I’d Love It If We Beat Them, Just Love It

Phew, what a scorcher! In an unbelievably ironic twist I find myself writing about England underneath a samba beat headline. Maybe it will be a bit parky for Brazil’s first game and we can giggle away at such headlines as Let it Snow or It’s raining men.

Anyway, back to the action. Bloody hot out there I thought, not enough knotted hankies for the lads, beer too cold, no Walkers crisps, Hasselhoff songs the only choice on the karaoke. Is it any wonder we became a bit jaded?

Great by line in yesterday’s paper….Crouch, half man half ladder. Sums up our new super hero, let me add half demi-God to that by jove. I like Crouchy, always at it, head never down, toothy grin and flailing limbs. Kind of reminds me of me in my pomp, all raw talent and modesty to boot.

The game went by in a flash, tension dissipated early doors as Becky Loos’ ex wings in a beauty that the Paraguayan skipper nods past his own keeper.

The first half was mostly all England and the second half we lost our way. Owen still , palpably, not match fit. All eyes on Wayners for the future games, I think he’ll play a part against the Swedes and we’ll bomb on like a nest of tables from Ikea. Rickety, but good enough for the job in hand.

Plus points yesterday were Neville Neville’s lad, Rio the Prankster, Stevie and the Gee-gees, Becky Loos’ squeeze and the Crouchster.

Ashley Cole had a game from hell and I nearly pissed myself when they gave mom to Lamps. Jeepers creepers, he was very bad. The boy hid for the first eighty.

All in all, three points gained, top of the group, recuperate from the old dehydration with a few cold ones and then bring on the Trinidadian and T posse.

In other news, Chester have pulled off their greatest ever (name) signing…. Jermaine MacSporran, I kid you not sports fans.

In horse racing please note the lovely Nina is going to Chester for one ride on Tuesday night in the 915. Sound familiar??

It is heartening to see such a positive approach from the Ticos. 

Costa Rica coach Alexandre Guimaraes says his team are dreaming of upsetting hosts Germany in Friday’s World Cup opener in Munich.

So I have a tough act to follow after the great match report on the england game in midweek but here goes my preview of sundays big game at easter road.

Yes just 2 days before the mighty Ghana walk all over the Korean’s (sorry Lena) and prove to the rest of the world that they are Africa’s number 1 country and a real contender for the title.

I will be there in all my Ghana merchandise in the (as famous scottish band once said) sunshine on leith.

We are fairly confident after beating Jamaica earlier this week, even though all 3 tv stations in korea will be showing this game live back there, there will be a massive switch off as Muntari puts away the 3rd after 30 minutes.

We will need to be well organised and fired up for this game since we open our world cup campaign against Italy, so Lena hope as your photo shows you like pies, hope you dont choke on one when you see the score on Sunday night.

The reason why I want to win this game is not to get at Lena but South Korea’s coach is Dick Advocaat, ex-rangers!!!!

I hope Lena puts a little south korean preview onto this thread and may the best team win from africa!!!!

Park at the Cricket Ground, smell the willow, tales of Fabulous Freddie and Foxy Fowler. Young boy and girl so nervous, such a big crowd. Nervous laughter as boy is told that there will be more at OT than Chester get for a season.

Chips from Lou Macari’s. Manc scall in front tries to palm off a dodgy £20. Kids goggle-eyed as the lad legs it quick smart. Anyone any tips on talking about forgeries to a 7 and 9 year old?

Atmosphere in the ground is good, positive even. We are sat in the Stretford end, sorry West stand. What the flip is that all about? When and why? Pathetic.

England line-up as predicted. Turgid first half hour, Chester are better than this I cry. Get waved at from Messrs Lineker, Hansen and Wright. The highlight of the first half until Stevie G, the G-man, the G-clamp, the G-spot pirouettes his way to a penalty. That’s more like it, I’ve backed Becks and Lamps for the first goal, either one’ll do, happy days. Useless cockney lampost. How can anyone not score a penalty against some bloke who wears tracksuit bottoms from the value section from Tesco. “Sven out!” I cry.

Half time and semi-darkness. the kids get the glow sticks out. This is a problem bigger than any defensive-midfield quandary. Bloody hell fire. Kids lost in another world of unwrapping and snapping. Hargreaves on and first proper comment here. He is so very, very poor. Utter shit, can’t pass, can’t tackle I think it’s a German/Welsh conspiracy to infiltrate our ranks. I saw this fecker in portugal too, he’s really not very good.

My God, we come out possessed. Hargreaves for President, or King Owen if you like. Early goal for G-whizz from Becky Loos cross. She may not be able to sing but what a sweet right foot. Big cheers all round, not the kids of course, they missed it sorting out their bloody glow sticks. JT bags a second in no time at all, Ms Loos’ lover the provider once more. “Walking in a baby wonderland”….his Mrs has had twins and the FA make him play, it’s not right, get onto Fathers for Justice, he should get some paternity leave, it’s his right.

Hungary are still hungry, Owen H backs off like an Italian tank division, by jingo. Good goal from about 40 yards out. Kids miss this one too, Mexican wave distracts them for about half an hour. You just don’t get this at Chester, bloody gimmicky football stadiums.

Sven rings the changes, exit stage right for Owen (Michael), and G-willockus. If the former is anywhere near fit then so am I.

Crouch is a robotic revelation. Heading and passing and holding up like a footballer no less. No cheap shouts of freak here I can tell you. The boys a wonder not a blunder. He finishes with aplomb after Old King Cole wizardry. The dance is worth the admission money alone.

All in all, satisfactory. Carra did okay but can’t pass. Lamps had a good second half. My worry is we have plenty of plan b players, ie those who can come on and do a good job….Crouch,Lennon and Walcott but not enough plan a players. If only Wayners hadn’t been crocked by those nasty Chelsea boys, I blame Abramovich.

Well i wish that was true.

Pogo have a keeper called Magic Hands. It cant go wrong.

Unless you look at Italy, there whole team has magic hands.

Rick The Inferno

It’s all gone a bit quiet on the Love It front – despite the opportunity of a first hand account of England’s (forget the B) trouncing by the mighty… who?

As such I’m having a first go at re-entering the consumer society by reconfirming my status as ‘Fifty Quid Bloke’ (in fact £71.94 man) by buying a bag load of vinyl at Sister Ray (formally Selectadisc and now more expensive – another example of the decline of English civilisation).

Amongst the sack of happy listening was the truly bonkers new disc from Scott Walker, a line from which forms the title of this post. I can only recommend everyone buys this slice of post-modern meloncholia and then plays it in a very bright room with an emergency supply of Prozac and pictures of smiling babies to hand. As a pointer towards 2006 FIFA World Cup™ success, he obviously misses a trick with reference to Eire, the boys having been cruelly denied a place on the autobahn traffic jams. However, on other countries the estimable Mr Walker has a number of comments to make.

Cossacks Are offers a nod towards Ukraine’s chances, with the line “Medieval savagery, calculated cruelty” a not so sly dig at their expected defensive tactics.

Clara (Benito’s Dream) has a clear Italian flavour, being concerned with the death of the fat dictator’s girlfriend and her stiff dead body being poked with a stick by a bloke.

Jesse is about Elvis Presley’s still-born twin brother (obviously). Here, Scott is clearly musing on the Great Satan’s chances, with the refrain “I am the only one left alive” an oblique reference to his expectations that USA will be lifting the trophy on July 9th.

I’ve only listened to half of it so far, having switched to Television Personalities’ My Dark Places for a bit of light relief – stupid idea, what with All the Young Children on Crack being the stand out track so far.

So, off to see what the mighty Scott thinks of Tunisia’s chances.

Later… Side 3 kicks off with Cue and the poser “What do Seoul/Sudan have in common?” “Both start with an S”, is his answer, and with only the Koreans making it to the land of the Lederhosen, he’s only right. The Ivory Coast get a direct mention in this song, but his intonation of “the birth of a Vermin Holy Ghost” indicates he doesn’t rate their chances highly.

Hand Me Ups sees the crooner a little confused when assessing Portugal’s chances with the line “No Fado from last year’s winning country”. Scott, they lost in the final, mate. Although on second thoughts, he may be right. Greece don’t have Fado, do they? He’s a genius! I can’t help feeling that the line in this song about “The pee-pee soaked trousers The torn muddied dress” in some way makes reference to Sol Campbell, but I can’t be sure.

Buzzers reflects in some small way on Croatia’s chances, being concerned with Balkan war torture methods (“Polish the fork and stick the fork in – He’s done Boys”). He doesn’t give them a prayer.

Psoriatic mentions the previously un-recognised “anthrax Jesus sack”. Regular references to the East seems to imply he doesn’t give Japan a hope.

He appears to come to some sort of conclusion on the likely semi-finalists on A Lover Loves, with the introduction of Kaiser Bolero and a polka for Tintin. This points to Germany vs Spain and Poland vs France in the final four. (He’s made the schoolboy error of not realising the spikey topped hero is from Belgium here.) Controversial, what with there being no South American sides in the shakedown, but there you go. However, he does talk of a Samba for Bambi, so maybe he’s not given up on Ronaldinho and the lads, just yet. Thinking on, maybe he is obliquely inviting us to substitute Brazil for France. Makes sense. Although perhaps the Bambi reference refers us back to his previously mentioned tournament favourites You Ess Eh? What a tease he is.

So there you have it. Scott Walker’s guide to 2006 FIFA World Cup™. I’ll now go and see what the Pet Shop Boys have to say on the matter. Be afraid.

set up the ‘mal donaghy cup’ for all the bloggers, i sent e mails to everyone i had the address for, but jk and mike or anyone else if you email me at robmasonbrown@hotmail.com, i’ll send you the details. the game is on www.metro.co.uk, and it seems like a good’un!

Just bought tickets for Tuesday night at Old Trafford. Taking Tom and my God-Daughter to run the rule over the lads and I’ve also heard that the Puskas fella can play a bit, he’s a name for the future football fans. Full match report to follow, but it is Tom’s face that should be the winner on this one. Question to all who read these passionate pages….How do I convince him that the Deva is really football’s Vatican after he’s been to OT?

De minste vloeiende maar beste spelers in de wereld zullen elk handedly winnen de wereldkop voor zich terwijl daar het danken van team geen partners zoals ware Nederlanders uitkiezen.

Translation: The least fluent but best players in the world will each single handedly win the world cup for themselves whilst not thanking there team mates like true dutchmen.

And the mighty chechs are gonna make sure Ghana and the USA go home in a flaming ambulance.

Can anyone explain how the US are ranked fourth in the world?

Sorry to piggy bag on this particular Dutch Cap (go on, visualise that), but here’s the other chance prove your footie worth…

http://www.fantasyfussball.com/

Try the Lucky Dip!

So, after an initial flurry of excitement and postings, the gap between now and the start of the World Cup means a rather dry period of musings and attempts to goad others. I can only assume that everyone is busy researching stuff like the gross domestic product of Tunisia. However, a couple of administrative matters need resolving.

Who set up the website? It’s very good and it would appear it is Rob we have to thank. In that case please send pics to him. If it isn’t you, let us know Rob.

On the website, where will postings take place – here or there? I think here as it’d easier (for me) to log in. But I see there is a case to transfer the lot to the website. Views.

Most importantly, it seems that we still have a lot of orphan teams – what of the Dutch, for instance. Or have people been put off by Ruud’s petulance? It seems as though a wider audience is yet to be found to take up the remaining teams. Any ideas.

Anyway, off to watch Gerrard get his customary injury in the final. Here’s a picture from JK…

Allah Loves Iran

PS – Waste 10 minutes here…

http://www.vivalavolley.com/