Marine Proteced my Arse!
When we purchased our bus ticket in Saigon we were offered for an extra $3 a day trip out to the islands off the coast of Nha Trang to do some snorkeling and swimming. Nha Tran was our first stop on the bus ride north as you probably already read. It is pretty much a resort town for western tourists. So on the boat trip we would get food and drinks…it would be great, so we thought. Me and Andy met a few nice young ladies in Siem Reap that we met up with again in Saigon who bought similar tickets so we thought it would be a great day and a good laugh. Amy, Kim and Lisa are from New Zealand. Kim and Lisa are also sisters. We are all the same age and pretty much spend the day insulting each other until either Andy or Lisa goes too far and then we stop…I never say anything that bad, i’m very polite and kind.
The morning of the boat trip arrived and I sat in my bed and could hear a small voice in my ear saying:
“Stay in bed…don’t go…please…tell Andy you don’t feel well…eat the $3.”
For a split second I almost did but figured worst case scenario it would make for a good blog entry. Me and Andy met the girls at the travel office at just around 8 in the morning where the bus picked us up and beeped it’s way toward the dock. While I was at the office I looked at the pictures on the wall of the boat trip. I saw people smiling. I saw a huge spread of delicious food. I saw people in crystal clear water, laughing, swimming and snorkeling. I saw friendly staff entertaining. What I would actually see on the boat was my life flashing before my eyes.
Pulling up to the dock and getting on the boat my feeling of uneasiness grew. We were crammed on to the boat like refugees with about enough space to not have to sit on someones lap. I got the lucky seat right in front of a massive speaker. We sat on the boat for a good half hour before it pulled away. The whole time I kept telling myself to jump off but I didn’t. The boat pulled away and i swear if this boat went any slower it would have been going backwards. The boat was probably made sometime in 1863. The wood looked like it was going to give way at any second. We were immediatley entertained by some awe inspiring rap music that blasted from the speaker right next to my ear. This music had no business being considered music nevermind being played on this boat. We were probably the youngest ones on the boat, it was mostly an older vietnamese crowd. One song in particular really got the crowd going. I’ll keep it as PG as possible without getting into to much detail. This song, which i’ve heard before as it is an American Rap Classic was about giving oral sex to a woman. The Lyrics go a little something like this:
“Lick my neck, my back…lick my (insert woman’s private area here) and my crack.”
Another good lyric which really got me grooving was this one:
“Lick it good, lick it good just like you should…Don’t stop just do it do it, gotta get your neck into it.”
I do apologize for anyone who get’s offended reading this but you have no idea how embarassing it is to listen to this music. Picture sitting next to your mom and grandmother or perhaps a mother in law. You anxiously sit there and pray that you are not asked what the song is about because the only real option you have is to play dumb and shrug your shoulders with a blank expression.
As we raced toward the islands we were told about what the day would entail. We would go snorkeling, have lunch, get down and funky with some international karaoke, go to a beach and then finish the day at some aquarium.
Our first stop would be Snorkeling. In order to go snorkeling or even get in the water you had to pay 5,000 dong. The particular site we were going to was a Marine Protected Area so i had no problem handing over the money as I knew they are most definitely taking great care of the coral and the surrounding beach. We must have been told about 50 times that it was marine protected. The boat came to a stop and dropped anchor. Right as we were given the ok to go in someone flicked a cigarette butt right into the water…classic moment. Nothing like getting all amped up to hit the water only to try to jump right on someone’s cigarette butt. The big problem, like i’ve explained before with countries here in SE Asia is that they have no knowledge of how to care for the environment. When I saw the cigarette butt get thrown into the water I looked around to see others and then thought that whoever threw it had unbelievable aim to actually hit the water, his chances of hitting another piece of trash were much higher. What the hell where they protecting this place from…fish? coral? clean water? It might as well have been a Trash Protected area. Knowing that my 5000 dong was going to go to helping keep this place dirty would have made more sense. Either way we climbed up to the top of the boat and jumped in. The colors underwater were amazing. At first I thought the reef may have been sponsored by Coca Cola or Marlboro, as those were the only colors you could see underwater. The reef was virtually dead…horrific. I’m so glad they’ve protected it so well.
So after an hour of negative 5 star snorkeling we headed to the other side of this island to have some lunch and do some more swimming. The sea was rough this day and as you can imagine people were blowing chunks all over the place. I kept thinking about the time dad took us fishing with his friend in Boston Harbor and me, dan and jeff all got sick and the guy riding the boat was getting drunker and telling dad to keep the chunks so we could use them for bait.
The younger crowd on the boat moved up to the top to prepare for lunch. As we waited for lunch I looked around at the other boats right next to us. The amount of trash going off the side of the boat was absolutely amazing. Cans, bottles, bags, you name it. It made me sick to see it. Then I watched a guy on another boat dip a bucket of water into the water and then dump it into the toilet in the back of the boat. As soon as he dumped it i noticed a rush of water coming out from the side of the boat, right underneath the toilet. A few seconds later It was a scene from Caddyshack. A few pieces of Baby Ruth came floating by the boat. I looked around and yelled:
“Don’t touch it.”
Ok, I didn’t actually yell anything. However there were loads of people in the water, not too far from it. Seeing the Baby Ruth’s float by, coupled with everyone yacking over the side of our boat and the surrounding boats took away my appetite. After lunch i did what any self respecting tourist would do…I went swimming. Now i’m writing this so you know I have lived to tell about it but there was doubt. In the water we were greeted by a guy pouring wine into these glasses for us. They set up this floating bar and had bottles of wine. The wine was pretty gross but it was free so why not. I felt like I was at a poor man’s springbreak or in Weekend at Bernies. We proceed to drink some wine and get loud and obnoxious to make something of the day. It proved to be the highlight of the day. Right before we got back on the boat the guy who was pouring the wine just chucked it over his shoulder to float away. I swam and grabbed it and gave it to him. Here is what his response was and i honestly think he believes it.
“The bottle is made from sand…it belongs here.”
After that we jumped back on the boat and we made our way to an island where we were let off to go and swim. As we pulled into the dock on this island we were greeted to the leftovers from lunch floating by in the water as we stepped off. Food comes from nature…maybe it just wants to go back to it’s home…sounds logical enough. 45 minutes of fun in the sun and we were back on the boat to finish the day at the aquarium. The Aquarium was an additional charge so we elected to stay on the boat.
The day finnally ended and me and Andy and the girls just laughed as it was one of those classic days that you had to laugh at.
Tags: Nha Trang, Snorkeling, Vietnam
Gagnonius
Brian,
I really enjoyed your story about the marine preserve. It was very funny. In fact, you had me in tears just imagining it. It is sad to think people have no clue about taking care of the environment. I can’t believe you went into the water. The best part is the toilet being flushed in the marine preserve. That is just classic. Anyway, I’m glad to hear your surviving. I look forward to hearing about Hong Kong. It seems like you have been on the road forever. Are you getting tired of it?
Talk to you later.
Mark
Maybe the guy up the cul-de-sac from me is from SE Asia because he throws all of his trash in his front yard which (naturally) ends up down the hill whenever we get thunderstorms. I never thought I’d tell a neighbor of mine to go and (edited for public viewing) himself, but it happened this weekend. I’m considering hiring to Marines or maybe Tony Soprano to take some action. I’m pretty sure nobody would be coming to look for him if he turns up missing.
Sounds like your trip’s been pretty solid so far. I find it humorous that you can change a flight from freaking Vietnam to Hong-Kong for free but changing my flight home by 6 hours costs an additional 125 bucks. Maybe if they’d throw in another bag a peanuts I wouldn’t be so pissy.
Here’s a good story from the most foreign place I’ve been to recently. I went to court in Memphis on Thursday last week. I sued a guy who defaulted on his car contract (a Caddilac Escalade no less). We repoed the car and sued him for the balance. His reason for not keeping up his car payment was because his “baby’s mama” (his words, not mine) thought that he needed to get some new “grills” and he couldn’t make the payments on both. I didn’t know such things existed until Chad let me know a few weeks ago, but in case you don’t know, grills are apparently things you put over your teeth that are (1) gold, (2) siler/platinum or (3) jeweled. Ghetto debtor #41212 preferred the gold with “bling” insert grills. Can’t wait to send the sheriff out to execute against those bad boys.
~Thomas
Once more I have to say it, your blog rocks!
I love reading it and these last 2 once made my stumach hurt for a long time… 🙂
Take care and watch out for overnight busrides, to cheap to be true-boattrips and baby ruth’s and I think you’ll be just fine!
Love Anna
Breaking NEWS from the world:
-Josh Beckett signs a 3 year deal worth $30 mil. Incentive package and a vesting option for a 4th year based on starts.
-Kid Rock and Pam Anderson have announced they are getting married, if those two crazy kids don’t make it, who among us will?
-Carmen Electra and Dave Navvaro are getting divorced. So you still have a chance……with Navvaro.
-Mickey Spillane died the other day.
-Wake went on the DL with a fractured rib last night.
-Shea Hillenbrand was designated for assignment from the Blue Jays, apparently he left the team to go adopt a kid with his wife. The Blue Jays brass was none to pleased he bounced out of town like that. The Sox have been said to not be interested, could a reunion with best pal “Jurrasic” Carl Everett in Seattle be in the cards? They are only 4 out of 1st in the West and could use a guy who could play 1st/3rd.
Oh yeah one of the tunnels in the Big Dig had some celing panels fall and kill a lady in a car, Mitt Romney is now looking to get “Fat” Matt Amarillo out of Mass Port and overhaul the system. I guess they used bolts and epoxy and didn’t screw the bolts into the celing rather then screw them in. More tax dollars down the drain. Worst part is a memo that was filed in 1999 stated that workers installing these huge panels were said to be worried that this would happen.
I’ll keep you up to date with more stuff later.
-Lynch
What a story. I cannot believe you were in that contaminated water. You will probably come down with beri beri or something worse. That is so disgusting. Not, however, quite as disgusting as the rap song. I’m sure your brother Tom never heard that one!
I hope your adventures get better.
Love,
Mom
Yo!
From reading the title, i honestly thought you were going to write about how a young, handsome, xenophobic U.S. marine scooped you in his arms and rescued you from a perilous situation involving ex-vietcong. So when the story turned out to be about a marine ecosystem, man was i relieved. i still don’t understand what the problem was. Aquatic ecosystems are not trash dumps.
Signed,
The lowell and lawrence residents living along the merrimack river who no longer need that washing mahcine, clothes dryer, automatic transmission, boiler, used engine oil, radiator coolant, shingles, sheetrock, litter of kitties and puppies in a trash bag, etc., etc.,
I’m generous with the coments this time, so here comes one more…
I backtracked in your old blogs and found your fantastic poem about crap-tain. It was beautiful 😉 you don’t ever have to think about what career to choose when you come back home, it’s all marked out now, you are the next…. ahhh don’t know any good poets but you know what I mean…
take care
love
anna