A paved petri dish
Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008I just completed my final trip from St. Louis to Joplin, part of the usual migration of 18 wheelers and antique cars on the 270 miles along Highway 44. I realized that at a loss for deeper things to think about, I’ve spent a lot of time on these drives staring at, analyzing, and even photographing, billboards. They read like a running comic strip about American life.
The most recurring theme of these billboards is the battle between porn and preachers. Every 10-20 miles is an ad for an Adult theater, arcade, or bookstore. Nearly always there’s a perfectly placed counter: “U Got Jesus?” Well, “Pornography Destroys” so “Visit the church of your choice this week.” Similarly you have to weigh your morals whether you are going to pet “exotic animals” at the Animal Paradise or go shoot them at the Stone Creek Hunting Ranch, go shopping at “Ruby’s Guns” or the “Precious Moments warehouse.” You also have your choice of services from vasectomy reversals; experts at the “Bra, swimsuit and Masectomy Center”; or one-day dentures (something I’ve discovered is used by an alarming number of people who haven’t gone gray yet). There’s also a giant shopping area with an alluring sign–“Stop Shop and Save”—that you might think is for used cars. Instead you can browse the aisles of “value homes—single or doublewide” and hopefully sign up for your tornado insurance at the same time. I’ve also discovered that while I thought fireworks were primarily shot on July 4th and New Year’s, apparently there is enough year-round need to have GIANT Fireworks Supermarkets at least every 25 miles. Is this how all those folks have lost their teeth?!
There also seems to be a strong message that tradition means don’t throw anything away and resist that fresh coat of paint. “Ma and Paw’s Stuff n Things” has learned to capitalize on this by sporting unique yard art of rusting everythings and “Hill Billy Hot Rods” has taken it to the level of cars and trucks that haven’t hummed for years. But, there’s something almost reassuring in all this. That much of the US really isn’t changing and exploding with highrises and road rage, that there are still quite a few country-fried corners that change about as quickly as a cow chews. My time here moved just a hair more rapidly. At the end of this week I head to search for my lost social life in New Orleans, Florida, and finally New Zealand. Look forward to seeing some of you along the way!!
bimpy_ak