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Anatomy of my ego..a course in miracles Ch.4,938,321,083,048,704,999

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008

Running Up That Hill

(it’s the soundtrack for this post)

All the misunderstandings, maybe I could’ve, we could’ve taken a step back and see where all the places where we don’t love ourselves instead of coming out of reaction, hurt and ego.

And I see how I still need to grow in more places, that I’m not perfect still, that I’m not so damn righteous, and where I want to just protect myself.

Finding the new ways of being, forging a new path, unknown, and still doing, being the best that I can. Why do I feel the need to be the best, most understanding, most enlightened person. I can only learn and do better the next time, I can only grow and be, when it stops who knows, whom I’ll be with God only knows. Why it feels and seems so important to me to be with a man, I don’t know. [read on]

Posted in The Path of Life | 1 Comment »

Attention, the boat has reached the shore….

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008

or has it or did I just dive into the river because I didn’t need that particular boat, or did I cross the shore a million times and I left the boat behind?

I sometimes read this woman’s blog, Solbeam to see what she’s up to and what new insights she has…

this woman is scary sometimes, here’s the question I was asking myself last week and continue to, in regards to the attachment of working on myself through and with the ex…….and maybe I haven’t reached the shore yet, and maybe I jumped off the boat into the river to swim by my damn self hoping that another boat will come along and I can climb in and let that take me some where else, and get close to a shore before i want to jump in the river again to see if I can’t just swim to the damn shore my self.

In the meantimes I created signs that remind me of him of late, and feeling his energy at certain times of the day, and it seems that I have enough detachment to see that I can attach whatever meanings I can to those things, like oh maybe I should call him to end it in a more loving, less abrupt manner. But I don’t. I keep sending love being love, and feeling where I feel stuck, which isn’t in that many places anymore.

I tell you I don’t know Kedar-ji did, but man he shifted some things…fo sho!

I still have yet to write about my bhai, my Guru-little brother…..

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writing class…

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
Yes, to get me back into writing, which I haven't done because I let myself be distracted by a lover.  How that happens sometimes...I get distracted because I'm so in the moment whether I'm with a lover or not, when ... [Continue reading this entry]

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Openhearted break up

Monday, March 10th, 2008
In this place of stillness, of openness in my heart after being attached to him and to the outcome, things are becoming more clear.For some reason, I thought I could stay with a man that ... [Continue reading this entry]

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