Merry Christmas
Life hasn’t been too easy for me since losing Chris, but I have finally made it to a place where I can accept my loss, appreciate the great times we had together and look forward to whatever the future brings to me. This trip is the best idea I ever had because it has succeeded already in giving me a new beginning, a second life.
Two years ago, after really struggling for almost a year without Chris, I flew home to Vermont for the holidays. The trip started off miserably and was the low point of my first year on my own. I woke up late the morning I was suppose to fly which is something I never do and after racing to Oakland Airport, I had a check-in clerk tell me that I could catch the next flight to Dallas, but I would probably be stuck there for 5-6 days. She was the nastiest person I have ever dealt with and I found myself at forty years old crying. She seemed to enjoy it. Luckily, American Airlines doesn’t hire many like her and another clerk took over my sorry-ass case from her. He was kind and positive and told me to take the flight to Dallas and he would do what he could to get me on a flight that day. Sure enough, they pulled through and got me to Vermont. I tried to enjoy that Christmas, but I was frankly very pissed off with the world and the turn of events in my life and wasn’t in much of a celebratory mood. It beat being home alone, but the traveling was hard to do.
In 2005, I decided that I would come up with a new plan for my life by the end of the year. By November, I decided that I hated working for Motorola and I was either going to get rid of them or they would get rid of me in 2006. I came to terms with selling my house and moving. I started to panic a bit by December that I had not come up with what I would do since New Year was closing in quickly. I knew it would be OK if I didn’t have a plan by then, but it was a goal I wanted to stick to. I came up with lots of plans that year, but every one of them was flawed in some way and I found an excuse for why I couldn’t do it. On December 17th, I woke up with this selling it all, going around the world idea and knew it was the craziest idea yet. So crazy that I didn’t tell anyone about it for two weeks. I went back to Vermont for Christmas and tried to act like things were getting better that the previous year, but my mind was constantly thinking about my idea. Constantly and I never came up with why I shouldn’t do it. I figured my family would think I had really lost it and I didn’t want to detract from the holidays so I just sat on it. I probably seemed nuttier to them than the previous year.
By time my dearest friend, Brenda, picked me up at the airport after returning from Vermont, I had to say something. I just asked her to listen to my idea and not say anything since I was convinced she would think it was a bit crazy. She didn’t listen to my request and immediately told me that it was the perfect idea. “Really?”, I asked. After determining that she wasn’t pulling my leg, I never looked back and started telling everyone about my plan the next day, New Year’s Eve. However, before telling anyone else, I woke up hearing the strangest of sounds. I discovered that my home was drowning (the heating system was gurgling because the crawl space flooded) due to some freak backup in the neighborhood creek. I was absolutely convinced that the house I loved so much was telling me that my stay was over and to move on.
So here I am nearing the third Christmas without Chris and all I can say is that 2006 has been life-changing and probably the most rewarding year so far. I was able to walk away from our home happily, Motorola did decide to get rid of me and everyone else just prior to me saying goodbye to them and my trip has gone so well. I feel like I have a new life and I feel so lucky to have such a great second life after a wonderful first one. While I would love to be with my family for the holidays especially in such a good frame of mind, I think it is really important that I do this one on my own (not with friends and family). I am overwhelmed in such a good way by life again and I look very much forward to what’s coming my way in 2007 and beyond. Life is GREAT! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all. May you all find contentment with life’s curveballs and never lose sight of that when things are going perfectly.
Tags: Travel
vagabondrick
Rick – Wherever you are tonight, you’re not without friends and family. Although we’re sitting by the fire in Chatham, you’re here with us and we’re there with you. Have a great Christmas and start the new year with high expectations for your renewed life. Know that now that you’ve left home you have a thousand new ones — and that ours is one of them.
A peaceful and happy holiday,
John, Anita and Alex
Rick – It is so very hard to find peace after the loss of a spouse that was your soul mate. I am so happy for you that you have found that peace. I’m sure that Chris is smiling down at you this holiday season. As John and Anita said you have a thousand new homes one of which is in Georgia when you want to see the exotic Deep South!nrnrCheers, Marion
Dearest Rick: This is the first time I have heard the story around your decision – and I am so glad that you made it. As you know Chris’s grandmother died in November. I just didn’t celebrate christmas with all these losses. (Next year I will again) All my love to you – Kathy C
Dearest Rick: Thank you for sharing the full story of how you made your decision – and I am so glad you made it. After losing Chris’ grandmother this November I didn’t celebrate x-mas this year. (Next year I will) All my love to you Kathy
Hi,
Christmas was wonderful but we all missed you, I especially! Cooking for “the crowd” just wasn’t as much fun. I do hope that 2007 will bring you home to us during the holiday as I know Mom was missing you as was Bill and I. We do understand your need to do it alone this year and we certainly support your choice. We hope that all is well, that you are having the continued time of your life and that safety follows you wherever you go. With much love, Julie
Hi Rick
great to hear your having a good time and finding out more about yourself and this amazing world we live in. There’s always a spare room here in Manchester too, and one in Marrakech if you need it.
Have a peaceful new year
Ben and Gem