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Articles Tagged ‘About me’

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Bonus: a story for you to read

Friday, February 9th, 2007

It really doesn’t surprise me that other people are able to speak more intelligently about my writing than I am. It would be difficult not to. Or rather, it would be difficult for most people to ramble on as endlessly without actually managing to say anything. One of my specialties, really.

My lovely friend Jacques – an astonishingly talented L.A.-based painter who would probably create about twice as many gorgeous paintings if only I’d stop cutting into his studio time with all my emails pestering for critiques on new stories – has posted a bit about my fiction writing on his blog. And a link to a recent story. Here it is…


http://jacquesdebeaufort.blogspot.com/2007/02/sandy-olkowski-escape-from-known.html

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“Next year was a bummer”

Thursday, December 28th, 2006

In the waning hours of 2006, I am reminded of how late last fall my ex-boyfriend Matt overheard a homeless guy in a liquor store saying to no one in particular, “Next year was a bummer.” At the time I did not understand the eerie prescience of his words. I just thought it was funny.

At the end of 2005, Matt was not yet my ex-boyfriend. He was not even officially my boyfriend. I was dating two very eligible bachelors – both handsome, talented, kind, affectionate, funny and head-over-heels in love me. I was in perfect health. I was finishing up a novella. I had a fun, satisfying job as the executive assistant to the president of a high-profile entertainment empire. I pretty much had life by the balls.

And then 2006 happened.

If you’ve been following my blog, you know at least part of the story. I started having scary symptoms in January, and then soon after committing to a relationship with Matt in February, I fell seriously ill for the first time in my life. Not a week passed over the next three months when I wasn’t either in my doctor’s office, in the lab getting buckets of blood drawn, or in the hospital.

Just as my health mysteriously rebounded, my relationship fell apart. I really didn’t see that one coming. I chose to commit to Matt because I believed he was the real thing. Then suddenly, here he was yelling at me all the time and saying he needed to focus on himself more. He promised me that if I trusted him this wouldn’t happen. Needless to say, the relationship came to an ugly end.

As my world crumbled, I took shelter in my cubicle at work. I’d won the boss lottery with that job. Even when I couldn’t stand the sight of anyone else, my boss always brought a smile to my face. He let me know every day that I was appreciated and needed. Whenever I got kicked out of a relationship, I naturally clung to him and our job for stability, and this time was no different. Until one day – about a month after the breakup, while I was still heavily in the laying on the bathroom floor sobbing phase – when he broke the news to me that our job was going to end, could be tomorrow, could be six months.

So that was it. My health, my heart, my livelihood. Oh yeah and did I mention my novella had floundered and I’d finally accepted there was no chance of getting a piece of that length published? Life had officially kicked my ass all up and down the street. And then spit on me.

I did the only thing I could – I met it measure for measure. You want to take everything away from me? Fine. Take it all then, every last bit of it. I quit my job, gave notice on the apartment I’d lived in for four years, got rid of my possessions, and flew away alone without a plan to Bangkok.

Mr. Man said the funniest thing to me about a month ago. With great drunken earnestness he said, “I am afraid I’m having a destabilizing effect on your life.” To my credit, I managed to not laugh in his face. But boy oh boy did I want to say, “Honey, after the year I’ve just had, you’d have to actually cut my legs off to destabilize me.”

It seems fitting that there is no happy ending to a story that began with a psychic bum foretelling doom in a neon-lit liquor store at the corner of Sunset and Alvarado. As 2006 ends, I am living alone in a small city in Thailand, tutoring children and writing short stories. Sometimes I think of a quote by Joan Didion that goes, “There is no real way to deal with everything we lose.” And she’s right, there just isn’t. All you can do is walk away and try not to look back too often at the smoldering remains of your life. Who knows? Maybe that is a happy ending.

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On mosquitoes, temper tantrums and life in the tropics

Sunday, December 10th, 2006
I stomped my feet as a small child might and repeated, “Stop, stop, stop!” over and over. “Arghhhh!,” I cried finally, hanging my head in defeat, sweat pouring from my face. “For chrissake, please just leave me alone!” It ... [Continue reading this entry]

Posted in Nong Khai, Thailand | 1 Comment »

My trip explained via a list of interrogatives

Saturday, September 30th, 2006
Where: Southeast Asia, as you may have gathered from the title of this blog. More specifically, Thailand and Laos. I flew into Bangkok with the general plan being to go either north or south first. Planning ... [Continue reading this entry]

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This is a tiny photo of Sandy. She leaves for Thailand in 5 days. She often speaks about herself in the third person.

Friday, September 22nd, 2006
July4th1.jpg I can't figure out how to make this photo bigger! You're just going to have to take my word for it that I look very, very cute. And not sweaty at all. Which is exactly ... [Continue reading this entry]

Posted in About me | 7 Comments »