a i m l e s s

Crystalline waters, silken white sands, hardly anybody around, coconuts, yoga, meditation, monkeys, and me.  This is where I’m holing up the next month to study and practice being happy and joyous.  I can’t imagine it will be that much of a struggle.  🙂 

Coming soon: (6/28) Bye Thai, Hello India!

Yai is a thai word.  If you use the correct intonation it means “grandma” in the same way that I say “Oma.”  It’s familiar and lovely, and I’m fortunate to have a lady in my life that I can call Yai. 

Yai is approximately 75 years old.  Her face explodes into laughter, her guttoral low toned voice speaks slowly and jokingly almost all of the time.  Her wig, always cocked on her head, shakes when she laughs.  She has hip pain, and walks slow and with care.  She always holds my hand when we’re out and about.  When we sit close her hand rests on my knee, gently tapping for emphasis.

Yesterday I walked the streets of Surat Thani, my old home, for the first time since my yoga course.  The smells were the same, motorbike exhaust mixed with powdery dirt and menthol talc powder.  As I hummed a tune down Donnok Road I heard Yai’s distinct voice across the street… “Lee-sah?”

Delighted to see a familiar face in a place that had become so unfamiliar, I lifted my sunglasses and tore across the street, dodging a cyclo and a few motorbikes until I sat beside her.  She hugged me like a grandmother should, tightly with some firm back smacks, unsure if I was choking on something or not.  She seemed truly overjoyed to see me; her daughters and grandkids are all spread and busy and she has a lot of free time on her hands.  We chatted in Thai for a bit.  I stumbled through sentences, realizing for the first time how much three months speaking mostly English has affected my previously quite fluent Thai.  “Loo-um mak mak!” I told her, “I forgot a lot!”  She laughed and jovially slapped my upper arm for effect. 

Then she asks me about love.  “Mee fren mai?” she asked my love status directly and with no hesitation.  “Mai mee na kaa…” I slowly answered my single-ness, figuring she was just asking out of curiousity.  At this point in the story, Yai’s eyes are sparkling even more than usual.  She claps her hands together and starts speaking furiously, quickly, a morse code of sounds and facial expressions that I attempt to follow for a few seconds… I understood a few words… son… single… Phuket… thai person.  I ask her to repeat this jumble, and she does, the same way I sometimes see foreigners talk to thai people… deafeningly and slowly.  She hollars that her friend the seamster (is that the masculine form of seamstress?) has a son.  He’s thirty.  He lives in Phuket.  Something about a boat.  He is ‘laaaw mak mak’ and I am intrigued… she thinks I’d match with her friend’s superhandsome son?  Now the seamster is digging through his bag.  “Foh-toh… foh-toh!” Yai calls to me that he has a photo of said handsome man.  The passport sized photo is worn and scratched.  It’s a graduation photo of a young thai boy, about eighteen years old, with a tiny head and huge ears.  I mean HUGE.  He has a quirky smile that suggests he’s a funny guy.  I laughed.  “Laaw mai?” Yai presses to ask me if I think he’s handsome.  “Laaw kaa…” I say yea, but under those circumstances with his father looking on eagerly… what’s a girl to say??

Somehow I got talked into meeting HM the following day, at noon.  I wasn’t sure if I was translating correctly, so the following day I casually showed up late.  Yai was there, in her hero pose, on the floor of the seamsters, sipping something brown and smelling of camphor.  She made motions to me that I needed to put on make-up.  I exclaimed that I don’t like make-up, then I started to actually get more nervous than amused.  I’m going on a blind date!  I want to look good!  I smoothed my skirt down, tucked some wisps of hair behind my ears, straightened my necklace. 

Up walks HM.  He is tall, obviously supremely shy, with a deep voice that I imagined would crack if he said more than two words.  He grew into his ears, but they still protruded from his head in a way that made my hello-smile much more genuine.  I tried to introduce myself, but his befuddled expression and nervous body language led me to understand he doesn’t speak english.  Great.  These sort of things are weird and awkward enough in general, without the language barrier.  For the next three minutes we all sort of sat around in silence.  Seamster, his son, Yai, and I.  Twiddling thumbs, gazing at passing motorbikes, trying to figure out something to say. 

My mind was hysterically laughing.  Why do I put myself in these sort of situations?  I thought a second.  “Just to see what happens,” was the answer I came up with.  Just to have a funny story.  And who knows, maybe this handsome man will have a good heart and learn English and we’ll ride off happily ever after.  I’m not really looking for a fairy tale, to be honest, I’m not really looking for anything, I’m just open to the universal possibilities of every moment.

Back in the seamster’s shop, HM excuses himself and walks off.  PHEW.  Crisis averted.  I ask Yai what was going on.  She croaks out that we’re going together.  Huh?!  Going where, Yai?  Going to eat lunch!  Handsome man is going to get the car!  AHH!  So here I am, pressed in the middle of the back seat of some little car between Yai and some handsome man’s momma.  HM is driving, and seated shotgun is a seventeen year old boy who is acting as a terrible translator.  I mean, really.  It took him about 5 minutes to translate… How…. old…. is…. a… you?  I had already asked and answered this question in Thai previously, so I repeated myself. 

HM was constantly checking me out in the rearview mirror, the only real contact we’ve had thus far.  I felt exploited, in the back of this car, yet it gets worse.  Yai starts asking me questions, in Thai, loudly.  “Do you think he’s handsome?”  “Do you love him?”  “Do you want to go to Phuket with him?”  Ohhhh Yai.  Please shhh, I whisper.  She only repeats them, even louder, more hoarsely.  “Do you think he’s very very handsome?  Do you like him???”  Goodness gracious.  Red-faced, unable to break this HM’s fragile ego, I have no idea how to respond.  I hesitate and consider not speaking… but that would come across as rude.  So I finally respond.  “He’s handsome, but he doesn’t talk to me.  I don’t know if I like him.”  It was the truth.  He wasn’t totally gruesome, I could see myself finding some cuteness in his smile.  Yai didn’t like this answer, she pushed a few more over the top questions onto me, to which I brilliantly responded… “Sorry… I don’t understand!”  Why didn’t I think of that line hours ago???

We arrive at the restaurant and HM hasn’t even attempted to look or talk to me once.  Okay.  So I relax and realize this is just another crazy day in Thailand, nothing to get nervous or worked up about.  We eat some delicious seafood salad (you can’t imagine how yums it is unless you’ve tried it), spicy lemongrass shrimp soup, curry crabs, and rice.  I sat near the end of the table so I did my best to replicate what a good Thai girl should do… pass the plates and spoon and fork… scoop rice for each person… fill empty glasses as they empty… etc.  I was proud of myself in that aspect.  If nothing else I can say I’ve learned Thai social grace.

Most of our meal was spent with everyone staring at me, seeing how I eat.  At first I tried to eat daintily like these skinny little sweet thai things, but who eats crabs daintily??  I got to it, and the staring lessened as everyone realized the deliciousness of the gourmet meal in front of us.  After the meal, I helped Yai to the bathroom.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  It startled me.  I haven’t really seen myself in a mirror in awhile, and it was interesting to feel what I felt.  Comfort, like “Oh, there I am!” 

Returning to our troupe, we walked off.  I tried to offer some money, which was turned down by everyone except Yai.  “Money!  Give me money!” she shrieked, caught up in some laughter.  I didn’t get the joke, and started giving her some baht, but she just shook her head and patted my hand.  “Mai ow, Lissa.”  I don’t want it, Lissa. 

The car ride home wasn’t nearly as excruciating.  We had full bellies, and HM’s mom engaged me in some small talk conversation.  She started talking about Thai people who have ‘black hearts’ and get romantically involved with foreigners for their endless plethora of money.  I laughed.  Maybe they think I’m rich, is that why HM wanted to go to lunch?  I felt his eyeballs in the mirror at me again, but I refused to meet them.  I’m not interested in a one-way romance with someone too afraid to speak to me.  Besides, I reminded myself and those in the car with me, I’m going back to the island tomorrow!

After this three hour shenanigan, I was beat.  Physically drained.  I waved my goodbye to Yai, HM, his mom, his dad, the young boy.  I told them I was going to take a little nap, I was tired.  They understood, and nobody tried to stop me.  Not even HM.

What’s to be learned here?  I learned what I don’t want in a romantic relationship.  I don’t want silence.  I don’t just want a handsome face (with protruding ears.)  It’s reassuring to know that people feel the pressure to settle in and settle down cross culturally.  It was a weirdly amusing experience, and if nothing else, it inspired me to write.  Hope you laughed.  I know I did.

Oh all the money that ere I spent, I spent it in good company.  And all the harm that ere I’ve done, alas it was to none but me.  And all I’ve done, for want of wit, to memory now I can’t recall.  So fill to me a parting glass, “Goodnight and joy be with you all.”  Oh all the comrades that ere I’ve had, are sorry for my going away.  And all the lovers that ere I’ve had, would wish me one more day to stay.  But since it falls into my lot that I should rise and you should not… I’ll gently rise and I’ll softly call… “Goodnight and joy be with you all.”

What is reality but your own sensory perception of that which ‘is?’  My senses are heightened, naturally I might add.  I mean, colors are so bright and beautiful, smells strong and remniscent of emotion, clarity of sound, textures, touch, tastes, are all available at each moment.  I’m glimpsing what it is like to be here now.  Three months for me ended up being the best thing I could ever do for myself; the lessons are endless.  I’m informed, I’m educated, I’m a certified yoga instructor!  Gratitude to all my teachers, from all walks of life, put into my life to guide me along this jungle path.

The Golden Nuggets (and how they were learned):

• The universe always delivers.  (Getting what I am intended to receive, always.) 
• Beauty lies the struggle.  (Yorron taught me this.)
• The magic of the moment is within me.  (The illusion of love spells.)
• Sense gratification is merely perpetuating the enslavement to desire.  (Benzy, chocolate museli bars and smokes.)
• Above all, allow to be.  (Homie G.)
• Love is bliss, so enjoy every second of it, wherever you find it.  (Selina <3)
• Never give up.  (My good old sensei)
• Are you breathing?  (David)
• Awareness, action, then mastery.  (Karl, thank you!)
• Every moment is a chance to recreate yourself.  (Des)
• Thoughts embraced by emotion and intention creates manifestation.  (Marnie, Michelle, everyone really)
• In the face of fear, breathe into your heart.  (Kyndra the mermaid)
• Be soft, gentle, draw back your claws.  (My white tiger)
• All good things in moderation, moderation in moderation.  (Life and Ari)
• Offer love and compassion in the face of suffering.  (Everyone)
• Aham sat chit ananda; I am truth beauty and bliss.  (Marina)
• It’s perfect.  Every moment is perfect.  (Michelle)

 We are all unique beautiful creatures with some unfortunate habits, but we have power in the struggle to acknowledge the beauty and mportance of emotion, social interaction, and community.

 It’s all coming together, spiderwebs of spirograph connections.  To really integrate, I’m going to hole up in a tent on a beach for awhile.  For the selfish/selfless quest to give appropriate time and space for expansion.  Next stop, India and Nepal! 

We did some affirmations for Valentines day.  Today is really special, something with the alignment of Jupiter and Mars and the moon in the house of Aquarious or something.  It’s a good idea, you can try it too.  Here are mine.

I am a loving, healthy, and totally balanced creature.  I am manifesting pure love and divine contentment for my family, friends, and each beautiful spirit who has passed under this pyramid.  I speak my truth.  I manifest pure love for mom, dad, and bubs.  I manifest pure self love for me.  I appreciate and love and spread this buzzing rainbow-flavored goodness all around me to all who I meet.  I love, love, love.  I surrender my control to the universe to take care of me.  I trust I will find my partner in love and life when I am fully ready and aware… when it’s meant to be.  I believe and I feel.  And I love.  I really do!

Happy Valentines Day!

The Itinerary:

1/14/09 – Surin to Sangka (Thailand) =50k
Sweet paved road, Mike glided ahead of me on his new TREK.  We were both uber excited about this adventure!
1/15/09 – Sangka to Anlong Veng (Cambodia) =60k
Crazy hill up up up then down down down!  As soon as we entered Cambodia the road changed to dirt.  Red dusty dirt that makes you think you’re tan; but you’re just dirty.  You breathe it, it gets in your eyes, ears, nose, mouth.  The road was bumpy and full of construction.  The roadside vegetation was half reddishbrown and half green.
1/16/09 – Anlong Veng to Sa-aem = 82k
Same road, looooong day. 
1/17/09 – Sa-aem to LOST to Preah Vihear = 55k
Day of bad luck.  Mike’s bike broke, we got lost, and rode up to our guesthouse in the dark.  We did have two military angels guide our way over the rediculously potholed sandpits they were calling ‘roads.’
1/18/09 – Preah Vihear to Choam Khsan = 55k
A short sweet day.  We decided to hang here a few days and do some motorbike remote temple exploring. 
1/21/09 – Choam Khsan to Kulen = 84k
Went about 60k with no houses or shops.  Did I mention Mike lost his water bottle on this day?  We were thiiiiirsty!
1/22/09 – Kulen to Sroyong = 20k
Spent the remainder of the day biking around Koh Ker temples.
1/23/09 – Sroyong to Nearby Village = 50k
Met a young Khmer guy who offered us a room in his home for the night.  His brothers were there and invited us to eat delicious homecooked dinner.  Fish, rice, all kinds of sauces and curries and yum.  We slept on a wooden bed.  It was wonderful!
1/24/09 – Village to Siem Reap = 36k
An exciting day to go to the city!  Stayed in the city a week and some waiting for visas to go through.  Did yoga, an 8 day lemon fast, and partied with Angkor Association of the Disabled a bit.  Cycled the big temples for one day.  Mike took most of the pictures, I’ll post them when I can get them from him some day.

Now: 
Mike’s continuing his cycling journey solo through southern Laos and up into northern Thailand. 

And me?!? I’m going to learn about chakras and yoga in the jungle of Koh Phangan island!!! 

See you in three months!  xoxoxxoxo
!!LOVE!!

Just off the train, 4:30 a.m. Surin, Thailand. 

Can’t sleep, too excited to get going.  So what do I do?  Go.  Dropped my saddlebags at the nearest hotel, reserved a room for the evening, and through the moonlaced early morning I peddled my heart out.  Flew my way instinctually through town, drawing in towards water, trees, open land.  Drawing down the moon. 

Eventually, I came across a market.  The cool morning air permeated the new purple fleece I was wearing, so in need of some warmth before the sun rises I park and wander around the flourescent light and steam filled canopies that lace the street.  An oasis in a traveler’s desert.  All kinds of fresh yummy things.  Piles and piles of fresh brightly colored fruits, dried roasted meat on sticks, rice noodle sweet treats filled with who knows what, noodles boiling over a wood burning fire.  I opted for some cha rawn (hot thai tea with loads of sweetened condensed milk) and a sort of delicious fried dough.  I sat on a wooden plank amidst dead fish and squids on ice and watched the lady shopkeeper brew my tea and pour it at a perfect angle from two feet up in the air.  A spectacular thing to view before the sun is up in the morning. 

Cute young thai boys with faux-hawks and black clothing gawk at me; the weird foreigner.  The shopkeeper and I get involved in a little small talk, I pay my 10 baht bill, and run out from under the awning to see a lit sky.  Not lit, like fire alight.  But lit like glow in the dark paint.  The sun hasn’t risen over the mountains just yet but the sky is almost blinding me with it’s brilliance. 

And I wrote:  “I’m alive.  I’m feeling things that pulse through my veins and keep me buzzing.  I’m so grateful for this chance at life.  I really am.  No joke.”

I have more to tell, more to write, more to jumble up and confuse the hell out of any reader.  But today I’m going to wait.  I’m going to get a massage.  A cambodian massage.  Why?  Because my lovely ever-thoughtful family sent me tons of birthday and christmas money… without even realizing that YES I CAN use my dollars in Cambodia!  And massages are only 4$! 

After this said massage I am going to hang out with some disabled Cambodian people.  I haven’t really met them yet, but I went to a party at their house last night.  The dancing was rediculous; the choice of music even more so.  I had a ball, they folks were great dancers… full of so much energy. 

Most of the people who live there are disabled from UXOs or bombs.  During the Vietnam war America thought a lot of the communists were hiding in Cambodia (and Laos… and Vietnam…)  So we dropped a bunch of bombs.  But lots didn’t go off.  And now they’re know as UneXploded Ordinances (UXOs.)  Many people have gotten blown up and killed since then, which they say isn’t so bad.  But they say getting blown up and surviving is way worse.  Khmer people believe if something bad happens to you in this life, it’s because you were really bad in your previous life.  They believe you deserve it.  Even if you’re a baby with one arm.  Even if you develop polio.  Even if you stepped on a bomb the American’s dropped and you are now a double amputee.  They are shunned from the community and left to beg on the dirty streets.  There are some NGOs here to help these bomb survivors get their lives back into some sort of order.  They teach them English and different skills.  Some dance and sing.  Some play music.  Some can make stuff.  They’re just real people under unfortunate circumstances.  It’s not fair

And the worst part?  All the bomb clearing companies who are trying to help are from: Japan, France, Korea, England, etc… (don’t you think the people who made the mess should clean it up?  But they don’t.) 

I’m mad at America.  I’m mad about all that.

But I’ll do what I can do.  We all do.  I want to save everyone sometimes.  Don’t we all? 
I can’t forget to remember to help myself first. 

I’m safe by the way!  No worries!  I’m happy and healthy!  I’ll write the bike journey stuff soon.  Lovelalalovelove you!

What a crazy month!  I’ve been surrounded by love and east coast pride for the last few weeks.  I can’t describe what it has been like to ‘tawk’ and ‘wawk’ and drink ‘wudder’ and ‘cawfee’ with these amazing folks.  Aimee arrived from Korea for her one week winter break.  We spent most of our time laughing, singing, and interupting the hell out of each other.  Lovely girl that Aimee, thanks Sara Casey!

 Genevieve arrived on new years eve morning.  She ran off the runway of the airport and nearly knocked me over with the biggest grandest hug I’ve ever received.  Oh, we’ve had a great time, despite her many ‘accidents’ (we keep joking we’re going to get her a bubble.)  In the last week and a half she’s sprained her ankle walking, busted her knee, got a terrible sunburn, and got some sort of inner bone pain (that we’re still not sure what it is).  Mike and I have been taking care of her, and she’s been loving the beach, massages, and curry.  She said to me just today, ‘You know, I can’ finally see why you haven’t come home!’  She loves it here.

 And now, it’s time to depart.  I’m off on another adventure, a Cambodian cycling solo mission.  I just packed up my cammo saddle bags and cleaned out my room at Pi Eet’s house.  As my time in Surat comes to a close, I can’t help but remember all the crazy folks I’ve met and the fantastic adventures that have ensued.  I love this place and the people.  I am already pretty sad to leave, but the excitement getting back on the road with velo is cancelling it out.  I’m going to stay around Preah Vihear in northern Cambodia, where there are lost hidden Angkor Wat temples that are just dying for me to discover them.  I know it.  After I renew my visa in Phenom Penh, it’s PYRAMID TIME! 

 Yoga yoga yoga!  Oh how I love yoga!  And bicycles!  And singing!  And LIFE!  I REALLY LOVE LIFE!  And you!  I love you too!!!

Joanna Newsom – Sawdust and Diamonds 

 From the top of the flight
Of the wide white stairs
Through the rest of my life
Do you wait for me there?

There’s a bell in my ears
There’s a wide white row
Drop a bell down the stairs
Hear it fall forever more
Hear it fall forever more

Drop a bell off of the dock
Blot it out in the sea
Drowning mute as a rock
Sounding mutiny

There’s a light in the wings
Hits this system of strings
From the side while they swing;
See the wires, the wires, the wires

And the articulation
In our elbows and knees
Makes us buckle and we couple in endless increase

And the little white dove
Made with love, made with love
Made with glue and a glove and some pliers

Swings a low sickle arc
From its perch in the dark
Settle down
Settle down
Settle down my desire

And the moment i slept
I was swept up in a terrible tremor
Though no longer bereft, how i shook
And i couldn’t remember
And then the furthermost shake
Drove a murdering stake in
And cleft me right down through my center
And i shouldn’t say so
But i know that it was then or never

Push me back into a tree
Bind my buttons with salt
Fill my long ears with bees
Braying ‘please, please, please,
Oh you ought not!
No you ought not!’

And then this system of strings
Tugs on the tip of my wings
Cut from cardboard and old magazines
Makes me warble and rise like a sparrow

And in the place where i stood
There is a circle of wood
A quarter to which you chop and you stack in your barrow

And it is terribly good
To carry water and chop wood
Streaked with soot, heavy booted and wild-eyed

As i crash through the rafters
And the ropes and the pulleys trail after
And the holiest belfry burns sky high

And then a slow lip of fire
Moves across the prairie with precision
While somewhere with your pliers and glue
You make your first incision
And in a moment of almost unbearable vision
Doubled over with the hunger of lions
‘Hold me close’, cooed the dove
Who was stuffed now with sawdust and diamonds

I wanted to say ‘why the long face?’
Sparrow perch and play songs of long face
Burro buck and bray songs of long face
Sings ‘i will swallow your sadness and eat your cold clay
Just to lift your long face’
And though it may be madness, i will take to the grave
Your precious long face
& though our bones they may break & our souls separate
Why the long face?
And though our bodies recoil from the grip of the soil
Why the long face?’

In the trough of the waves
Which are pawing like dogs
Between pale-faced and grave
As i write in my log
And then i hear a noise from the hull
Seven days out to sea
And it is the damnable bell
And it tolls, i believe, that it tolls
It tolls for me!
And it tolls for me!

And though my wrists and my waist
Seem so easy to break
Still my dear i would have walked you to the edge of the water

And they will recognise
All the lines of your face
In the face of the daughter, of the daughter, of my daughter

And darling we will be fine
But what was yours and mine
Appears to be a sandcastle that the gibbering wave takes

But if it’s all just the same
Then say my name, say my name,
Say my name in the morning so that i know when the wave breaks

I wasn’t born of a whistle
Or milked from a thistle at twilight
No, i was all horns and thorns
Sprung out fully formed, knock-kneed and upright
So enough of this terror we deserve to know light
And grow evermore lighter and lighter
You would have seen me through
But i could not undo that desire

Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh desire
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh desire
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh desire milkymoon

From the top of the flight
Of the wide white stairs
Through the rest of my life
Do you wait for me there?

Nothing lasts forever.  Anicca.  Anicca.  Anicca.  Everything is constantly changing.

Go with the flow, let whatever happens… happen.

Don’t get attached, it leads to misery.

Remember Mrs. Havisham.  Despising all men, and hurt beyond conscious comprehension?  FOREVER?  In her decrepit rotting wedding gown?

 Trust.  But know that, above all, all you have is YOURSELF. 

And in trusting in your innermost self, you will be okay. 

Because no matter what you choose, everything will be okay.

Obviously speaking… life is change.  This past month EVERYTHING is changing.  I’m entering a no-man’s-land that some may refer to as ‘late twenties,’ which includes re-evaluating all the decisions and experiences in the past 25 years as well as preparing “a plan” for the next 25.  I am generally a planless sort of girl, but lately I’ve been more motivated (thankfully!)  Another big change is that I have a full-time companion from the states.  My friend Mykal (don’t you know him?) arrived on Halloween and will be staying in Surat for the next month or months (he’s not sure, he likes it) to generally look around, learn, travel, and help out where he can (as well as enjoy the pleasure of my company.  Ha ha ha.) 

Bye bye lonelillies.  Not that I was excruciatingly lonely before he arrived, but I was feeling the bits of thorns and bramble that you often experience when you stumble off your path.    So, I found my paved road again, and it was there all along, as it always is.

 Of course questioning decisions comes along with analyzing the past.  I sometimes envision my life if my decisions were different.  Only, without remorse, because IT IS WHAT IT IS.  I’ve learned a ton, and I feel happy in the moment.  If I don’t, I meditate on it.

Today, the future is the biggest challenge in my mind.  I don’t know what’s in store for me.  I want a lot of different things.  My family and friends want a lot of different things for me, too.  I have time to figure out ‘it all’, and am reminding myself this whenever I feel overwhelmed.

For Halloween (and our birthday) Mykal and I went to Khanom with a crew of other farang.  We traveled in two VW buses, mixing endless buckets and listening to endless reggae covers.  After a swim and a nap, a few girls and I transformed into Thai schoolgirl zombies.  We bought the costumes at the real school uniform shop, and I must admit, we looked pretty disgusting!  (Though, nothing compared to last year… Oh KOREA!)

We won a costume contest, 3rd place, the prize being a bottle of Sangsom rum which was immediately taken care of.  After a bit of dancing and socializing, we headed back to the beach where we had previously set up camp.  The stars were brilliant and popping out of the blackness like braille.  The sea was calm and warm.  We swam to John Mayer softly flowing from the vans as well as the snap and crackle of a big coconut wood bonfire.  The phospherescence (sp?) was magical in the water.  Every time you moved, like a wizard with a wand, your movements trailed blue silver sparkling bits. 

I felt suspended between the vastness of the universe and the unknown mysteries of the space around me.  Time, age, future, planning, past… it all disappeared.  I was entranced.

And now.  I’m warming up to the idea of having a constant Jersey-speaking companion.  My ideas are being challenged and I’m certainly feeling inspiration as my Pyramid yoga course start date draws nearer (February 4!).

Thank you for all your love and support.  I had so many emails  and love notes on my birthday.  I feel totally blessed to have such beautiful caring people in my life.  Thank you!  Even though I’m not there, I think of you all the time.  Always in my heart, and with me through ‘it all!’  LOVE golden LOVE!

 xoxoxo