Crazy for a day!
Have you ever had an anxiety attack? No wait, have you ever had an anxiety attack that lasted for six hours? If so, you will understand how very, very not cool my day has been. I have no idea what the heck happened. It could have been the really strong coffee I had at breakfast (after who knows how many cups of regular coffee at home). Regardless, I got the feeling that I call the “Something Really Bad is About to Happen” feeling. I call it that because it’s basically an overwhelming sensation that, um, something really bad is about to happen. The last time I had it was on Thanksgiving, so at least I don’t get it often.
The only thing to be done when it happens is to distract myself with something psychologically comforting so I went to check my email. The first email I opened had just been sent from a friend in L.A. who has these weird psychic episodes, anxiously asking if I was okay because he had a bad feeling that something had happened to one of his friends.
Oh great. My panic went through the roof. If it’s just me freaking out and being paranoid, that’s…well, it’s just me and I know I’m weird so it’s okay. But this was like the difference between having a bad trip and having a bad trip with someone else who’s also having a bad trip. In cases like this, 2+2 = 47,382.
I began having terrible visions of an earthquake. The weather was overcast, hot and humid after a cold snap – earthquake weather. I was too afraid to be in my house. Then once I got outside for a while, I decided I would feel safer inside away from other people. Then I wanted to be back outside in case my house collapsed. Et cetera. What I learned today is that being insane is really exhausting.
The good news is that it is pretty much over. I’m still not totally convinced the world isn’t about to collapse into rubble but let’s not dwell on that point. What is interesting in retrospect is that what I felt like I really wanted was to go back to the States. I’ve decided to leave Thailand next month but I was planning on heading to Laos then. But now I wonder if maybe this whole episode wasn’t a long and uncomfortable way of telling myself that it could be time to go home. And maybe it wasn’t a coincidence that the other emails I received today were mostly of the “okay it was cute that you went on this trip but seriously now, aren’t you ever coming home?”
I don’t know. It’s as simple as that. I’m sort of over the novelty factor of being abroad and I like the idea of going back to the States but I can’t think of what I’d do once I got there. It seems likely that a lot of people who travel must hit this wall, when going forward and going back seem about the same, all things considered.
It would be really cool if the Life Fairy would appear in my living room (aside from the fact that if anyone magically appeared in my house right about now, I’d probably have a heart attack), and wave her sparkly wand at me and make something interesting happen. Not interesting like an earthquake though. I’m thinking more like an opportunity. Hey you never know, it might happen.
Tags: Nong Khai, Thailand
sandra_101
hey I just noticed the
“Read the rest of this entry »” thing a couple paragraphs down on your blogs where you click on it and then there’s a WHOLE nother page where it shows the REST of the blog!! I wonder how many blogs of yours I’ve only read part of because I thought that was where they ended? I thought some of them ended oddly unfinished.
You’re oddly unfinished.