There And Back Again

What would you do or say, if you were able to go back in time and talk to a younger you? I had a dream the other night, and believe it or not my dreams are very detailed, but anyway, I had a dream where I went back in time and was able to speak to my younger self.  Here’s the dream in full.  In the dream, I realized where I was and by the look of the cars and the clothes on the people, what year it was. It was then that I hatched a plan to talk to me.  But where would I be, at this place and time, I had to think back and remember who I was in that year. And if you think this is easy try it. Who were you when you were 7 or 11 or even 15? And if you were able to speak to your younger you, would you even listen to you or rather the older person who they wouldn’t recognize and was trying to talk to them. Can you still follow me? Are you still with me? Back to the dream, it will all make sense, I promise (hope?).  Since I figured i was back in the early 70’s. I knew where I lived. and don’t youjust know, I was back in the old neighborhood. I walked the couple of blocks  to my house. on the way and through good reasoning, I determined this was approximately the year, that my family was in a car accident, it wasn’t a bad accident, but it was scary and I remember it as a little boy. But that accident hadn’t happened yet. I saw our old stationwagon in front of the house, and it had no damage. So that placed my agae around 6 or 7. Now if my plan was to work, I had to talk my way past my Mother ( who by the way, would never let a stranger near her kids) , and then have a conversation with a 7 yr old boy, and unfortunately, to convince him of who I was, I was going to have to tell him, that his life was going to get really really bad, in the next few years.  But that everything would turn out ok.  somehow I did talk my way past Mom, and beleive me in my dream my Mother was young and beautiful, just like I remember, but this time I looked at her with MY eyes. And I’m older than her. It was so weird, becuase in my mind, I knew everything. The furniture, the wallpaper, all the same as i remember it. I had to touch the wall! In my dream it was so real. I found myself, all alone and reading a comic boy. To look at myself, face to face, not through a memory was surreal, It felt real! I explained to little Brian, who by the way, was so absolutely cute,  that I don’t remember. We forget how innocent we were. I’d forgotten little things of my childhood. Not the vacations or accomplishments, but the little things, like what I looked like, how I acted, what I liked doing, things that made me happy.  I always enjoyed reading, but I grew to think it was because I wanted to escape my reality. Get away from the pain me. Thats how it always felt, I became a self loather. I hated me. And looking at this little boy. I wanted to hug him and kiss him and tell him to always remember, never forget, no matter how bad it gets, and its gets really bad some days. Some days you will stare at the knife, and think of nothing else. But Always remember, It will be ok. Life does get better. People will come into your life, who will make a difference. Some you will meet and they will become good friends. And some will be born into your life, whom you will love more than anything. These souls will need you! Need you to be funny, and smart,and love them unconditionally and most important they will need your wisdom.Wisdom you will develop because pain and torment and heartache, that you will go through in the coming years. You will forget most of what I tell you. But remember this, don’t forget this. It will be ok.  And you will be Happy someday.  Lil me, looked like he understood ( I was a perceptive child!). And my heart felt lighter,,, Everything is ok. And I’m Happy, today.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 19th, 2008 at 1:18 am and is filed under Max. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.