I’m, like, totally a scientist of life or whatever, you know?
I’m leaving Nong Khai when my visa expires on the 19th. Decision made. There are a number of reasons but the most important is this – I’ve been feeling really happy here. Now before you all start in with a bunch of hoo ha about if it ain’t broke, why fix it, let me explain.
This story starts off with a conversation I had with Ben in Vientiane during which, in the midst of comparing life philosophies, we found that while we agreed on many points, we had one major difference. He makes a conscious habit of always leaving while things are good and full of promise, whereas I have found that I invariably stick around until the bitter end. I’m a hanger-iner of the extreme sort.
[That was weird…I just had to take a quick break to answer the door – it was a 20-something Thai guy who said that he had seen me walking home earlier past the park and wanted to meet me. He gave me his business card and then left. He didn’t even seem creepy or anything, totally nice and normal – is this a Thai thing maybe? Or just, um, a guy thing?]
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, how I’m a hanger-iner. So that hasn’t worked out too well and I think I know why. It boils down to whether or not you accept the way life works. I tend not to. And let me just say that engaging in hand-to-hand combat with life because it is one way and you want it to be another…well, it’s significantly less fun than a barrel of monkeys.
Life, that stubborn old thing, has continued to be impermanent, unstable and unpredictable, despite my frequent and loud demands that pleasant situations be allowed to go on and on, that happiness be locked into place. My reward for this behavior has been to get slapped upside the head with more loss, disappointment and failure than I care to tally.
So I’ve decided to try something new. A little experiment, if you will. I can either stay in my nice, safe life here for a couple more months or I can get out while the getting’s good. When I presented these options to myself in the drifty time just before sleep, my inner voice said very clearly, “Go, go, go, go, go” and I felt all excited. That clinched it. No matter how much it goes against my nature to leave when things are good and maybe about to get a lot better, that’s exactly what I have to do.
If this works, heaven help anyone who dates me in the future.
Tags: Nong Khai, Thailand
sandra_101
you are cool
here’s what Heraclitus would say:
“By cosmic rule, as day yields night, so winter summer, war peace, plenty famine. All things change. Air penetrates the lump of myrrh, until the joining bodies die and rise again in smoke called incense.”
if you cling to the now..it will evaporate. changing..moving..becoming..now that’s where it’s at.
you never come by my blog anymore fancypants