Homesickness
Sunday, April 16th, 2006Ack! This should so not be happening! I do not get homesick. I mean, where would I be sick for? California? New York? South Carolina? Arizona? Wyoming (ew, ick, wrong)?
So Why am I suddenly all home-sicky?
I hope, really really hope, that it’s because for the first time, it’s sinking in that if I don’t fuck up here, I get to stay for, get this, 5 years. And that if I do that, I’ll probably be here for most of the 5 years. Maybe run away to the states for one or two of the summers, and I hear it’s allowed now to spend part of the 5th year overseas, but… wow, that’s a long ass time.
Maybe it’s just because I really don’t know that many people here (still, I know, I are lame). Or maybe it’s because it’s a $2000, 17-30 hour flight home. Or maybe it’s because riding into town this morning, to pick up stuff I don’t need, so I can study, I realised that I’m going to be in this dinky ass town for the next 5 years. More if I screw up this semester- so porbably more. I’m in this dinky ass, tiny, nothing really to do town for 5 years. And after this year, I’m going to have even less time to hang out, and travel, and do fun stuff. I kinda wish I could skip this lecture, memorise, boring part of the degree, and jump straight into the “fun” part, where you spend at least *some* of your time interacting with other people/ animals, rather than boring ass textbooks about, oh, chemistry, and angles, and all that stuff I hate.
I don’t know. Maybe I need a mantra. Or two. Or maybe just a list of good things I can have if I just get over it all ready, and work my ass off here- like a job as a vet, and…. I can live in NY, or SF, or… I don’t know, someplace big and fun, with neat museums, and good shoping. Like Paris, France. (not paris, texas, please, dear bob, no!). Ugh. I guess so long as it’s *only* (snort) a 14 or 20 or 28 hour flight to go bug my family, I can deal with it. Sure I can.
So yeah, Miss home, even though I’m not quite sure what home is. Probably pizza, and bartenders I know, and tipping, and doritos. And salsa I can actually buy, and canned black beans. Hmmm… home looks like food to me…
Heck, it could just be that I’m afraid of staying in one place this long- 5 years in the same town has got to be some sort of record for me.
homesickness= bad. Make it go away. Please?
j.
lazyjayn