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Articles Tagged ‘break up’

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Friday, March 28th, 2008

in my mind

a thousand times

the past is relived

pushing the buttons

over and over

masochism

though I push him away…

there he remains…

slowly fading…

trying to say good bye

and holding on

and letting it all go

the past,

the past,

what was

what was never meant to be

but in that time

releasing

there is a less of a charge

but a part of me

that holds on

for some reason

perhaps that is where we are still

joined.

why is that I only write prose when I’m down about something someone

less identified….strangely, but still I

push and push my button

that has his name all over it.

The name I put there.

ugh.  love.  it all.

open and unattached.

what ever that means.

Anatomy of my ego..a course in miracles Ch.4,938,321,083,048,704,999

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008

Running Up That Hill

(it’s the soundtrack for this post)

All the misunderstandings, maybe I could’ve, we could’ve taken a step back and see where all the places where we don’t love ourselves instead of coming out of reaction, hurt and ego.

And I see how I still need to grow in more places, that I’m not perfect still, that I’m not so damn righteous, and where I want to just protect myself.

Finding the new ways of being, forging a new path, unknown, and still doing, being the best that I can. Why do I feel the need to be the best, most understanding, most enlightened person. I can only learn and do better the next time, I can only grow and be, when it stops who knows, whom I’ll be with God only knows. Why it feels and seems so important to me to be with a man, I don’t know. [read on]

Attention, the boat has reached the shore….

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
or has it or did I just dive into the river because I didn't need that particular boat, or did I cross the shore a million times and I left the boat behind? I sometimes read this woman's blog, Solbeam ... [Continue reading this entry]

Openhearted break up

Monday, March 10th, 2008
In this place of stillness, of openness in my heart after being attached to him and to the outcome, things are becoming more clear.For some reason, I thought I could stay with a man that ... [Continue reading this entry]