I blessed the snow down in Africa?
Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006As I boarded the plane in Hong Kong with my stale and sweaty smelling t-shirt I prayed for cooler weather in Johannesburg. The constant sweating and jock itch were getting on my nerves. I swear this trip should be sponsored by gold bond triple action medicated powder.
As for the plane ride, it was 13 hours and pretty painless. I had pasta with veggies for dinner and an omelette with fruit and yogurt for breakast, not bad. I had my own tv screen with abuot 50 channels of movies, sitcoms, sports, and whatever else you can imagine. I think i roughly flipped through all the stations about 521 times.. I watched a show about argentina football, or soccer. I watched some of Rush Hour with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. I watched Friends. I watched “the office.” Then I watched friends again. Now maybe some of you have noticed this but i’m gonna bring it to your attention if you haven’t. I’m not a huge fan of the show but it does get a laugh out of me once in a while and it helped to pass the time. However, why is that whenever the friends hang out at Central Perk they always get the best seats. The big couch with the table and the two chairs on each side. You mean to tell me that in all those years they never walked in and went, “oh, someone is sitting in our seats, let’s sit somewhere else.” I don’t buy it. It’s not real, not believable. OK, so that’s what I thought about for 13 hours.
I also have a confession to make. I tuned in and watched Bambi. There was something resembling a salty discharge near my eyes at the end of the movie, it wasn’t a confirmed tear but…wow…i’m getting verclemped just talking about it…let me give you a topic…
“The Holy Roman Empire was neither Holy nor Roman…discuss.”
I’m also guilty of getting a little choked up watching Rod Tidwell finnally recieve his contract in Jerry McGuire. This happened a few weeks ago while in Vietnam. What the hell is wrong with me? Tears used to freely flow from me when I was getting farted on by my brothers, or when I used to drop a turd in the bathtub when I was a kid, those are valid reasons, but Bambi…Jerry McGuire?
Anywho I was coming in on 1230 flight into Johannesburg and the moonlit wings reflected the stars that would soon guide me towards salvation. Just as sun was coming we touched down and the pilot announced the temperature, a balmy 32 degrees. My nipples instantly hardened and my testacles tried to crawl up my spine. I turned to the guy next to me and said, “is he sure.” He said, “As sure as Kiliminjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengetti. After having never seen a thermometer drop below 80 for the past 3 months, I was now entering what would feel like Antarctica. I stepped off the plane and as is the norm i zeroed in and got radar lock on what would be the longest customs line, i have a knack for it i swear. I got my stamp, collected my bags and waited for my ride. My ride came and by this time I was thinking about trying to cut glass with my nipples. When i got in the car I looked at the guy and asked him if it was gonna snow. He assured me it doesn’t snow in Johannesburg. I was really hoping he would give me some long forgotten words or ancient melodies.
What do you know. Within an hour of arriving at the guest house flakes began to fly. It hasn’t snowed in Johannesburg since September of 1981, so i learned later on the radio. Today was officially declared the coldest day this year. What the hell?
I then made the decision to join a young lady i met at the hostel on a tour of a Lion and Rhino reserve just outisde of the city. What a pleasant surprise. We got to play with baby lion cubs. These guys were about 11 weeks old and were easily bigger than dan’s dog quill. They would have crushed quill like a bug. Their paws were about the size of my hands. I got bitten and scractched a few times but it was so worth it…I bet Bill Bradsky never got to do anything like that…although he did father every kid on a little league baseball team once! To Billy Bradsky…..Yeah!
My next plan of action is to get my travel plans sorted out and once i do i will let you all know what is happening.
Gagnonius