There And Back Again

As you all know, I’m working toward my goal to become and extra in the Hobbit, which begins filming next year 2010. If I’m unable to take a year off of work and move there, then I’m going to go down at least a month and try to get into as many scenes as I can,. That’s a given. BUT 2 days ago, I signed the twins and i, up to a return to New Zealand !!!!  December 2011.  Red Carpet tours ( the tour company we went on in 2006) is taking reservations, for their tour for December 2011, anticipating that like with the LOTR Premiers there will be an overwhelming response. They had over 160 people attending.  They are giving everyone an option to reserve your seat, before then. After much mulling and pondering. I sent in my response. The Twins constantly talk of going back, and I knew we would someday, also, its 2 years away, exactly the same amount of time it took for me to raise the money last time,, Its Fate!  Not to mention, the boys will be out of high school, 18 years old, and hopefully have jobs, so they can pay their own way. I do expect them to be attending College, but they should be on Christmas break then..  I wrote Vic and Raewyn James owners of Red Carpet Tours, explaining that IF I don’t make it into the movie, then the next best thing would be to attend the premier. Tom is so excited he is already planning on a Tattoo!!!  Stay tuned, this blog was created to document our trials and tribulations in getting there 2 years ago,, ( that long ago! wow!). I expect the boys to start writing for the blog again, Namarie Max

The new Blog,,, come on over

The start of my Birthday week has begun. Musical Mondays was a blast, Sue and Billy and I, had a great time. Met another famous person. It seems to be a tradition on or around my birthday, when we go to musical mondays, that we meet someone famous. Austin Pendleton, David Mamet, and now this year Thom from Queer Eye for the Straight guy. He was very nice, wished me a Happy birthday ( kissed me twice ) and spoke with us quite a few times throughout the night. Dan being on spring break was able to stay all night with us too. Normally he leaves early, he always has school the next day. Unfortunately no pictures, Darn.

  Thanks Everyone, I had a great time,,,,,,,,,, B

What would you do or say, if you were able to go back in time and talk to a younger you? I had a dream the other night, and believe it or not my dreams are very detailed, but anyway, I had a dream where I went back in time and was able to speak to my younger self.  Here’s the dream in full.  In the dream, I realized where I was and by the look of the cars and the clothes on the people, what year it was. It was then that I hatched a plan to talk to me.  But where would I be, at this place and time, I had to think back and remember who I was in that year. And if you think this is easy try it. Who were you when you were 7 or 11 or even 15? And if you were able to speak to your younger you, would you even listen to you or rather the older person who they wouldn’t recognize and was trying to talk to them. Can you still follow me? Are you still with me? Back to the dream, it will all make sense, I promise (hope?).  Since I figured i was back in the early 70’s. I knew where I lived. and don’t youjust know, I was back in the old neighborhood. I walked the couple of blocks  to my house. on the way and through good reasoning, I determined this was approximately the year, that my family was in a car accident, it wasn’t a bad accident, but it was scary and I remember it as a little boy. But that accident hadn’t happened yet. I saw our old stationwagon in front of the house, and it had no damage. So that placed my agae around 6 or 7. Now if my plan was to work, I had to talk my way past my Mother ( who by the way, would never let a stranger near her kids) , and then have a conversation with a 7 yr old boy, and unfortunately, to convince him of who I was, I was going to have to tell him, that his life was going to get really really bad, in the next few years.  But that everything would turn out ok.  somehow I did talk my way past Mom, and beleive me in my dream my Mother was young and beautiful, just like I remember, but this time I looked at her with MY eyes. And I’m older than her. It was so weird, becuase in my mind, I knew everything. The furniture, the wallpaper, all the same as i remember it. I had to touch the wall! In my dream it was so real. I found myself, all alone and reading a comic boy. To look at myself, face to face, not through a memory was surreal, It felt real! I explained to little Brian, who by the way, was so absolutely cute,  that I don’t remember. We forget how innocent we were. I’d forgotten little things of my childhood. Not the vacations or accomplishments, but the little things, like what I looked like, how I acted, what I liked doing, things that made me happy.  I always enjoyed reading, but I grew to think it was because I wanted to escape my reality. Get away from the pain me. Thats how it always felt, I became a self loather. I hated me. And looking at this little boy. I wanted to hug him and kiss him and tell him to always remember, never forget, no matter how bad it gets, and its gets really bad some days. Some days you will stare at the knife, and think of nothing else. But Always remember, It will be ok. Life does get better. People will come into your life, who will make a difference. Some you will meet and they will become good friends. And some will be born into your life, whom you will love more than anything. These souls will need you! Need you to be funny, and smart,and love them unconditionally and most important they will need your wisdom.Wisdom you will develop because pain and torment and heartache, that you will go through in the coming years. You will forget most of what I tell you. But remember this, don’t forget this. It will be ok.  And you will be Happy someday.  Lil me, looked like he understood ( I was a perceptive child!). And my heart felt lighter,,, Everything is ok. And I’m Happy, today.

Tom has broken his leg.  While his mother and I, were out enjoying the Cancun sun, He took it upon himself to ride his dirt bike and fell. Without a Helmet, I might add (i’m so pissed off). He promised me he would NEVER do that! He broke it in 2 places, above the ankle and below the kneecap. He is so lucky he didnt hurt himself any worse. I told his parents it was time to sell that damn bike, I knew something like this would happen. Kids are kids and boys will be boys etc.  He has a cast all the way to his waist. And he will be off his feet and in rehab most of the spring into summer! There goes any fun plans we might of had.  He has a lot of work to do before Our vacation to The UK this august. I hope he learns a very important lesson from this..  Max

Why be mean and cruel. Is it really necessary. Are you that little that instead of being respectful and kind. You need to resort to unnecessary cruelty. Why be mean to my friends? If you don’t like me fine, I’ll get over it. But to resort to mean-spirited jokes and put downs is really low and immature . I thought you were better than that. I guess I was wrong. I used to be a real good judge of character, but I must be slipping, because I liked you. I had fun spending time with you and wanted to enjoy more. But no more. I don’t need that kind of humor, it’s not funny, EVER.  And its really unprofessional.  Degradation of any kind is so uncool. I have had people degrade me and make fun of me all my life, I refuse to put up with it anymore, EVER.  I like my life and like who I am. I have a wonderful life! I really don’t need nor want anyone in my life, who puts other people down. Why would you think thats funny, especially my friends. We have only been nice and kind to you. And if you treat us like that because you are mad, then you need to grow up. Seriously!  I thought I was treating you with respect. Don’t I deserve the same? Don’t my friends? I realize you are a little, little person, not anyone, I want to be associated with. But mark my words, I won’t make that mistake again.

Brian 

What did you do on that day?

Did you wake up to the alarm clock around 7, stumble out of bed, into the bathroom. Get into the shower. Get dressed, make some eggs for breakfast and then kiss the wife/husband. as you walk out the door.

Or

Hit the snooze button a couple of times, because you were up late putting together the bike for your sons birthday present. and your tired , so tired, but you have that important meeting today, or that deadline that has to get done. so you stumble to the shower. to try and wake up. Grab a quick cup of coffee and head into the office.

Or

Get out of your bed, ( get up ) stumble to the shower, because you have to go to work, even though your life is crumbling down around you, your boyfriend dumped you yesterday, and he was your entire world. why go into work? Because what else do you have. You werent married, no kids and the rest of your family live thousands of miles away!So work is all you have, and maybe just maybe he will call you, today,(please please ) after realizing, you were the love of his life and he can’t live without you ( please, please).

What did you do on your last day of life?

Me? I got on that damn plane!

Plans for France and Paris are in full swing. All reservations have been made. $ days will be spent in Paris. We are trying to nail an itinerary down, so that we can optimize our time. So far, it looks like Eiffel tower, napoleons tomb, nap, seine river night time river cruise for our First day. Then second day, Notre Dame, St Chappelle and the louvre and surrounding area. Too many churches and places to name here, yet. Third day Arc de Triomphe and Champs Elysees and Sacred Coeur in Montmartre. Our fourth and last day is our day trip to Versaille. { I actually watched Marie Antoinette-to see this chateau, terrible movie!}. Then we move on to Mount St Michel, which should be the highlight of the Trip, its an old abbey constructed out in the water. Very cool. From there we are staying 2 nights in a castle. The Chateau de Noizay. A real French Castle !!! Now thats Cool!!! And then our last day is still undecided, we want to play it by ear, either stay another night in the chateau or go back to Paris and see whatever we missed. Our itinerary is much more detailed then written out here. There are about 10 more churches that have history older Than The US! I want to see them all. Tuesday the 10 April, Sue and I have our first French class,, we want to learn as much of the language as we can. I am using this oppurtunity to really motivate myself to learning French, I’ve always to. So who knows. Farewell Max

I miss it. I left my heart there. I haven’t been the same, since returning. Something has changed. I’m becoming haunted by my memories.I still think about it every day. And my desire to return is just as strong today as it was, my first day home. I think it was like lightning in a bottle. I now know what that truely means. Every element, every aspect was exactly how I dreamed it would be. You know, I haven’t watched the movie once, since the return. I normally watched one of the three films religously at least once a week before then, or listened to the music to and from work in my car. But no more. It’s almost like, I’m afraid to face it. The Trip is over! And My life has changed. There is a scene at the end of ROTK, where the hobbits are having a pint at the Green Dragon, everyone around them is, dancing and singing, and making merry and the hobbits look at each other, and know that life for them has changed. The Twins and I re-anacted that scene, when we got home! Life imitating Art!! I think I know why my life is different, and I’ll share my thoughts.

 THE. TOUR. WAS. PERFECT. Finally I was with a group of people of all ages, who loved and were obsessed with LOTR, like me. I could be myself and not stand out, like I normally do. People from all over the World joined with me on a quest and an adventure that changed our lives forever.Different people from all walks of life, all ages, and different countries. Coming together to enjoy a common bond.  Unknown to us,and especially to me,  our journey echoed in some small ways, the journey the fellowship took. We had adventures climbing, snowy mountains, crossing freezing streams, meeting great characters along the way.  Funny thing is, all of us mirrored that Fellowship too. We met Tom Bombadil and Goldberry. We had our own Aragorn and Borimir. Faramir and Eowyn traveled with us. Also Two Hobbits on a quest and of course, Gandalf was there guiding them. We were very far from home, but we had worked so hard to get there and to accomplish this task was monumental and very rewarding.

Also My Boys were with me.  At a time were they still thought I was the coolest person in the whole wide world. I so wanted them to be proud of me. And to learn that no goal or dream is out of reach. Sometimes I would look into their eyes and see a gleam or a smile would break on their faces and I knew, This was everything! And everything was worth it. They are everything to me! 

I know every journey has a profound effect on the people making it. This one did! And someday I will go back. I so much want to see the lakes, and streams and mountains of Middle Earth again.   And someday we will.. Namarie Max