smoke
I am not allowed to cook beans anymore. Not without a crock pot, anyway.
For the 3rd time since moving over here, I have nearly set beans on fire by trying to cook them. Why? simple. The easy way to cook dry beans is to rinse them and toss them in a slow cooker. I don’t have one. Next easiest is the same, but into a pressure cooker instead. Don’t got one of those either. So we move on to my least favorite method, and the one most likely to have the entire building standing around outside while I look like an idiot. Rinse and toss on the stove, in a pot of water. Only I don’t like waiting forever, so I boil the water.
Then I wander off to do something else. This is where the problems start. Eventually, all water burns off. It just happens. Then the beans burn. Then you get greasy slimy black stuff all over the inside of your pot, a stinky kitchen, and people trying to get you to evacuate. This sucks
This time, the beans got to the “whole room filled with smoke/ steam bad that you can’t really see the window 12 feet from the stove” point. Yeah, I’m not allowed to cook beans anymore.
Of course, I could fix this so easily it’s not even funny. All I have to do is remember to check on them regularly. Or not try to boil them the whole damned time. Or just buy a freaking crock pot. Or hire a hot guy to do my cooking for me. Or a chick, but that kinda lacks the visual appeal, ya know?
j.
Tags: life
lazyjayn
Bad J. BAD! Some women other than you, have the patience to cook beans on a stove like a normal person. I can’t argue the stylistic differences too much, but here you went and drew attention to yourself! Not only a half-assed bean cooker, a bad ninja?! for shame.. Here I thought I was the only one that liked to multitask and burn things.. my illusions have been sha’ered
dude, see, that’s the thing, I’m not a ninja. I R Pirate. Pirate, remember. like baboon, only without red ass, and with cool clothes.
Pirates is like barbarians only better, see, cause it’s goes burn, eat, pillage, ra…. oh, no… that’s bad, huh?
Um, eat, burn pilla…. no…
damn… how does that go again?
Oh, yeah, I remember now! on land, pillage first, then burn…. See my piratey self gets confuzzled, ’cause when you’re a pirate, most of the pillaging happens on someone elses boat, and it’s usually burning while ya do it…
and yeah, I can really only keep myself in the kitchen if I’m doing other kitchen stuff… but it takes soooo much energy to organise 4 or 5 hours worth of cooking, just so I don’t burn beans. Which reminds me, next time I go into town, I gotta buy a new pot… and dish soap.
j.