Sandy Does Southeast Asia

A while back I read the book Conversations with God. It’s pretty interesting if you’re into that sort of thing. I certainly never thought that I would have the opportunity for my own conversation with God but that’s exactly what happened. Here’s how it went down…

God: Hey Sandy, wake up! It’s me, God.

Me: Shit, you scared me. Couldn’t this wait until morning? You know how much trouble I have sleeping.

God: Sorry but it is rather urgent.

Me: I didn’t mean to be rude, I’m just saying. Oh wait, are you the one who’s been moving the soap around in my bathroom at night?

God: No! I only come on matters of important business. It’s probably rats moving your soap around. Or possibly a monster. Regardless, right now we need to discuss this whole Life Partner situation you’ve been asking me about.

Me: I was wondering when you were going to get back to me on that one.

God: You’ve really been muddling around with this haven’t you? I keep throwing great men in your path and you keep stepping over them. All I hear from you is: he’s not quite this and he’s not quite that. Honestly, it’s out of hand. This one’s not tall enough, that one’s too skinny, this one doesn’t like the right kind of music, that one’s high-strung, the other one doesn’t share your sense of humor. I hate to bring this up but I’ve even heard you muttering complaints about an inability to spell and having the wrong eye color.

Me: I know, I know! Everyone tells me to stop being so picky but I can’t!

God: Yet I don’t think you admit to yourself what you’re doing because I also hear you loudly declaring you don’t believe in true love or in the concept of The One, even though that’s obviously what you’ve been looking for.

Do you really think there’s someone who could exactly match all these requirements? You’ve only been getting worse over the years, you know. It’s as if you’ve slowly zeroed in on a picture of precisely this one person you’re looking for. Like you’ve been recognizing aspects of him in other people and noting those but ultimately rejecting the person because they aren’t quite right. You’re acting like all you have to do is find him and that will be that.

Me: It’s ridiculous, okay? I get it. Is there some point or are you just enjoying the sound of your own voice?

God: I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want first?

Me: The good news!

God: OK then – you were right all along. You were doing exactly the right thing when you built this picture of him and refused to settle for anyone else. He exists. Just to make it a satisfying challenge, I put the two of you on opposite sides of the globe, but you listened to your heart and you were drawn directly to him. I must congratulate you on a job well done.

Me: Oh my fucking God! Oh shit, sorry. But this is amazing! I knew it!! I never admitted it but I knew it!

God: Are you ready for the bad news?

Me: Oh no.

God: Oh yes. I’m terribly sorry about this, but the two of you can’t be together.

Me: What? What sort of bullshit practical joke is this? You’re kidding, right?

God: No, unfortunately not. He was doing the same thing you were – seeing pieces of you in other people yet knowing they weren’t quite the right one – but then he gave up. At the 11th hour, he decided finding his match was a pipe dream and that he would be better off settling down with someone who was good enough. So that’s what he did.

Me: [silence]

God: I’m sorry, I really am.

Me: [silence]

God: Are you okay?

Me: Go away. Go the fuck away right now. I don’t want to hear anymore.

God: Sandy, I do what I can do but I can’t tamper with Free Will. You know that. You could just as easily have chosen to do the same thing and I couldn’t have stopped you. The only reason you didn’t is that one of the special blessings I gave you is that you are very good at trusting yourself and trusting life, even when you don’t understand that’s what you’re doing. You must remember not everyone has that ability.

Me: Go away! Go away! Go away!

God: All right. I’m here if you need me though.

Me: And stop moving my soap around at night!

Tags: Nong Khai, Thailand

This entry was posted on Friday, December 22nd, 2006 at 9:43 pm and is filed under Nong Khai, Thailand. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.