feel a burning sensation
Sunday, January 8th, 2006in the seat one up and to the right of me is a woman who i saw yesterday at the ticketing office. she annoyed me with her futile attempts to draw me into speaking. uninteresting and banal comments and unsuccessful attempts to establish eye contact.
she has also bought a ticket for the 7 hour bus ride from Siem Reap to the capital of Cambodia, Phnom Phen, and now she sits across the way. i think shes dyed her hair from the last time i’ve seen her. the blond makes her look even more birdlike, her weak neck extending her head in plaintive knods to the locals as she tires to convey her aquiessance through wide eyes and apologetic hand motions.
i reach behind my head and with one swift motion, draw my sword in a downward arc, severing her head. my default expression [a determined scowl] remains unchanged.
i go back to listening to a band of mine called ‘Murder By Death’. Brilliant name. they sing about the Devil invading a town in the old west. i make a mental note to be myself. so very tired of responding with half smiles and forced laughter. with this i must also abandon all hope of companionship, which at this point is perfectly acceptable. no need to cater. ‘get on with it, can’t you see its time to quit’ – the lyrics ring true.
in a few days i will attempt to abandon all niceties and unnatural/untruthful body language and expression, verbal or otherwise. the only exception being acting for personal safety. where this will leave me is uncertain, probably alone, but the process is now necessary. theres no point if you’re faking. at the same time, questions remain. right away, though, a change, and the answers become unimportant.
i’m not too much of a fan of bird people, and when we stop about 4 hours into the ride i notice that the bird-bitch is also pear shaped. i set off for the food, point at a pot of brown stew, which i receive in a bowl along with a plate of rice. Unfortunately the stew is scraps of pig, mostly skin, some pieces still have hairs on them, so i just concentrate on the unidentifiable vegetables, which i fear may actually be another part of the poor beast they roasted for this stew. i proceed to tear into the rice, first adding the requisite hot sauce.
J