The Process of Being

I notice a lot of people are coming to my one post regarding honey and acne remedy. Here is the summation of that post.

• My skin type: varies now that I’m 35 it varies, sometimes it’s T combo, most of the time it’s normal. I do have very sensitive skin however and so I am careful with what I put on my skin and my face. I’m South Asian and I don’t drink soft drinks, caffeine or eat a lot of sweets. Though chocolate is a major constant in my life, I eat it moderately. This past year I have eaten more fried food than I have in my whole life. I also do my best to eat whole foods, not processed or refined.

• Acne and honey: While I dabbed regular locally bought honey (from a farm near my city) it did reduce the appearance of the zit, before it got a white head. I think toothpaste is better at drying it out.

• honey and skin tags: what an amazing discovery I made! I noticed I was getting skin tags on my face. I put it on over night until it was gone, which was 3 days. I also put it on my decollatage, (these had been there for a few years) and it reduced it to the level of my skin, it looks like I have a skin tag, but it’s not an outgrowth.

• I also had one of those red bumps that you get on your arm or decollatage but on my nose, then one day it was black. I put honey on that and also used the Indian Clay Mask on it, and it was completely gone.

• Length of time : Honey I used on my face overnight, putting paper towel bits on it (like when man uses that to clot his razor knicks) and made sure not to sleep on my side. I used the honey until the zit was mostly reduced because it wasn’t making it go away completely.

• As for honey on the skin tags forming on my face, I used it until it was gone, which was about 3 overnights.

Here’s another link to where people experiment with different remedies and give their results and rate the remedy, in this particular case it’s a honey mask, and : http://www.acne.org/honey-mask-reviews/372/page1.html

Running Up That Hill

(it’s the soundtrack for this post)

All the misunderstandings, maybe I could’ve, we could’ve taken a step back and see where all the places where we don’t love ourselves instead of coming out of reaction, hurt and ego.

And I see how I still need to grow in more places, that I’m not perfect still, that I’m not so damn righteous, and where I want to just protect myself.

Finding the new ways of being, forging a new path, unknown, and still doing, being the best that I can. Why do I feel the need to be the best, most understanding, most enlightened person. I can only learn and do better the next time, I can only grow and be, when it stops who knows, whom I’ll be with God only knows. Why it feels and seems so important to me to be with a man, I don’t know. Read the rest of this entry »

or has it or did I just dive into the river because I didn’t need that particular boat, or did I cross the shore a million times and I left the boat behind?

I sometimes read this woman’s blog, Solbeam to see what she’s up to and what new insights she has…

this woman is scary sometimes, here’s the question I was asking myself last week and continue to, in regards to the attachment of working on myself through and with the ex…….and maybe I haven’t reached the shore yet, and maybe I jumped off the boat into the river to swim by my damn self hoping that another boat will come along and I can climb in and let that take me some where else, and get close to a shore before i want to jump in the river again to see if I can’t just swim to the damn shore my self.

In the meantimes I created signs that remind me of him of late, and feeling his energy at certain times of the day, and it seems that I have enough detachment to see that I can attach whatever meanings I can to those things, like oh maybe I should call him to end it in a more loving, less abrupt manner. But I don’t. I keep sending love being love, and feeling where I feel stuck, which isn’t in that many places anymore.

I tell you I don’t know Kedar-ji did, but man he shifted some things…fo sho!

I still have yet to write about my bhai, my Guru-little brother…..

Yes, to get me back into writing, which I haven’t done because I let myself be distracted by a lover.  How that happens sometimes…I get distracted because I’m so in the moment whether I’m with a lover or not, when things are soaring, I don’t bother writing it down…and plus the reason I haven’t been writing on my blog for the past few months, is because I didn’t want to publicize my struggles, my ups and downs, it took too much energy to write them down after I had processed everything.  I didn’t know why I wanted to be so narcissistic that anyone would care to read anything I had to say about my own issues, and why would I want to bare it all on a blog, when I could just keep a journal of my joys and the places where I temporarily forgot where joy was.

Here’s an excerpt from my home work assignment….

I remember smelling him as I walked by a perfume counter in Macy’s a long time ago.  The scent was overwhelming, it stopped me dead in my tracks and transported me back to that summer in Italy, in Florida, in Mexico….I had forgotten him, completely, it had been three years.  I stopped, looking for the bottle to see which scent it was, and now the name of the cologne escapes me.  But it doesn’t matter, because it immediately brought me back to how I felt about him, who he was and who I was only three short years ago.

It was intoxicating, I couldn’t inhale enough, I don’t know why it smelled so good, but each whiff I took in, it flooded my body with sensations that I had only with him.  All the good, the not so good, everything it all felt and smelled so good, our affair seemed so tangible.  He didn’t even wear that cologne, he wore a commercialized body spray that was based on that scent.  

——-

The memoir writing class will help me re-focus my goals and hopefully give me tools to help me continue no matter the distractions and take it more seriously, the writing and not the distraction.

In this place of stillness, of openness in my heart after being

attached to him and to the outcome, things are becoming more clear.For

some reason, I thought I could stay with a man that doesn’t trust

himself, and therefore will never trust me enough. I was attached to

our beauty together, to his beauty (inner), and the fact that he was

working on himself. Read the rest of this entry »