Fair trade, Thai style
“I don’t enjoy the gender relations in this country.” I recently overheard this said with an ironic laugh by a young American woman who works for the Peace Corps in an outlying village. The laugh was thrown in to emphasize that she was vastly understating her case. Despite that, I admired her restraint.
If you really want to see a Western female get riled up, ask her about relationships between older Western men and Thai women. You won’t get too far into your question before eyes start rolling.
“Disgusting,” said my friend Caroline, dismissing an entire demographic in her typically pithy style.
“But why is it disgusting,” I asked. “Isn’t that a little strong?”
The most popular argument goes like this: it’s disgusting because these pretty young women can’t possibly be attracted to these unappealing older men. I’ve heard this from both Western women and young Western men.
I find this argument hypocritical at best, given how acceptable it is for young Western women to partner with older men. Take Caroline for instance – she is twenty-one and has a strong preference for dating men at least ten years her elder. So it’s okay for a twenty-something Western girl to date a forty-something Western man but disgusting if the girl happens to be Thai? ‘Yes,’ seems to be the answer.
I honestly don’t see what makes the dynamic of these cross-cultural couples so much different from the dynamic of your typical Western couple. The women are using the men for emotional stability, financial security and social status? The men are using the woman for companionship, sex and ego stroking? Wait, and how is that different?
Yesterday I was at the German bakery having a pastry and a coffee for breakfast. I was also writing in my journal. One of the regulars, a pale overweight American man of a certain age, made a joking comment to me about “the ubiquitous journal.” When he lumbered by again, he said that he hoped I was enjoying Nong Khai. I smiled and replied that yes I was, very much so, and thanked him. He seemed pleased. Pleased and also terribly eager to please. There was something so touching about it that I wanted to give him a hug and dote on him.
As I watched this man interacting with the young Thai women who work in the restaurant, I saw their flirtatious, attentive kindness toward him. I saw it and it made me very, very happy.
Could it be that young Westerners believe these men somehow don’t deserve the care and companionship of an attractive young woman because they haven’t properly earned it? They certainly aren’t bartering anything that we think of as having acceptable exchange value for an older man – wealth, fame, or power. They are not playing by the rules and that is always threatening. Some might even say it’s disgusting.
Tags: Expats, Nong Khai, Thailand, Thailand
sandra_101
I think you are right. Michael Caine said it in an interview regarding his role in “The Quiet American”. These men, he had observed, were the sort that would not have competed very well back home. We expect them to live that role. You have to add that it is only natural when observing one of these couples to imagine them having sex. Not a pretty image. In reality, these men deserve our respect for their entrepeneurial approach to relationships. Why should it better to be a lonely unattractive mono at home than to get off your wide butt and move to a more favorable market?
Eric, In reponse to your comment… Yes! Yes yes yes. Thank you for articulating this so well. -Sandy
In addition to flings with younger Thai women (ahem), I was also priveledged to give a South African woman one hell of a 50th birthday present during my recent trip to asia. Now, of course I realize much of the reason this went so well (i.e. was really hot) had to do with this woman herself and her outlook on life, how cool she is. But beyond this, there’s something to be said for a mature women who knows exactly how her systems work, what she’s into, what she’ll ‘give and take’, and with brilliant and red hot honesty. Not to mention a genuine appreciation for cock after an 8 year lesbian relationship recently ending in a very bad way.
On the other hand, maybe I’m just a ho. But young, old – all the variation of brunette (and some other hair colors too) – when you find a partner you jive with, it’s time to getcha freak on* Go where ever it takes to find them!