Look out Laos, here comes Ham-Cheese!
My name is Sandy but you can call me Ham-Cheese. That’s what the clerks at 7-11 call me, anyway. Every time I go in there now one of the guys smiles, nods and says, “Ham cheese” like it’s our private little joke. Haha funny farang woman who eats toasted ham cheese sandwiches like they’re about to be discontinued forever and ever.
I am going to miss 7-11 when I leave Thailand for Laos in a few weeks (more about that decision later). I will miss Cheetos and Rocklets (sort of like M&Ms) and of course, ham cheese sandwiches. I will also miss 24-hour one-stop shopping.
There are a lot of Typical Tourist things I haven’t done in Thailand. Their perceived fun-quotient is increasing in direct proportion to my decreasing time and inclination to do them. This category includes riding an elephant, getting a massage, and going to a sex show. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I did anything that a motivated tourist might do. I’ve been in Nong Khai three and a half months and still haven’t made it to the one sight here in town. But I’ve been busy! That drunken midnight swim in the Mekong wasn’t going to take itself, for Christ’s sake.
I am a bad tourist. The only time I’ve even made an attempt was on a whirlwind hitchhiking tour of Europe when my best friend and I drank nine hundred cups of coffee on the plane and made a checklist of Stuff One Must See In Each Country…
Shannon: OK, Netherlands. What’s to see there?
Sandy: I don’t know, a windmill or something?
Shannon: Ooh good one. Germany?
Sandy: No idea. Are there still Nazis?
Shannon: I don’t think so. What about a castle?
Sandy: I still think a Nazi would be better but whatever, just write down ‘castle’ for now.
Shannon: OK. What about France?
Sandy: A croissant?
Shannon: A beret!
Sandy: A woman’s hairy armpit!
Shannon: Wait wait wait – what about the Eiffel Tower?
Sandy: Oh yeah, totally!
In the end, the list read less like the cultural highlights of the Old World and more like a scavenger hunt compiled by the residents of North Fork County Home for the Developmentally Challenged.
After that, I gave up altogether. The only reason I’ve seen every last blessed piece of art in Florence is because my art history class had required weekly group field trips. When left to my own devices, I filled my free time spying on a sculptor across the street from my apartment, going to see punk bands play at squats, and eating Nutella straight out of the jar.
I tell myself every trip that this time is going to be different, this time I’m going to see and do the proper sorts of things. Thailand was obviously a bust in that department. Maybe I’ll do better in Laos. But honestly, unless it involves sandwiches, chances are slim.
Tags: Nong Khai, Thailand
sandra_101
Trust me, there really isn’t anything to see in Laos–except trees.
Thailand is famous for its shopping, the royal palace, elephants, child prostitution and beaches.
Cambodia is famous for its royal palace, khmer rouge and angkor wat.
Loas is famous for being next to next to Thailand and Cambodia.