Sandy From 4:45 to 5:15*
My friend Michael said in an email recently that this blog gives a good idea of the experience of living in Thailand…as filtered through “Sandy’s weird, weird brain.” OK wiseacre, that’s it; you asked for it. Here is one half hour inside my brain**:
“I’m hungry. I’m so hungry I’m going to faint. Hungry hungry hungry. I need one of those baked bananas, that’s what I need. I’ll have that instead of dessert today. Much better than chocolate. One baked banana while I’m walking, then a small piece of bar-b-que pork from that one street stall, then another baked banana for dessert. Perfect. Where the hell are my shoes? Eat! Eat soon! Wait, tie the shoes first and then go outside. Yay! Food! Dinner!
OK where are the stupid banana baking people on this street? Where did they go? They’re here all the time except when I want one. Hungry. Cute little monks. Oh my god I think that monk just turned and said something to me. Why are the rest of them snickering? Oh that’s where the mini-supermarket is. No bananas today, I give up. Those people are staring at me. Why are people always staring at me? [Play tape of Simeon’s voice: Do people stare at you like this all time on the street?] They see farang all day, every day. Alright already, take a picture, it’ll last longer.
Watch out, two-way traffic. Go! Wait! Go, go! Phew. There’s the meat place; there it is! Hello nice man who gives me bar-b-que pork. Which piece, which piece? Ooh that one looks delicious. I have dinner and I will survive! So hungry. Hurry home. Ugh, for crap’s sake get out of my way. Do we really have to walk this slow all the time? I’m hungry! Stand or walk, people. Can’t do both.
There’s 7-11. Walk on the other side of the street because I’m not going there. I’m going straight home to eat dinner. No dessert tonight. No. No! OK I’ll go to 7-11 but no chocolate. And no cookies. Asian sweets section – perfect. Let’s see, packages of little dried things covered in…hmm, is that sugar? Could be salt. Ah, here’s English-language packaging. Biscuit crackers with anchovy flavor? John Ringhoff would love this. He’d be pawing through everything looking for the treats that said: Now With Extra Fish Eyeballs! What a dummy. I can’t believe I actually ate a fish eyeball that one time. It was chewy. That was so gross. I must remember to never, ever eat anything he holds out on a fork and says to eat because it’s delicious. Oh here we go – crisped rice with something that looks like caramel sauce. Yum. I will eat this entire huge package. This is going to rule!
OK I get to eat right after I take a shower. If I survive this shower, I get dinner. I can do this. Quick, quick, under the water! Oh my god! Oh my god!! I can’t breathe! This is not okay. This is the coldest cold ever. Refreshing, invigorating, exhilarating. Just keep thinking of synonyms. It’s almost over. Stimulating, bracing. Done. Now I get to eat! I will eat all the food! Dinner! Food now! Eat all the food! Yay!!”
And then I ate dinner. The end.
* Name this blog entry’s title reference and be entered in a drawing to win a trip for two to sunny, fabulous Nong Khai, Thailand!
** Edited to exclude rude/irrelevant/private thoughts about people who may be reading this (and yes, gossiping to myself about my friends represents a significant portion of my inner dialogue, sadly).
Tags: Nong Khai, Thailand
sandra_101
I was trying to think of some witty retort about the things i eat then realized i was shoving a burrito into my mouth as fast as i could and that later this afternoon there would be a pig’s foot or two sitting in my crock pot.
I bet you were making annoying little grunting sounds while you were eating, too.