Christina in China

To risk sounding like a feeling-sorry-for-myself whiner, today was a crappy day.  Crappy in that my not-knowing-what-to-say-in-Chinese-ness feels like it’s out in full force this week.  Crappy in that I got a bunch of the, “Ta ting bu dong!” (“She doesn’t understand!”) sentences said about me.  Crappy in that Lai Laoshi was teaching me very easy sentences that I learned in the first two months here…and also the Chinese grammar terms used to describe said sentences.  Crappy in that the activities I tried to make interesting for my students had them screaming, shrieking, and hitting each other.  And when I finally raised my voice and said, “Be quiet–this is class,” one girl just laughed at me.  When the bell rang, one of the students that’s the most motivated in the class, rolled her eyes, and said, “Oh, what a pity.”  Ah, hurt pride.  They all have this look of resentment that they have to take this class in their eyes. 

So, what did I do?  I cried.  And ate some peanut butter.  And wrote in my journal.  And asked myself if anyone wanted me here.  (This is not a plea for pity or reassurance, by the way.)

And then I went looking for Petrel (I know she gets out of class at 3:10), and we went for a two-hour walk-and-talk, past Lijiao Qiao and the train station, to parts of Zhong Ba that I’d never been to before.  She said she’d been sad, and I said that I’d been sad, and we both explained.  When I saw a student that is inviting me to her house, and she said that she should call the bus driver because he didn’t speak English and I didn’t speak Chinese, I just sighed.

Petrel, love her soul, said, “I think that you and Eunice are independent, and you can speak Chinese and do things yourselves.  You came from the United States to China, so I think that you can buy things from the store.”  I wanted to hug her.

I gave her two chocolate truffle eggs: one for her and one for Future, and I was informed that Future was planning a surprise for me.  At least I don’t know what kind of surprise.

And at the end of the walk, she said, “Hao le ma?”  (Are you better?)  And I said, “Hao le.” 

I’m better.

Tags: China, Crappy days, Teaching, Travel

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 20th, 2006 at 5:27 am and is filed under Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.