned with – there’s little point in trying that with a tired hungry crying two-year-old.
All of our kids have hearty appetites and are rarely reluctant to try new foods. This has stood them all in good stead. It means that they can always have their tummies filled, and this fact alone can make or break a day! I can imagine that if we had picky eaters, it would raise the stress levels considerably and make things difficult for everyone concerned.
Another thing that has made for “good coping” is a personality-thing. Both the adults can do a good extrovert impersonation when the need arises, and some of the children are naturally wired that way. This makes for cheery interchanges with people we come across. Unfortunately, it’s the youngest two girls who invite the most attention and they are the two who take the longest to warm up to new faces. We have, however, been pleasantly surprised at how readily they have taken to giving foreign language greetings – even if they do not altogether enjoy the cheek pinching and head patting and hair pulling and arm pinching and having their whole face squeezed inside a total stranger’s two cupped hands. They even tolerate being smothered by kisses now…..but we are still working with them to smile at the perpetrator when attacked spoken to. So, you see, even not-conducive-to-travelling personality traits can be “overcome”.
(at the nearby stadium about to let off steam!)
rayres