A time of forgetting
Nearly every evening, I walk out the back gate of Mut Mee, along a path that leads to an open pavilion overlooking the Mekong. Thai families lay on the cool rose-colored marble. At the bottom of the steps boys play soccer. The setting sun casts a silver blue sheen over the river that is brown the rest of the day. The colors of the river are brown, silver and finally pink, with Laos always green on the opposite bank.
There is a story I often think of while I sit alone watching the river, a story that someone must have told me once although I cannot remember who it was or when. In this story there is a man who loves a woman very much and she loves him equally in return, and so great is this love and so great is their relief at having finally found each after a lifetime of searching that they promise each other that they will be together always. Sometimes though, they are afraid of each other’s love. There are many silly, terrible things that grow from this fear. I cannot remember the details but the important part is that eventually the man does not want to be with her anymore and then what would have seemed unthinkable, that he does not love her anymore. She can still feel his love like a phantom limb. At the end of the story, she goes on and on for the rest of her days always being alone in her heart.
I know that this story, although it is familiar like a dream, cannot possibly have happened to me. But where did I hear it? And why, every time I think of it, do I feel a pain like death at the core of myself? Sometimes I strain to remember but really, it does not matter. All I know for sure in this time of forgetting is the pale yellow light of evening and the yells of boys playing and the river sliding past like memories sliding slowly and calmly into oblivion.
Tags: Nong Khai, Thailand
sandra_101
Now that’s good writing, son!
Sadly the LA river doesn’t have the same resonance as a symbol of transcendental awareness…but maybe that’s because it’s filled with feces and industrial chemicals..
Hey Sandy,
Read in paper this morning about Phuket, Thailand. Looked it up on internet and it looks beautiful. Have you heard of it or are you close by. I’d like to visit there, maybe I can get your mom to go and you could join us. Keep up the writing – I look forward to reading about your experiences.
Love