Crossing the Channel & ‘Out Both Ends’
I just got back from a 3 day adventure where I was part of a 3 man crew that sailed a 30ft Yacht from Poole, England to Cherbough, France across one of the most heavily trafficed pieces of international water in the world, The English Channel. Both there and back were night voyages so we had to take two hour turns on watch, piloting the ship while the others got some rest.
On watch you have to be vigillant for other ships to avoid collisions. Falling asleep is not an option, since you basically have other peoples lives in your hands. Its pretty cold actually so it’d be pretty hard to fall asleep. You could easily get run down by another larger ship if they didn’t see you, or courses were miscalculated, etc. The ship is outfitted well for night voyages and I was able to get familiar with the navigation equiptment fairly quickly. There was alot of equiptment – GPS, radar, NCIS radar, radio, compass, as well as depth, speed, and wind gauges. But these things as well as how to tie a few simple knots were all fairly easy to get a hang of. I also had to wear complete wet weather gear, more for the cold actually since the seas we mild.
It was amazing being out on the open water at night. For two nights I watched the sun go down and the moon come up, as well as the sunrises over the ocean. One of the best parts was coming onto deck at night and being the sole night watchman. Its only you and an expanse of sea under the stars and moon, which shine incredibly bright out on the open sea.
One of the most halarious and discusting incidents of my life occured aboard ship during the voyage from England to France. The captain was on watch when he was suddenly overwhelmed by the need to evacuate his bowels. He made way for the ships latrine and as he was evacuating disaster struck and, in what after further inquiry, seems to have happened in equal propulsion, he vomited whilst evacuating his bowels.
Now, as horrible as this is, its not the worst of it. In a valliant effort to not spew all over the bathroom any more than had already been accomplished, he then got on his knees (kneeling in his own puke) and figured that he’d empty the rest of his stomach into the toilet. Unfortunatly, as he did so disaster once again reared its ugly head and dealt another blow. As hes puking, in what after further inquiry, seems to have happened in equal propulsion, he exited his stomach, yet again, out both ends. Again.
So, the puke that was spewed forth at first was all over the wall and floor, but the shit was at least in the toilet. The second time ruined everything, however, and the fecal matter was added to the puke on the wall and floor. wow. just wow.
I’m in my bunk and he calls down ‘hey! look down there’ and shines a light over into the corner of the bathroom area. I look down and see this rancid sight, and furthermore smell the most horrific disgusting stench, which would continue to permeate the cabin for quite some time. It was halarious. So we are dying laughing, just losing it. Just being there where the evidence was still shown and having him recount the details whist yelling and laughing about it was priceless.
It may have to do with the fact that we ate in this sequence – nearly a whole roasted chicken, a whole box of cherries, a bag of pistachios, creamy tomato soup, a bag of mixed fruit and nuts, some questionably dated wheat bread. Not to mention that at about 3 in the morning the night previous, this man had mad himself a personal feast of 6 lamp chops, 3 eggs, a large salad, another whole box of cherries, and a pint of grape juice. I’m fairly convinced that this portion was still resident in his bowels at the time of evacuation/vomiting. Hence the melange of smells and toxic fumes that resulted.
Anyway, this in no way took apart from the joy of the voyage. We all laughed uproariously and continued on. French food is really nice. We didnt stay in France that long, however, and proceeded back to England making it 2 crossings of the English Channel by yacht in well under 72 hours.
Tags: Travel, yacht, Tag Index
J
July 14th, 2006 at 10:04 pm
ha… quite an adventure.
July 17th, 2006 at 10:08 am
Too funny. Good thing I hadn’t eaten before I read this!