I’d Love It If We Beat Them, Just Love It

They say that the World Cup doesn’t properly get under way until Brazil play their first game. Well I suppose this is an opportune moment to throw in my first proper offering to the blog. Although, judging by the very patchy performance by the men in yellow, it is a moot point as to whether or not the World Cup has properly started. Ronaldo would have been hauled off  by any Sunday morning team on the Roodee. He looked worse than Jim Baxter on his return to Ibrox. Strangely enough, the star man for Brazil seemed to be their goalkeeper. Looked a very solid man to have between the sticks. Now having put the kiss of death on him you will see him flapping around like a demented Paddy Roche in his next game.

I have to declare a  Croatian interest here despite the fact that Dado Poor Show (the Huns Holy Water dipping striker) plays for them. For years Croatian Sean has been a star man at the Club, the official photographer at all events and a keen supporter of Hajduk Split (and Celtic of course). Sean originally came from Wigan (in fact he was the last person to be arrested at Central Park before the move to JJB) and married a Croatian girl. So we have all followed the fortunes of the Hajduk and Croatia for a number of years thanks to Sean’s commentary on the two. Therefore, we were not surprised at the sold performance from the red and white checks last night and let’s face it, they came very close to getting something out of the game. But what amazed me was the site of the Dermot Morgan lookalike on the Croat bench. Truly astonishing. Look out for him at the next game. Which of course got us all talking as to which country has got the feckless Father Dougal. Well, step forward England who has weightier version of Ardal O’Hanlon in the form of Sammy Lee. Personally I think he looks more like Pugsley out of the Adams Family, but there is a passing resemblance there. Also the fact that Sven will only trust our porcine,scouse friend to put the cones out for training, there is obviously an intellectual similarity too.

Now we come to my two teams, Tunisia and Poland. Tunisia play Saudi today and in terms of general interest in the World Cup this like to be one of those ‘muzak’ games. It will be on in the background, no one wants to hear it but if you switch it off something will be missing. When choosing Tunisia as a team to support I obviously had forgotten that Namouchi (another Hun) plays for them. A pure oversight on my part but I will continue to support them despite knowing that the forces of darkness are operating from within.

On a non footballing note I offer the anecdote of a friend of mine who for some daft reason took his family to Tunisia for the New Year. The weather wasn’t good so he decided to take the family on a Desert Safari. You know the score. Spend two hours on a ‘bus, driving along bumpy roads to get the chance to ride a smelly, mangy camel for half an hour before coming home. For any Cestrian bloggers it’s a bit like the free ‘bus to Destiny and Elite on a Saturday night where you travel along a bumpy road to get the chance to ride something a whole lot worse before getting the ’bus back home. Anyway, Wayne and Tracey from Dagenham are on the back of the ‘bus along with little Chardonnay who is rapidly becoming disenchanted with the whole safari idea. Wayne and Tracey are trying to perk her up with a list of all the wonderful animals she will see when she gets there. Lions, cheetahs, elephants and giraffes ‘cos after all this is Africa innit’? My mates peeing himself laughing but says nothing. By the time they get to a rest stop someone has explained to Wayne that infact he will see little more than a moulting dromedary. Mutiny! “You never facking told us that you caaant!” he said to a bemused travel rep. He demanded to get off the ‘bus and go back to the hotel. “How?” asked the rep. “By fackin taxi of course!”. Yup. Taxi from the Shady Oasis rest stop to the Golden Beach Hotel pronto. Oh!” and I want ring back too. The rep gently explained that the only way he might get home on local transport would be via a donkey. Wayne got back on the ‘bus.

I wish this whole business about Poland was as funny. The game against Ecuador on Friday night produced, for me, the worst team performance of the competition so far. Listless, depressing and totally clueless. This to the back drop of a quite magnificent support. Not sure what the team news is tonight although there is talk of ‘Magic’ Zurawski being dropped after a rather poor performance on Friday evening. Having said that, there could be many scapegoats chosen on the back of that display.

The main topic of conversation seems to surround the off pitch activities and the threat of violence. I have said already about the glorious irony of the Germans crapping themselves as Polish hoards invade their country. But hopefully things will pass off peacefully with a thumping 3-0 win for the Poles. Enjoy