Tree Prose

WOW!!! My stepdad just wrote me a note reminding me it has been nearly 3 months since I lasted posted a blog. Since July 15, or some such, I spent 6 weeks in Italy, applied for the Master Program at Lama Tsong Khapa Institute in Pomaia, Italy, got accepted, ran back to the States for 3 weeks to secure my visa, included a trip to Canada with the folks, and began the Tibetan Language Course on September 17, which preceeds the Master Program.

What is the Masters Program you ask? I am taking the easy road out, and have copied and pasted the below directly from the website, ” The FPMT Masters Program in Buddhist Studies of Sutra and Tantra at Lama Tzong Khapa Institute is based on the traditional geshe (teacher) studies program of Tibetan Gelug monastic universities. This residential study program is taught in Tibetan and translated into English and Italian for students from all over the world. It is based on the teachings of Buddha Shakyamuni as commented on and realized by the scholars and meditators of India and Tibet, including Arya Nagarjuna, Acharya Chandrakirti, and Lama Tsongkhapa. Not only does this program offer an in-depth study of such important texts as Abhisamayalamkara by Maitreya, Madhyamakavatara by Chandrakirti, and Abhidharmakosha by Vasubandhu, it also offers an extremely rare opportunity to receive extensive teachings on tantra in the Buddhist tradition, in particular the highest yoga tantra of Guhyasamaja.”

What does that actually mean? To me it means that I will gain a map of the mind/heart that is useful during meditation practice and will enable me to offer help, advice to others, on the Buddhist, Meditative, Yogic path…’full enlightenment for the sake of all sentient beings’.

Why did I choose this course? Because it is one of 2 programs in the world in that uses a scholastic approach to Tibetan Buddhism which is made available to westerns via english language translation. It is the only one where women and men study under the same external circumstances. It is also the only one situated in the rolling hills of the Tuscan country side! I always wondered why I had to study Italian in 2002, but I knew I had to…and now it is proving very useful. If you’d like to see pictures, go to the website at http://www.iltk.it. Pomaia is a beautiful place.

Oddly enough, mom, john and dad have all been here. Mom and John came 3 years ago when they visited Tuscany. I was just beginning to research the school then and asked mom if she could make a trip. Turns out their best friends, Bob and Cindy, the ones who invited them to Italy in the first place, have family about 20 minutes away. The school is literally up the hill from where they were staying. Last summer when I was in Italy, Vanessa and Kevin drove me up to look at the school. So they’ve been here too and Viareggio is about 45 minutes away…another odd coincidence. And then when dad was here in August we made a trip up. He was taken by the beauty of the place and both he and mom agreed to help me out. 6 years of study with no steady income…what can I say other than I feel incredibly grateful to everyone who is sacrificing for me so I can be here.

As for Tibetan Language…che palle! as the would say in Italy. The only real way to take it in is to just open the mind and let it flow. You can search all day for rules but as soon as something seems solid, fixed or with a pattern, you see pretty quickly that either in the colloquial, written or honorific language it is different. It is like learning 3 languages at the same time. But really, really amazing because of our teacher, Gavin. He took the “Magic Bus” from Europe acrossed the Middle East to India in the 60s, arrived in Dharamsala and stayed there for 14 years. His Tibetan is amazing and his knowledge of Buddhism is profound. Not to mention he is a quirky, Einstein-type, english gent.

6 years! yeah. But the good news is I have summers free and I can take part of the course online, which I may do for the first few years. I may have the chance to go back to Thailand and continue studying at Agama and do the Masters Program at the same time. As for the future…only time will tell.

So, how are you? are you still out there? write soon.

Love,
Tiff

Allora! (common italian phrase meaning…”so”)

I arrived safely in Viareggio, Italy last night. I am staying with my ‘family’ here…at the internet cafe completely hyped-up on cafe’. I tried to resist, but it is Sunday, which means, you wake up late, eat breakfast, sit in the sun for a bit, chat over an apertivo, eat lunch, nap and then have un espresso. When in Rome, oh wait??

How weird was it to go from smog ridden, cow, lepor, and vendor-packed, poor and dirty Pahar Ganj in Delhi to perfectly clean, orderly, stylish and wealthy Italy? One must reach a strange state of flexibility in order to remain centered in such different external environments. I suppose business people, politicians, spiritual leaders do this all of the time. In Tibetan Buddhism there is a meditation which aims to achieve a state of equilibrium towards all by visualizing someone you love, then someone you are neutral towards, then an enemy and wishing them all relief from suffering. I think this practice of equanimity helped me manage the shift.

Speaking of Tibetan Buddhism, people around McLeod Ganj were insistent upon refering to The Dalai Lama as His Holiness. Personally, I thought it a bit strange. Or at least my reflex was to go, yeah right…whatev. Then I spent 7 days receiving teachings from him and mamamia!

First, one must obtain a security pass for a mere 5 INR (10 cents) prior to the event and prepare a seat. The teachings in McLeod are free so everyone can participate. They are held in His Holiness’ temple. The day before, everyone goes there and marks a spot on the ground with their name using newspaper and tape. The first morning at 6am, we lined up outside of security (no phones, cameras, knives, etc.) with several thousand people armed with an umbrella, cushion, phaleb (Tibetan bread), a mug for the tea offering, a notebook and security badge. When the gates open, everyone scurries in to get their seats…Koreans in the Korean section, Taiwanese in the Taiwanese section, monastics had their own area and then ‘Foreigners’, translated as westerners…funny. They give us a prime area too…I assumed the opposite.

People start packing in. Sitting as close as is humanly possible in order to get the best view of His Holiness, who teaches in Tibetan. Via radio we got transmission from an english translator who nearly simultaneously gives the teachings. Thank goodness I was with a group of experienced practitioners. I bought the cheap 100 rupee radio, which received 0 signal, while they were armed with a great radio and headphone splitters…who knew?

We found copies of the text that His Holiness was teaching from in English. It was a combination of Asanga’s chapter on Ethics and The Basic Path with commentary by Lama Tsong Khapa. Incredibly interesting and applicable…His Holiness would read and then continue with comments…the teachings lasted from 8:30 to 11:30 followed by a review with the translator at 2. The text covered exactly how to consider action in regards to not creating any negative reaction and accumulating positive opportunities for more action. In the Gelug lineage, one of the 4 main Tibetan Buddhist traditions, wisdom is one of the two crucial ways to work towards “full enlightenment”. The other being compassion, hence the bit about “for all sentient beings”. Wisdom can be gained by learning, reflection and meditation.

Compassion is considered the masculine aspect while wisdom is the feminine. And wow, is His Holiness a walking ball of both. It was incredible really. When he walked from his home to the temple every morning, we all bowed our heads in reverence (but peaked up with the eyes of course!) and as he would walk through, he’d address different people. Not only would he turn those folks into pure elation, but everyone around that person felt blessed too. You could see this wave of joy roll over the crowd as he walked by. Magical, really. One time, on his way out, I got a straight look in his eyes…an unforgettable moment. It must sound crazy, but I challenge you to give it a go!

On the last day, he offered the opportunity to take Refuge in the Three Jewels, The Buddha (compassion), Dharma (wisdom) and Sangha (community) and to take the vows of the Aspiring Bodhicitta and the Bodhisattva Vows. I always resisted taking vows because I thought being part of a religion excluded others. But one would argue whether Buddhism is actually a religion and as I have mentioned before, the entire purpose includes all sentient beings, so I decided to make it official in my own mind. So now when someone asks if I am a Buddhist, I can say yes. Somewhere along the last month, I realized that commiting to a particular practice, when done in the right mindset, is actually a huge help, not a hinderance along the way. If I ever start discriminating, consciously or unconsciously, please bop me upside the head.

So, His Holiness it is!

Thoughts?
Love,
tp

10 days in silence and something really clicked. I have been “sitting” and studying yoga, buddhism, hinduism, etc. for 7 years and it amazes me how repetition makes realizations blossom and understandings go deeper, and how each teaching methodology creates intensely different results.

My first two years of yoga provided a method for working the physical body, which eventually leads to deeper work on the pranic (life force), energetic, mental, wisdom and bliss bodies.

A 6-month stint at a Rinzai Zen Buddhist monastery provided a glimpse of working with the mind. But because of where I was in the practice, the utterly methodless ways of Zen left me feeling depressed.

Retreats with Gangaji are pure bliss. However, it wasn’t through my own conscious effort that I was arriving at this state. Instead it was through her presence and grace. This always left me confused about what practice to do when I returned home after a retreat. (anyone on the ‘other side of the shore’ that is reading this, please insert smile and patience here)

Agama yoga works on all of the bodies or koshas, so when I ‘found’ the school, I thought, wow, “this is it”…this is where I will spend the next part of my life studying, practicing and being in service.

As a side note, I went to a Tarot card reader at The Sanctuary, while I was in Thailand. I asked him several things about my life, and the cards were revealing. The last question I asked was in regards to my plan to spend the next 3-5 years at Agama. 7 cards, four represented pleasure, abundance, success and love, the fifth a warning about the foundation of the organization–so far so good–the 6th and 7th were curious. Both were dark angels and they were facing Pao, the card reader. Cards facing the reader apparently mean that they represent something I am not aware of yet. The cards themselves represented aspects of the mind. At the time I took it lightly, “oh well, suppose I’ll figure that part out in time, whatever”.

Back to the Tushita retreat, which was “gentle”…I stayed in a dorm room with 9 other women. We ate 3 meals a day, had introductory teachings on Emptiness, the Perfect Human Rebirth, Reincarnation, Bodhicitta, etc…i taught yoga, we had tea breaks and discussion groups. The meditations were often guided and never lasted longer than 45 minutes. The result of this ‘lite’ retreat was powerful.

Over this last 7 years I have been looking for something to do. no? Yes, a practice that makes complete sense, a place to practice and a community to practice with. Buddhism as transmitted by the Tibetans is looking pretty good.

The key that unlocks the door beyond all of the other keys that have unlocked so many doors is that the Mahayana (The Greater Vehicle) tradition, advocates that to attain full enlightenment one must work for the benefit of all sentient beings…and the main example of the practice at work is His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Who in my opinion, is one of the modern day examples of a true leader.

It doesn’t just say it either…it gives incredibly (sometimes ridiculously:) detailed descriptions and practices for exactly how one can go about obtaining this lofty goal and provides loads of different paths depending on individual temperment, etc. And contains aspects of all of the things I have practiced to this point…but specifically addresses the mind.

So this week I am at His Holiness’ teachings and next week I head to Italy. More as things develop.

How are you?

Heaps of love from Mcleod Ganj,

Tiff

Maggie is going to pull my hair out…at least that’s what she told the guy sitting next to us at the internet cafe this morning. This is the first time we have ever spent this much time together, just us. She keeps saying, “God I want to call your sister and tell her I have compassion for her”…Maggie is an only child and very use to getting her way:) I am not an only child but just don’t usually do what others want me to do and usually only do what I want to do…Doesn’t make planning for four months of traveling very easy.

In my house when anything is uncertain, they use my name as an adjective to refer to the uncertainty of it…for instance if it looks like it is going to rain, but no one is quite sure, they say, “oh this is a tiff rain”…

It has to do with being at the crossroads that I mentioned in the last blog. The good news is that in my time at Agama, I learned a very useful trick called consecration. In simple terms, you learn what it feels like to experience the connection between your intuitive, higher mind and your heart. Then you can ask a question and more often than not, receive a felt experience, which carries with it an answer. Essentially tapping into the idea that our subconscious holds all of the knowledge/wisdom of the universe.

When we first start practicing this, we try it with simple things. Like consecrating the fruits of actions to the ‘divine’ or the fruits of a meal…when the felt sensation of consecration becomes familiar, you can start to ask questions.

A few days ago it came to my attention that the Dalai Lama is coming to town to celebrate his birthday on the 6th of July and to offer one week of teachings. Maggie and I planned on leaving McLeod on the 22nd of June. She is traveling around Europe and I was going to tuck away in Viareggio, Italy. But with this opportunity to learn from the Dalai Lama, I started brainstorming what it was I really wanted to do. At one point I decided to sit down and meditate and then consecrate to understand what my deepest heart was really wanting. The answer was immediately to stay.

Somehow, even though I knew this is what my heart really wanted, part of me wanted to chuck the possibilities of the experience, and go have fun with Maggie. So for several days I went back and forth. Unfortunately, every time I changed my mind I told Maggie. One moment she was overjoyed we’d be traveling together…and the next, disappointed.

This morning I went on a walk to Tushita Monastery where the westerners interested in Tibetan Buddhism go to study. Several years ago I started looking in to this monastery because of a link with another program I was interested in. Anyway, a beautiful walk through the woods led me to the reception office. I inquired about the Introduction to Buddhism course that begins on the 26th of June and goes through the 5th of July. The program is in silence, but includes teachings on all sorts of Tibetan Buddhist Philosophy, tradition, etc. and 2 days of meditation…room and board too. I decided to sign up.

Then I had to go tell Mags. That’s when she made the comment about pulling out my hair! (it would be kharmic from the time I pulled a chunk out of my sis’) but peace prevails. I think she is just happy that I made a freakin’ decision and even more so that I am following my heart.

To Friendship!

love,
tiff

P.S. While my love for learning the Dharma is deep, my love for Italy is oceanic! I changed my ticket and will meet Maggie in Rome on the 14 of July. Of course one can’t forgo the fun altogether!

Good afternoon,

It is Sunday here…raining, cool, quiet. In my last blog I mentioned that we are now in McLeod Ganj, India, the home of the Dalai Lama and Tibetans in exile. The town has such a unique feeling. The presence of numerous monks and nuns in their maroon and yellow robes walking the 2 main streets are, for me, a constant reminder of the sacredness of life. Many of them (the monks especially) seem to be salivating from exposure to the west, sporting cellphones, designer sneakers and sunglasses and can be seen chatting on IM at the internet cafes. In fact I am surrounded on both sides by them now. On the other hand, some are clearly aspiring to the ‘highest’ states of life and one glimpse or smile from these rare beings can change your attitude in an instant.

Maggie and I have walked around the Dalai Lama’s temple several times, turning the prayer wheels, admiring the monks walking arm-in-arm, offering rupees to the beggars along the path, and witnessing the debate process in the temple courtyard between young monks, their colleagues and teachers. An old tradition that is not audibly understandable by either of us, as it is all in Tibetan, is fascinating to see. One monk sits while the other stands. The standing monk is challenging the sitting monk on his knowledge of which ever text they are studying at the time. The point of the ritual, according to a book I am reading, is that eventually, the information gets so ingrained in their subconscious that the truth of the words is able to be experienced…creating a deeper awakening.

I picked up Mantras and Misdemeanors by Vanessa Walker in Bangkok. If you are curious about the current Tibetan ‘situation’, it is worth the read. Describes brilliantly life in Mcleod…and the disconcerting position that young Tibetans are in…stuck between wanting desperately to go home and live life as it was…before the chinese invasion (1949-50), relatively secluded, protected and able to study and practice Buddhism according to tradition…And wanting to disrobe, marry western women and discover what “developed” life may be like.

Please excuse this ridiculously simplified version of the issues at hand. The Tibetan culture, religion, history is at a desperate crossroads, which in my opinion affects the world. Tibet, and the Dalai Lama’s insistent effort, represents one of the few remaining symbols that non-violence is the best way to solve issues.

And since I have been here, my own little internal debate has re-surfaced…what to do? Be a woman in business or a yogini? But beautifully enough, this time, I see the possibilities of playing both of these passions out together. What I have learned, perhaps because of the patience reflected in so many around me, is that the habit of projecting these pathways into the future with the hopes of realizing that one is better than the other, or closer to my heart, is useless. Instead, if I stay right here, right now and think of a way to move slowly, slowly towards the things I am most ‘moved’ by, time/life will reveal the possibilities of their co-existence. Maggie reminded me this morning that it isn’t about that moment in the future when ‘I arrive’, but about each day and each opportunity that comes along the way.

So while I can’t answer the question, what will I be doing in 5 years? or even in 6 months? I can say that each day I am more fully experiencing life, closer to meeting my purpose and dreaming into the future with more color and clarity.

Perhaps we hang out at some kind of crossroads forever. Somewhere between internal and external, giving and receiving, love and hate and that this is, as Gangaji would say, “the weathering of the mind”, which eventually points us to our truest self, our truest experience of god or love or peace or one.

I rest in knowing that we are here, at this crossroads together.

Love,
Tiff

From the last time I wrote until 2 weeks ago, I have experienced some of the most intense learning and growth of my life…as a result of the yoga practice and mostly in regards to relationship, with myself, women and men. Now that I have left Koh Phangan for the summer to travel with one of my best friends, Maggie, I have had a bit of time to reflect in order to provide some kind of answer to the question…where in the world am I and what have I been doing?

I just finished 5 of more than 36 months of the Agama yoga curriculum. A novice by all accounts…I spent this first season finding myself amidst all of the joys and pains of tantra yoga. I will try to sum up the experience…

In regards to relationship with men, I learned/experienced that the fastest most harmonious way to solve problems/issues, keep things flowing is to open my heart and feel whatever it is that is happening and then be honest about it. For along time I was spiritualizing issues in relationship with loved ones, which is just another tricky way for the mind to get out of a situation that is particularly painful. For instance, something would break my heart, make me angry or jealous and I would respond with what I know to be true, but not what I am experiencing in the moment. We all ARE one, but if my mind still thinks of and my heart still longs for a closed, monogamous relationship, better to be honest about it from the start! I found that dettachment comes naturally through love and that you don’t have to push dettachment to find love.

As for relationships with women, wow have I been in the dark. Sisters, please excuse me for taking so long to honor and adore this amazing gift we have! Ashley and Amy were brilliant teachers in regards to sisterhood. I can’t forget the moment it struck me. I was headed over to one of my ‘colleague’s’ houses to watch a movie with a bunch of women. When I walked up, I had a scowl on my face and some arrogant/protective/competitive force that has always been there when other women are around arose in me…and just in that moment, I had the chance to witness this and ask myself, why in the heck are you acting like you are better than these women? what was revealed was the desire to be accepted by them, and below that to be accepted by me. So I stopped for just a moment and let my self feel this disgust and it dissolved. I looked up at this group of women and all of a sudden I saw beautiful, joyful, kind sisters. And this was just one of the many, many moments of understanding that arose in relationship with women.

As for myself, I once referred to myself a few months ago as a heart nazi…but again, WANTING to be a being full of love, and actually being a being full of love…totally different. Sure, one leads eventually to the other, but the wanting can also lead to self-torture! Through a seven-day, silent retreat with a teacher from Romania, named Claudio many blessings came in regards to my relationship with me. The most external being this ironic combination of three practices I have been ‘subscribing’ to over the last 5 years. The schedule of meditation was as rigorous as that of the Zen Buddhist Monastery, Dai Bosatsu Zendo, where I lived for six months. There was one led Agama-style yoga session and one self-led session each day. And to top it off, the meditation instruction came from Ramana Maharshi, who was Papaji’s teacher, who was Gangaji’s teacher, who is one of my teachers! All three together–meditation, satsang and yoga…exceptional.

During the retreat, internally, mentally, I went all over the place from love relationships to family, to bones, muscles and organs, to future, to past…sound familiar? All the while being reminded to center my attention in the heart. In a rare moment of stopping, there was one little opening here and there. By day four, I came to place where I was nearly running to get my bum back on the seat for another three hour meditation session…another three hours to feel so deeply into the center of my being that acceptance and patience for me flowed naturally. And when I stop for a moment, even now, even a month later, I can still feel the reverberation of that retreat.

And where am I now? Mcleod Ganj. The home of the Dalai Lama and exiled Tibetans in northern India. How did I get here?Maggie came to pick me up, trouble with the India visa, 11 extra days on the island, spent 7 of them at The Sanctuary where I first taught yoga 5 years ago, and the other 4 trying without success (fear) for the 3rd time to be certified in Open Water Scuba Course, flew to Bangkok to pick up visa, visa was late, 2 amazing days on Koh San (hard to believe but true), flew to Delhi, 115F, dirt, dirt and more dirt, overnight train to Pantakot and 3-hour, infamously precarious bus ride to Dharamsala, more infamous and more precarious bus ride to Mcleod Ganj…foothills of the himalayan mt. range, truly spectacular.

Now that you are officially updated I am curious to know are you still out there? I think I’ll go send an e-mail to you to let you know I am still here.

love,
tp

If you’ve made it this far, and would like more! maggie’s an amazing writer and a dilligent blogger…www.travelingmaggie.blogspot.com.

hey famiglia,

clearly i’ve been devouring the yoga practice and time with new friends, which is my lame excuse for not posting for nearly a month. in the meantime, mom came and visited! valentine’s was spent with mom and included 2 days of pure luxury on koh samui at the 4 seasons. i was greeted at the “arrival deck”, which overlooked the jungle valley, the sandy beach and beautiful waters with a cool towelette and a fresh squeezed mixed fruit juice…what a way to transition from backpacker to ‘royalty’. i was led to our very posh room with a huge, white bed that had a view out of two french doors to an invisible-edge pool, our very own, and the jungle sunset. the hotel staff was going on and on about how romantic the spot was when i finally had to tell her that it was indeed my ma coming to stay with me in this room…we had a giggle.

while valentine’s wasn’t particularly romantic, it was full of love. we really just kicked back and enjoyed the meals, conversation and ease of the place. she treated me to a pedicure and a full-body, two therapist, crystal, chakra balancing massage. mom’s ‘boss’, Butch, the man i consider to be my third dad, was also along for the luxurious event, as they had both just traveled around the world for work and within an hour went from singapore to koh samui. the three of us together made quite the valentine’s date!

after two days of luxury, we said goodbye to Butch and took the ferry to koh phangan. i was worried, unnecessarily so, that mom was not going to be comfortable on the island. afterall, thailand is a developing country and mom has a thing for luxury when she is vacationing…but boy was i wrong! pi pat arranged a sweet bungalow with air-con, near the beach, near a restaurant, my home…totally convenient. we woke each morning, did a stretch or two, had a few cups of coffee at the restaurant on the ocean, ate breakfast, i went off to yoga, she spent time walking, reading, exploring here and there…we’d meet for lunch, dinner somewhere ‘fancy’, back to her place to cuddle and watch a movie…it was truly blissful. she gladly joined a few yoga classes, listened to me rant about all that i am learning. She even attended the chocolate bliss, aphrodisiac workshop that Ash put on, where we sat in a circle and prepared raw chocolate ‘bliss balls’ together, performed a ‘tasting’ meditation, which was thrilling and then finally got to eat the yumminess together…totally O.D’ed on chocolate!

when we said goodbye there was a throat clenching moment of, “don’t go”, tears, the whole bit. i went to catch the ferry and realized i had at least ten minutes more to be by her side so i went back to her taxi…she was still there and this time the energy shifted to, ‘wow that was amazing you are awesome, i love you, see you soon’…pure strength and encouragement to keep going. filled with love and gratitude i hopped back on the ferry and felt at home-

with bliss from here to there!
love you,
tp

I started the first month yoga course at Agama Yoga just after the New Year. It was an intense introduction including morning meditation, 2-hour asana practice, another 2-hour, afternoon asana practice followed by an evening lecture…everyday, for a month. Over the course of the last month, I gained accurate information and practical experience regarding the chakras, yamas and niyamas, bhandas, mudras, kriyas and much more which i can’t possibly include in this blog…and this is just the beginning. This month has also been full of making new friends and becoming part of the community of strong, clear, vibrant, empowered men and women who support Swami Vivekananda’s work. Anyone who is interested in learning more about the school, can go to agamayoga.com.

Ironically the last day of the course and our final ceremony was on my birthday, February 3rd. I started the day with meditation and an inspired asana practice and was greeted by two friends at the end of class with a big bouquet of wild flowers and roses…beautiful. We went to my favorite restaurant, Big Mountain and feasted on chapati, hummus, salad, french fries, pizza, vegetable spring rolls and chai tea! yum! Then Ashley treated me to a pedicure and my toe nails went from dark purple, almost black, to gold! gold, I mean, what better color to celebrate with…I wish I had a picture…it was pretty then, but now…yikes.

I took her back to her home and picked up a bag full of homeade, raw chocolate, Bliss Balls…Ashley is an herbalist and specializes in aphrodisiacs:) I chomped down two of them by the time, Arnaud, a gorgeous, French man came to my door to pick me up for an afternoon at the herbal sauna. We met up with loads of yogis and bathed in the hot steam, chatted and drank herbal tea for several hours. Rushed home and got ready just in time to make it to the final ceremony. All dressed in white, an Agama tradition, I received my certificate and the first blessing of the night from Swami.

Immediately following the ceremony every month is a talent show where students read poetry, sing, play guitar, dance, do tai chi, tell jokes, etc…at the end of which, Ashley stood up and demanded that in the tradition of her friends and family at home, when it is your birthday everyone must place their hands somewhere on the birthday person and OM together. So more than 75 people gathered around me and blessed me with their voices and loving energy. It was so magical I didn’t have to breath and my voice was pure and clear from all of this love.

Just when I thought it was over, Swami reminded us that in Agama tradition, when it is someone’s birthday, they must come to the front of the room and receive a blessing. So then I had to stand in the front of the room while everyone, this time including Swami sent their loving energy my way…can you imagine how high I was feeling! Not to mention the Full Moon in the sky! What a day. What a blessed life.

So for all of you whose birthday’s I have forgotten this year and the years before, I am sending you, right now a special birthday wish full of love, light and laughter!

BIG kiss and hug,
love,
tiff

The main beach on Koh Phangan, Haadrin, is infamous for Full Moon Party and every month somewhere from 6-25,000 people inhabit the island for 24 hours of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll…or techno in the case of modernity. Upon Maggie’s arrival, she made it clear that we would definitely be attending this party. What choice did I have?;) We got all dressed up, took a taxi, which is really a pick-up with benches in the back, to Haadrin. My Mama, the kind +65 year-old woman from whom I rent the house, was worried sick. She called Pi-Pat several times, etc. etc. While it was a very big party, danced until sunrise, we made it home from Haadrin just fine.

However, while I was standing in the kitchen the other night, doing dishes from our girls’ dinner party, (black bean hummus, spanish rice, beautiful salad—chocolate, of course:) Maggie says to me, “Tiff, there is a very large, winged bug coming underneath the door”. I said, “Well don’t let it in…swat it out, do something!” It was too late!…about midnight, in fact.

I walked into the ‘family room’ and sure enough, this very large, winged bug flew right into the bedroom and landed on a curtain. I looked at Maggie and said, “well, you let it in, what now?” As she got close to it, it took off again, and we both went screaming out of the house for the first time that night.

Slowly we walked back in, Maggie grabs her green beach towel, with a palm tree design and puts it over her head??? She walks back in the bedroom searching for the bug and finds it on the ceiling…proceeds, after a little prodding, to take the broom and try to swat at it- not before taking a few practice swings in the family room, of course…so towel covered broom in hand, she convinces me to ‘back her up’. At which point, I of course cover my head too, duh!…and we go into the room together, heads covered, the escape route planned, she gives it one good whap and we go running and screaming out the front door!

God love Mama. She must have heard the racket because from the dark of night we heard, “Tip, Tip” which is the Thai version of Tiff. She appeared on our doorstep with a flashlight. We tried to tell her it was a bug. However, the large flapping motions I did with my arms, must have made her think it was a pterodactyl because she turned around and reappeared in moments with Papa and a 6′ wooden stake.

Maggie then remembered she had taken a picture of this lecherous beast and showed it to Mama. Mama, as kind as she is, could not help but cover her face and laugh for a few moments. She said, “Not dangerous. No worry.”…Maggie said, “We don’t care, not dangerous, can’t sleep here”…So Mama and Papa go into the bedroom and shake out our bed, clothes, pillows, curtains, packs, you name it…no bug to be found.

Maggie and I, still standing in the family room, in the corner, with our heads covered, decide to go in and look too. Everyone is looking and this bug can’t be found anywhere. Papa went home. He laughed so hard when he saw the picture, I thought he’d pee…Mama had almost convinced us that the bug must have flown outside, when I spotted it. Guess where?…sitting right on top of Mama’s shoulder. I said, “Mama, the bug is on your shoulder” and pointed towards her right shoulder. She didn’t understand ‘shoulder’ so she spun around a few times looking for it, behind her, above her, on the opposite shoulder, etc.

Then Maggie, who had heard me when I said, ‘shoulder’ saw the bug too and said, “Mama, OUTSIDE”…just like that, Maggie was pushing our Mama out of the door, repeating very firmly and pointing outside “Mama, OUTSIDE”. When Mama had cleared the door frame, walking backwards and wondering why she was being pushed out, Maggie locked the door and waved goodbye. I kept saying, “Mama, your shoulder” and pointing to the bug. Finally from behind the glass window, we could see that Mama found the bug. She took it in her hand and said, through the window, “See. Not dangerous. No worry.”

We put our hands together in front of our hearts in prayer pose and both waved goodbye. There was no way in hell, we were opening that door up to hug Mama goodnight. The next morning, when we saw Papa, he was still laughing. We went to meet Pi-Pat on the beach and she was laughing. She had already heard the story and insisted we reenact it. The good new is, we were still laughing too!

Enjoy!

Love,

Tiff, Mags and The Jackajan (aka. Cicada:)

Just in case you were thinking somehow I was getting away with something, being in a paradisical setting with “myself”, let this message set you straight.

Visa runs, hahahaha! that whole idea gets really funny in a moment, are a new thing in Thailand. When I was here four years ago, you simply took the passport to the nearest ‘travel agency’, dropped it off, paid $36 or so and three days later, it returned with a stamp on it, which the Thai government received as valid upon exiting the country…believe it or not. About this process, I never asked many questions. Just said a little blessing over the passport beforehand and prayed it’d get back to me.

When I was preparing for this trip, I didn’t either have enough time, or think it was necessary to send my passport to the thai consulate to get a legitimate visa. This caused loads of trouble at the airport, which was finally worked out. Upon arrival I received a 30-day tourist visa. As soon as I got to Koh Phangan, I realized the visa situation was more complicated and that I would have to make a trip to Penang, Malaysia every 3 months to get a new one.

30 days is almost up! Pi-pat suggested I travel to Surrathani, meet up with Pi-Mem, have dinner, etc. Mem has a travel agency in Surrathani where I could catch the mini-bus to Penang, get a new visa, travel back to Surrathani and then fly to BKK to meet up with Maggie, to Koh Samui on a plane and then a boat back to Koh Phangan in time to celebrate the New Year.

I started the trip on Christmas Eve. Saddened by the reality that neither would I be with my family that evening, nor with my friends on the island, I settled on the idea that I would spend the evening with Mem and celebrate in each moment. After a three-hour boat ride, I arrived in the port town and met up with Mem. She took me straight to a hotel room, which was both sufficiently cheap and comfortable. She promised to wait for me downstairs and said we’d go to the department store to pick up a few things and then have dinner. “Thai dept. store,” I thought…”interesting”. So we headed to Big C or Mixie, I never quite made out what she was calling it and before my eyes was none other than Thailand’s version of Target. For those of you who have any doubts, I loathe Target.

Next she asked, “should go eat together”, “of course, of course”, I said. She said, “you are a vegetarian, right?”. I said, (sticking to this idea that, while in a foreign country one should receive in the tradition, including food that is most common) “I like to eat vegetables, but really, I love to try new food and am happy to eat wherever you would enjoy”…oh how i wish i could take those words back! we stopped at two street vendors, ate noodles both times, and as my mouth was burning off from the curry, and the piece of chicken liver was floating in my bowl, I was thinking, this is going to be bad tomorrow….very bad…

The next day, Christmas day that is, I woke up at 5am, called The family, arranged for a time to speak with everyone together and got on the minibus headed to Penang. One minibus, took me to another minibus, where oddly enough I was the only passenger to de-bus and take a new bus. Then to Hat Yai, where I, and again, only I got off the bus and switched again. I was trusting the entire time that the reason I was being whisked one bus to another, was because Mem made it clear that I was to arrive before the Visa offices closed, which I indeed did.

But I also, never stopped to eat. So while I was being whisked around, my stomach was growling, and churning and each time the bus stopped to get gas, I ran to the restroom and…I’ll leave the rest of that up to your imagination, but I think some people call it Montezuma’s revenge. Why is Montezuma so angry anyways?

Finally, the bus driver, on seeing my face in sheer agony, offered me his BBQ flavored crisps, Christmas Dinner? I received them and bowed to him numerous times to show gratitude. We took the bus on a ferry and made it over to Penang, where the very kind bus driver dropped me off at the visa office. Took care of the payment, paperwork, etc. for the visa, found a guest house and a couple of buddies from the bus and we headed out to eat…at this point my gutts were wrenched, I was sweating…and they agreed on Indian…

I tried to eat but after the first few bites realized the curried veggies weren’t going down my throat. So I had some water and bee-lined it back to my room. Up every hour, until 4:30a when the Immodium I took decided not to sit either and…I was a real mess! Finally, I ran over to 7/11…thank god for that place…got a bottle of water and a loaf of white bread. I sat in my room for an hour or so and ate one piece.

THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL…Was feeling stable enough this morning to have cereal. Found a new room, slept until 2p and just woke and had porridge. The good news is, the Mom in charge of this house, is as kind and understanding as possible and her love is already warming my heart and putting a smile enough on my face to allow me to retell this story with a little humor.

Oh, did I mention that somewhere along the way, someone reached down in my bag and stole my international cellphone. Don’t worry (mama) I will get a new one as soon as I get back to BKK…good news is, I had a thai SIM card and not the International one in the phone. So the international cell number and account is still legit.

Merry, Merry Christmas from Malaysia!

I really do hope yours was full of yummy food, good family and lots of laughter!

With so much love to each of you,
Tiff