Traveling seeker in British Isles

2-26 –06 through 2-29-06
 
TROUBLE IS BREWING…
 
Noeline was upset about something.  In the past I would think that I did something to upset her, but in the last few years I realized that the world did not evolve around me- good or bad and I figured I hadn’t done anything wrong, so she must be upset about something that happened while I was out on my job interview.
 
She was very short with me and abrupt with her directions.  She had to go to Castlebar in the morning and I knew that she didn’t like to make the drive and the cost of parking and attending boring meetings – so I figured that must be occupying her mind.
 
 When we returned to the house, I tried to make myself helpful with packing stuff for Ghana, but her mood made me feel that I should just go to my room and get out of her hair.  I really wanted to go to my room, but I was still trying to get a hold of my cousin Teresa to see if I could get a ride from Mary in the AM or have to walk to her house.  I didn’t want to walk to her house (I would die!) but if I had no other choice, I would have to.   But I hadn’t heard from her and I kept trying to call and no answer.( Teresa was at an Irish wake!)  There was nothing I could do and I was tired from the events of the day, if not physically but mentally, I figured I would talk to Teresa in the AM.  I heated my two hot water bottles and got my flashlight and made my way to the stone house. 
 
The next morning I was up and packed and as I came out of the stone house walkway I was expecting the throngs of dogs to jump all over me- but all I saw was Noeline with her head down storming through the front door to the van.  She snapped, “Your cousin Teresa called last night and she can’t pick you up, I have to drive you to her so we have to Chop Chop!”  I said “OK’, got all my bags into the back of the van and started to pull the blanket that she keeps over the car windows off (to keep the frost from sticking) and by mistake I caught one of the wiper blades.  Noeline of course walked past just as I had done it and said- “don’t ever do that alone again- get in and I’ll fix it!”  Man, with that tone I was in that van as quick as I could and just sat and didn’t dare breath!
 
 She got in started the diesel engine then out again.  She unlocked the front gate, got back in, pulled the van out, got out and locked up and she had me down the street in record speed.  She drove me to the house and had to get out again to unlock the back doors for me to get my stuff out and said ‘have fun” and was gone like the speed of light.  I then took my first breath since messing up the wipers and dragged my stuff to my cousin’s door.
 
It turned out that Mary did go first thing in the AM with her husband to another town.  He was putting in a floor at Mary’s brothers house and Mary went to visit her Dad.  Her Dad had already had 3 bi-pass’s and he was going in for another one soon.  (Did I tell you that Sweet Mary is from a family of 11?)  So that was the reason that she wasn’t able to pick me up, and since she was gone, we didn’t have the “usual Wednesday” at Teresa’s.  So we just sat around all day and talked, laughed, ate and drank TEA!  I loved it!  Teresa is a very funny lady and she is very kind to me- even if she’s taking the mick to me. (I think I’m saying it correctly? I get it messed up every time!  I keep saying she is “giving the mick” and she says even if she is giving the mick it is said taking the mick- I don’t know!)  Any way, it is just so nice to just sit and be with someone that you really like. 
 
I ended up just staying the 3 days at her home rather then having to get a ride back and forth each day.   I loved it; I had my own room with a double bed, lots of duvet covers, an en-suite (bathroom and shower off my bedroom) and HOT ‘FRICKEN’ WATER!  It felt like I died and went to heaven!  Everyday we did a whole lotta nothing.  It was Grand!  People stopped by and we all laughed and ate and drank tea.  It was what I really needed, I didn’t worry about anything in those 3 days accept that it had to end.  I have to be honest; I didn’t want to leave- it was so much easier here then at Noeline’s or the hostel.  It was still cold- but everywhere is, but I loved that everything wasn’t an effort, the way it has been my entire trip to this country. I really relished my time with my new family- every minute of it!
 
I finally called Noeline on Friday and left a message on her machine that I would be over on Saturday morning.  I had been telling Sweet Mary and Teresa about the dogs that Noeline had and that she was looking for homes for 3 big dogs. I also mentioned some of the stories that went with a few of the dogs and mentioned about a big beautiful boxer (named Boo).  It was a male and was HUGE!  I had never seen such a big boxer, but he was terrible abused by a man and was terrified of all men.  Of course, that is the very dog that Mary wanted.  I told her that she would have to get rid of her husband to have this dog.  But I guess Mary didn’t hear that part and had her heart set on Boo.  So Mary offered to take me back to Noeline’s. 
 
All morning I tried and tried to get a hold of Noeline.  She didn’t answer the phone.  I thought maybe she had an early call to pick up a stray animal or something and that’s why she didn’t answer.  Mary had a hair appointment at half-four (4:30 American terms), so by 3PM I called Mary and said, “Can you take me over and bring me back if she isn’t there?” She said no problem.  Teresa has said that I could stay the night when she was on her way out to Galway for a dance competition with Geralyn. (Dermit’s two nieces were dancing).  Teresa would be home late, but she said, “stay”.   As tempting as that was – and BOY was it tempting!  I knew that there was just so much work to be done at Noeline’s and I had to bite the bullet and go back.  Don’t get me wrong- it has noting to do with Noeline that I didn’t relish returning – it was mostly the extreme cold that made it so hard to go back and the lack of creature comforts.  But I did.
 
Mary came and we drove over. Noeline was in the yard and I saw that the cover on her van had not been removed.  She had never left the house!  Why hadn’t she answered the phone? (Some psychic I am!)  When she came to the gate she had the same sour look on her face from the few days before and I was flustered because I couldn’t understand why she hadn’t answered the phone if she was home?  She let us in front gate and Mary and I entered.
 
I told her that Mary wanted to see the dogs that she had available for homes.  She abruptly said, “Do you have a fenced in yard?” Sweet Mary said “No” and Noeline said, “then you can’t have one of my dogs –I’ll be sued!”  I was stunned by her rudeness! I was also very surprised because Noeline knew Mary.  She even told me that Mary was a nice woman and had a huge heart for animals and that she liked her a lot, yet she was treating her like she was an enemy!  I couldn’t figure out what was happening and Mary was looking at me like – what’s going on here?  I had said such wonderful things about Noeline and Noeline was acting like a witch! Mary really wanted to see the Boxer and Noeline said, “No, he’s not leaving” and just refused to show her.  Mary was very shocked and I was trying to get her to walk toward the gate to get my stuff and get her out of here. 
 
I was really embarrassed by Noeline’s behavior.  Mary said that she would talk to her husband and see about getting a fence and Noeline wasn’t giving her an inch.  Noeline asked her if there were sheep around her house and Mary said “Yes.” She then said “One of these dogs will go after the sheep and the farmer will sue you for the damage and then go after me too for giving you the animal.”  Then she asked if Mary had any other animals, and she said yes cats, Noeline said, they would kill the cats- they will tear them apart!  You could of put teacups on the saucers in Mary’s eyes!  I really didn’t like what Noeline was doing to Sweet Mary and I want to get her out of here as quickly as possible.

I finally said, “Come on Mary, lets get my bags.”  Noeline was on us like a rabbit dog.  She said, “Wait a minute, I want to talk to you both about something.”  I was stopped in my tracks, what could she want with both of us?  Mary looked at me and I her- then we looked at Noeline.  Now Noeline was going to give me my turn…
 
Noeline said that she was very upset with me.  I was like “why?”  She said that she heard all the terrible things that I said to someone on the phone in the office the other day when she was in her office doing paperwork.  I was shell-shocked; I had no idea what she was talking about.  She said that I told someone how hard it was to ride in her van, that I couldn’t wash my body or dish’s without having to heat up a kettle and that the house had no heat, and that she was trying to fix me up with a man!  She said that I hurt her to the core and she was so upset she couldn’t talk to me at all.
 
She said that she gave everything that she had from her heart and she didn’t want me here anymore. I could come back and stay on weekends but I had to go stay somewhere else during the week.   She said “I can’t leave you here anyway while I’m at work because of the dogs- so you have to go stay with your family!”   Well, I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach!  I didn’t even know whom I might have been talking to (later I remembered it was Marie) and I just got so upset that I had hurt this wonderful woman.  I tried to tell her that I felt awful that I had upset her.  I said “But the things that you said that I told someone else was noting that I hadn’t said to you directly! I wasn’t complaining, I was just stating what my life was like.  I was terribly sorry for hurting you and I know that you are only giving me the best that you have.”  I also said, “I understand your living style and it is very different from what I am accustomed to, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s wrong- its just different and I’m a pussy American and see how cushy I had it in the States.  And yes it’s hard, but I understand why you go without to help others.”  “I don’t want to go, and I do want to work- I love what you are trying to do and I want to be a part of it!”  And then I made the biggest mistake I started to cry.  And she said “OH, don’t turn on the Water works!” – THAT was a smack in my face…
 
Mary was very embarrassed at this exchange.  She put her head down and let it unfold.  But after the remark about the crying, she looked at me and said.  “Why don’t you go and think about this for a while”.  She was trying to give me an out.  I was so upset but I knew if I left at this moment, I would never have a relationship with Noeline again and I knew our work together was not yet done – it was a defining moment and I couldn’t let it end this way.
 
Noeline said, “If you want to stay you could for the weekend.  And as of this moment it is a clean slate, I will not hold this against you what had happened, I got it off my chest and it is up to you to decide what you wanted to do.”
 
I told her that I did want to stay and I wanted to do the work with her.  She said “Fine, but you have to go somewhere else during the week” I said OK. (I had no idea what or where but I knew I would have to). 
 
Mary looked at me and I could see her disappointment with me. Even being Sweet Mary, I don’t think she would of taken this from anyone.  She helped me get my bags and she drove off.  I dragged the bags into my room and sat on the bed and cried my eyes out.
 
 
 
KYM
 
 
I just got done writing this last blog.  I started to have second thoughts in sharing this exchange with the world.  Not because I want to hide this from you, but because of Noeline.  She was upset when I shared it with one person, how will she be about sharing it with the world?

 I went out and got my hot water bottle ready and returned to my room.  On my bed was the Oprah magazine that my sister Traci sent me in a care package this week.  I hadn’t gotten time to read it but I have been using it to keep my computer steady on my lap while typing my blog.

  I picked it up and it opened to Oprah’s thoughts on “What I know for sure” and the title is “Your gut is your inner compass.” Where she shares a recent moment in her life about an airplane trip. Early in the day, she had had mixed feelings about the trip to Hawaii, but she chose to ignore it because she felt it was just her fear of flying over oceans.  Well, they ended up having a problem with a cracked windshield that was quite scary.  In the mist of their rapid decent she was driving herself crazy with worry and Stedman held her hand and said, “You’re going to be fine.  God didn’t bring you this far to leave you. Remember that.” Then she picked up the Time magazine’s “People of the Year” article about Bill and Melinda Gates and Bono.  The good works of these people distracted her until they could get the plane landed.

 It’s funny how God answers your questions: