I’d Love It If We Beat Them, Just Love It

It’s all gone a bit quiet on the Love It front – despite the opportunity of a first hand account of England’s (forget the B) trouncing by the mighty… who?

As such I’m having a first go at re-entering the consumer society by reconfirming my status as ‘Fifty Quid Bloke’ (in fact £71.94 man) by buying a bag load of vinyl at Sister Ray (formally Selectadisc and now more expensive – another example of the decline of English civilisation).

Amongst the sack of happy listening was the truly bonkers new disc from Scott Walker, a line from which forms the title of this post. I can only recommend everyone buys this slice of post-modern meloncholia and then plays it in a very bright room with an emergency supply of Prozac and pictures of smiling babies to hand. As a pointer towards 2006 FIFA World Cup™ success, he obviously misses a trick with reference to Eire, the boys having been cruelly denied a place on the autobahn traffic jams. However, on other countries the estimable Mr Walker has a number of comments to make.

Cossacks Are offers a nod towards Ukraine’s chances, with the line “Medieval savagery, calculated cruelty” a not so sly dig at their expected defensive tactics.

Clara (Benito’s Dream) has a clear Italian flavour, being concerned with the death of the fat dictator’s girlfriend and her stiff dead body being poked with a stick by a bloke.

Jesse is about Elvis Presley’s still-born twin brother (obviously). Here, Scott is clearly musing on the Great Satan’s chances, with the refrain “I am the only one left alive” an oblique reference to his expectations that USA will be lifting the trophy on July 9th.

I’ve only listened to half of it so far, having switched to Television Personalities’ My Dark Places for a bit of light relief – stupid idea, what with All the Young Children on Crack being the stand out track so far.

So, off to see what the mighty Scott thinks of Tunisia’s chances.

Later… Side 3 kicks off with Cue and the poser “What do Seoul/Sudan have in common?” “Both start with an S”, is his answer, and with only the Koreans making it to the land of the Lederhosen, he’s only right. The Ivory Coast get a direct mention in this song, but his intonation of “the birth of a Vermin Holy Ghost” indicates he doesn’t rate their chances highly.

Hand Me Ups sees the crooner a little confused when assessing Portugal’s chances with the line “No Fado from last year’s winning country”. Scott, they lost in the final, mate. Although on second thoughts, he may be right. Greece don’t have Fado, do they? He’s a genius! I can’t help feeling that the line in this song about “The pee-pee soaked trousers The torn muddied dress” in some way makes reference to Sol Campbell, but I can’t be sure.

Buzzers reflects in some small way on Croatia’s chances, being concerned with Balkan war torture methods (“Polish the fork and stick the fork in – He’s done Boys”). He doesn’t give them a prayer.

Psoriatic mentions the previously un-recognised “anthrax Jesus sack”. Regular references to the East seems to imply he doesn’t give Japan a hope.

He appears to come to some sort of conclusion on the likely semi-finalists on A Lover Loves, with the introduction of Kaiser Bolero and a polka for Tintin. This points to Germany vs Spain and Poland vs France in the final four. (He’s made the schoolboy error of not realising the spikey topped hero is from Belgium here.) Controversial, what with there being no South American sides in the shakedown, but there you go. However, he does talk of a Samba for Bambi, so maybe he’s not given up on Ronaldinho and the lads, just yet. Thinking on, maybe he is obliquely inviting us to substitute Brazil for France. Makes sense. Although perhaps the Bambi reference refers us back to his previously mentioned tournament favourites You Ess Eh? What a tease he is.

So there you have it. Scott Walker’s guide to 2006 FIFA World Cup™. I’ll now go and see what the Pet Shop Boys have to say on the matter. Be afraid.

Tags: Travel

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