Canada to Patagonia at a Worrying Age

Could be another commentary one. Wonder if it’ll last the full ninety minutes. For non-football minded I’ll attempt to include some snippets of Bolivian life.

Sitting in room 218 of The Rosario Hotel on a cold and wet day (having dodged the tear gas in central La Paz) watching United attempting to overcome the mighty Burton Albion.

Ole is the captain. Mmm. Why not play a full-strength team? It’s not as though we have European ambitions. From here it sounds as though Burton are outsinging us in the Manchester rain.

3 Mins – Close shave already as their number nine gets a header in.

6 Mins – First real attack and Saha couldn’t miss. Hurray. But didn’t the Lille game start like this?

10 Mins – Corner to Burton. Did you know you can get dried llama foetuses from street markets here? You’re meant to bury them under the foundations of new buildings for luck. Do you think Arsenal have chucked half a dozen in the footings of the new Iraq Stadium?

14 Mins – Appalling through ball by O’Shea comes to nought.

18 Mins – Eat a plum. Quite nice, but slightly bitter near the stone. Rossi loses ball.

23 Mins – Young Rossi pops one in. As Nigel’s dad might have said –‘Well done young man’. Why couldn’t we do this in the first game?

32 Mins – I see their captain is called Darren Stride.

38 Mins – Free kick to Burton. If it’s an expensive new building you’re meant to put llama lambs in the foundations. They’re more expensive, but worth the extra. Do you think David Dein put his hands a bit deeper into his pockets for the Abu Dhabi stadium?

43 Mins – Throw in to United. By now, Ang and Paul will be drunk on gin, having left Alexander to fend for himself at home. Poor mite.

44 Mins – Saha through on goal. Doesn’t score. Someone put him out of his misery and sell him to Leeds.

Half Time. Think I’ll go and get a Bounty.

No chocolate for me. Picked up some puffed wheat from reception instead. Torrential downpour has slackened off to persistent rain.

47 Mins – Saha wastes another attack. I got my hair cut yesterday, you know. At one point it looked as though it was going to resemble that of Joe Brown in the early 70s. As it is it’s gone a little bit Steven Gerrard.

52 Mins – Left foot flyer from Richardson bursts the onion bag! Well done. Commentator very excited by that. I open a can of Pacena ‘centenario’ beer.

62 Mins – Treble substitution brings Neville onto the pitch. Gary Neville is a Red, you know. He hates Scousers. I believe were playing them this weekend. United now sleepwalking to ninety minutes.

65 Mins – Saha through on goal. Doesn’t score. Fergie’s reaction says it all.

68 Mins – Giggs shows Saha how it’s done. Lovely goal, deft touch from Rossi.

77 Mins – Saha controls ball and passes to own team-mate. Fair’s fair.

81 Mins – Gary ignores the open Saha to blast wide. Understand, Gary. This hotel’s costing £16 a night. Other travellers think I’m mad, although with free puffed wheat always on tap, I think I’ve made the right decision.

88 Mins – M56 must be busy by now, judging by the pictures. There’s a team in Bolivia called The Strongest, you know. Unfortunately, they’re not. Still, they’ve got a good kit. I tried to buy the shirt today. 43 quid! They can sod off.

90 Mins – Man of the match Rossi ends a fine performance with a superb blast from the edge of the box. Fergie proved right yet again.

Now bring on the mighty Wolves. Who’ve Leeds got in the next round again? I think it important that we continue to raise the issue of Arsenal having buried llama babies in the foundations of the Qatar stadium. Cruel Gooners!

Time for a quick snooze, I think, and then the continuing search for the decent South American pizza.

Night all.

PS – here´s that picture of the shoeshine boy

Tags: Travel

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