The truth behind why I like these old guys
On hearing that the visitor was in Nong Khai doing research for a Master’s thesis in city planning, about the regional impact of retired Western residents, Caroline waved her hand in my direction and said dismissively, “Huh. Well anyway, that sounds like something right up her alley.”
It is, in fact, right up my alley and I had been closely questioning the visitor – whose name is John – for the past day and a half. John lives in Udon Thani (the nearest city), where he has been working on the question for eight months with the help of his Thai girlfriend. We’d quickly ascertained we had a similar interest and started swapping anecdotes, insights and tidbits of information from interviews and other sources.
The fact that I’m becoming a passionate amateur sociologist in this off-beat topic is hardly surprising but it is curious. Why these guys specifically? Why do I find them so endlessly fascinating?
As individuals and as a culture, we have a huge blind spot about romantic relationships. We tell ourselves all manner of reassuring stories about love but when it comes right down to it, we behave as though there is only a very narrow segment of the population who are eligible for it, and even then only in approved ways. Our hypocritical lack of self-awareness on this issue is startling at times.
A friend of mine emailed in response to my “Fair trade, Thai style” blog to inform me quite eloquently that I would be better off not thinking about relationships as being based on an exchange model. Interestingly, this is the same person who informed me this summer that although he liked me as a person, I was simply too old to be a serious relationship prospect.
The sad truth is that he was right, on both counts. It is not healthy to view romance as a relationship of exchange, and yet as an aging never-married American, because this is exactly how we all do view relationships (whether we admit it or not), it feels like there is no longer a place for me as a woman in my culture. I am not a lover, I am not a wife, I am not a mother…and I no longer possess the feminine currency – youth, beauty – required to move into any of these roles.
No, I am not just interested in the men of Nong Khai as an intellectual hobby. It goes far beyond that. I know them because I see myself in them. And I am deeply envious that they have found a way out of the same bind that I am finding inescapable.
Tags: Nong Khai, Thailand
sandra_101
Try the hetaera woman archetype.
Although this ancient Greek term translates, unfortunately, as “prositute” in our sad culture, this is not at all what it means. It is closer to “Geisha,” but the idea is a woman who understands culture and beauty, and who is a preferred companion due to her excellent taste, witty conversation, and general brilliance. Since America is deep-down sex-negative, anti-intellectual, and anti-art, we don’t even have a category for this type of person, but that just makes her all the more coveted.
Just a thought. I’m sure you can think of a zillion reasons I’m wrong.
We leave for India in about 36 hours. Looking forward. Thanks for your fascinating blog entries!
finally, a western gal who understands us. John is a really nice guy, and if that is his girlfriend, he is lucky, i know her and she is also a very down to earth person. took the liberty to post that in udonmap site, hope you don’t mind, if so, inform me and i will have it deleted.