Does anyone ever feel ready?
Monday, August 15th, 2005This is one thing I’ve learned: I never feel ready for big events. I never have had this level of serenity and perfect mental and emotional readiness before I start something new and fairly extreme. I just kind of jump in, and life and God kind of carry me along until I’m adjusted to the new pace.
Everyone keeps asking if I’m nervous or excited. I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive, least I hope not. The more stories I hear about evening conversations with students, their eagerness to learn in conversation classes despite frustration with the educational system, the way mountains in the south of China seem to jut up irregularly from the rivers and lakes, and (call me shallow) Chinese food, I’m excited about going. But I’m still nervous, the type of nervousness I get before piano recitals or public speeches or roller coasters, except it’s lasted a week and a half.
I know a fair amount of introductory Mandarin (shopping, traveling, talking about family, making appointments, etc.). I’ve been reading and have crash courses on Chinese history and culture. I’ve worked on a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course. My friends, family, and church congregation have helped me raise a little over $4000. I have textbooks and dictionaries, a Lonely Planet guide and memoirs about China, a journal from Maryellen and my trusty backpack.
About a month and a half ago, I said to Josh, “I have to stand up in a room full of fifty students and teach them English. I can’t do this.” Josh was sitting on my living room couch, eating what I’m sure was either Raisin Bran or an enormous bowl of ice cream, and he looked up at me and evenly said, “Don’t you think you should have thought of this before?” Then he went back to eating whatever was in the bowl. It was classic.
A little bit about my excursion: I’ll be in Akron, Pennsylvania, for a week at Mennonite Central Committee headquarters with about 60 other people who are going to various placements in Eastern Europe, Asia, Africa, Central and South America, and the Caribbean. (I actually had never given the Mennonites any thought at all until I started researching different service organizations last summer. Oddly enough, I ended up going to a Mennonite group at college during my last year.) After that, I fly from Philadelphia to London and from London to Beijing, where I’m going to have some time to get over jet lag, sightsee a bit, and have an orientation to China with a couple named Rod and Kathi Suderman, who are country directors for China Educational Exchange, the program I’m serving with.
After all this travel, I will end up in Jiangyou, a “village” of 120,000 people, in Sichuan province in southwestern China, teaching at Jiangyou Normal School, taking classes in Mandarin, and living with a Chinese host family. I’ll be teaching English conversation classes to English majors who will be secondary school teachers in rural provinces after they graduate. (Side note: According to Josh’s friend Anna, who lived in China, the word “jiangyou” means “soy sauce” in Mandarin. Interesting….)
I know that everyone hates to get mass emails, so I’ll be updating this blog occasionally with stories and pictures. (Prepare for stories about amusing and ridiculous language faux pas and all that.) You can post comments in the comments box, so feel free to stop in and say hi!